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Original poster

Formal Complaint of Racism- Help!

646 replies

OhBollocksFuck · 26/10/2016 11:14

I've NC as this is quite outing.

I work in the back office (10 people, all women, desk work) doing logistics for delivery drivers (27 people, mostly men, out and about all day).

We've had a bloke called Steve (not his real name) working as a delivery driver for years. Steve is black. Then another Steve came. So the original Steve became known as 'black Steve', which he's completely fine with, and new Steve became 'white Steve' which he's also fine with. We also have 'Short Trev' and 'Tall Trev' for two blokes called Trev. They're descriptions just to differentiate.

A new woman has started in the back office with us and asked me the other day what to do with an order which needed express sending. I told her to give it to 'black Steve' for various reasons. She's seemed quite nice, a little bit up-tight perhaps but that's usual when starting a new place.

Fast-forward to today and my manager has called me in the office to let me know that this new woman has put in a complaint about me using racist language. He's arranged a formal meeting with me and her for next Friday to talk through the complaint and see 'where we go' (his words). I'm in a union so I've got a union representative coming with me but I'm completely flawed by it.

I don't know what to do. I'm trying to remain calm and professional with this woman but I'm angry and upset. I don't want to mention anything to black Steve but, at the same time, it feels odd that there's all this going on with him being at the centre but him not really knowing. I also know that if I did mention it some of the drivers would take issue with her and I don't want them to get themselves into any trouble either.

I don't know what I'm asking really TBH. just some words of wisdom and advice from MNers would be breat!

OP posts:
Southallgirl · 26/10/2016 16:22

I have been verbally and obscenely abused, as has my sister-in-law, by certain recently-arrived men into England. We are of the same colour but different cultures, all because I choose to dress and live western. What do you call that then?

Southallgirl · 26/10/2016 16:25

Thanks OP. Then you must tell Steve, because he must be bewildered.

CrazyDuchess · 26/10/2016 16:27

It's called being abused Southall girl.... that's really sad!

You are being racially abused because you are not conforming to their ideals.

KimmySchmidtsSmile · 26/10/2016 16:28

Poor Steve. If he hasn't been given the details, what's he supposed to make of that? Paranoid Kimmy would be thinking someone had totally slated me based on the colour of my skin and be going home wondering who it was, why and whether I'd been wrong all these years that I was a valued, respected and popular team member Haloween Sad
How do you know this OP and why aren't you allowed to talk to him about it?

KimmySchmidtsSmile · 26/10/2016 16:31

She's being abused by misogynists based on clothing rather than skin colour by the sounds of it Haloween Sad

Propertyquandry · 26/10/2016 16:31

No Mouldy, I'm not. And suggesting the word black is akin to the very clearly racist term 'paki' is ridiculous. I wouldn't use the 'n' word despite its innocent origins because it is very clearly a racist term in modern times. Likewise, paki. The use of the word black without implications associated is not racist nor is a word to be frightened of using in the correct context.

Original poster
OhBollocksFuck · 26/10/2016 16:33

Kimmy He just popped in the office for 10 minutes, now he's out on another last job of the day. He text me to ask WTF it was all about. Said I'd tell him later, we're off to the pub at 5.

OP posts:
Southallgirl · 26/10/2016 16:33

You are being racially abused because you are not conforming to their ideals

They are strangers in the street, and newcomers to this country (where I was born). This is more than abuse. I think many of you do not yet understand the tsunami that is coming to the women of the UK. It will be the death of the Age of Reason and another Dark Age. (Sorry to be pessimistic, but SO many events as I describe are occurring every day). My English friends cannot venture into certain parts of London.

MerylPeril · 26/10/2016 16:33

You've been singled out unfairly.

I take it the new starter hasn't worked in a similar environment before - I'm not saying it's right/wrong but this is how it is!
Everyone should have been told at the same time to pack it in. Sounds like she has a particular issue with you.

Btw I worked somewhere with an 'old Mary' (been there 20 years) and a 'new mary' (new starter)
Old Mary was upset because she was sensitive about her age.

2014newme · 26/10/2016 16:34

Property would you call any back employees at your work black Julie, black sue, black John? No because it is totally unacceptable and is racist. Try it and find out.

CrazyDuchess · 26/10/2016 16:35

Southallgirl.... have you spoken to a GP about these thoughts?

CrazyDuchess · 26/10/2016 16:37

2014 - what I find amusing is that I can't imagine all the posters defending the OP for using the term (not for being singled out) would go back to their office and call their colleagues that Confused

Southallgirl · 26/10/2016 16:40

What a disgusting slur, Crazy. These aren't thoughts, but events. Your "concern" about anything does not run very deep. You are a fake, so go back to your cave, youd on't know what's going on. If you consider OP's situation racist, then you have not seen racism yet.

2014newme · 26/10/2016 16:40

Exactly! People saying it's Fine and not racist 🙄could give it a go in their own workplaces and see what happens. Or anywhere else " thanks black teacher/doctor /bus driver /shop keeper."

SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2016 16:40

SouthallGirl your English (white??) friends cannot venture into certain parts of London? which parts?

Brixton/Stockwell - well no not Stockwell Park Estate unless you want to be knifed after dark but safe during the day.

Hackney and East London - absolutely fine no racism whatsoever.

Tottenham - would maybe advise caution but no more so than other parts.

Tooting - Asian area - safe generally but there was some Eve teasing (where Indians, Pakistanis, Bangladeshis and Nepalese can indulge in public sexual harassment or molestation (had this in Tooting Broadway swimming pool).

so care to enlighten me where you and your English friends don't 'feel safe' and 'cannot venture into certain parts of London'?!

Mozfan1 · 26/10/2016 16:41

OP hope it goes ok at the pub

drspouse · 26/10/2016 16:43

Property exactly.

Those who think saying, correctly, someone is black, is racist remind me of those who say about my DD "oh she's not that dark". Like it's bad to be dark skinned, so shouldn't be mentioned, or if it is, it should be minimised.

It is not a racist slur, not like the other race related terms you mentioned.

I wouldn't expect them to refer to her by skin tone on a daily basis but it is not shameful nor is mentioning her skin tone or ethnicity racist.

Propertyquandry · 26/10/2016 16:43

2014, I would not because, as I've said twice, it's unacceptable to use such terms in the workplace. I wouldn't refer to anyone on a regular basis by any of their physical characteristics. However, if there was 12 drivers and someone asked me which one was Steve and he was the only black one in the group, I'd say the black guy. Likewise, if there were 12 drivers and Steve was the only blond one then I'd say, 'he's the blond one.' Neither of those terms imply anything about Steve. Neither are wrong in context. But it would be wrong, and is in this case, to call him either Black Steve or Blond Steve as although he may be either, by using it as his name, your are defining him by it. He is not merely his skin or hair colour. But it's ok that he's Steve who is black or Steve who is blond.

melibu84 · 26/10/2016 16:43

I'm black and there are two Mel's at my workplace. I would not be offended if someone called me black Mel.

I hope everything goes ok!

Propertyquandry · 26/10/2016 16:44

Xposted with drspouse.

SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2016 16:45

well said Property in your latest post.

I think it is fine - say if you had someone come into the office and 2 Steve's there and you meant Blond Steve then say "Steve who is Blond" etc....

but certainly not on a regular basis to call them by their colour or sexual orientation.

drspouse · 26/10/2016 16:45

thanks black teacher

But you don't need to use that term when speaking directly to them. If you were describing someone you might need to think of some way to describe them. That's one way you could.

It's just daft when you hear people saying "oh he's the tall one" (they are both tall) "oh he was wearing a blue shirt today" (I didn't see either of them today) "oh he's got dark hair" (they both have) "oh his hair is curly".

SuperFlyHigh · 26/10/2016 16:45

melibu84 - seriously??!! Shock

Southallgirl · 26/10/2016 16:46

Superfly. I am Indian, but some of my friends are English. Some parts of East London in the evenings are no-go.

I am disturbed by your sentence: "Tooting - Asian area - safe generally but there was some Eve teasing (where Indians, Pakistanis, Bangladeshis and Nepalese can indulge in public sexual harassment or molestation (had this in Tooting Broadway swimming pool)."

Since when is sexual molestation permitted?

BubbleGumBubble · 26/10/2016 16:47

Actually calling somebody black is not racist.