I've NC as this is quite outing.
I work in the back office (10 people, all women, desk work) doing logistics for delivery drivers (27 people, mostly men, out and about all day).
We've had a bloke called Steve (not his real name) working as a delivery driver for years. Steve is black. Then another Steve came. So the original Steve became known as 'black Steve', which he's completely fine with, and new Steve became 'white Steve' which he's also fine with. We also have 'Short Trev' and 'Tall Trev' for two blokes called Trev. They're descriptions just to differentiate.
A new woman has started in the back office with us and asked me the other day what to do with an order which needed express sending. I told her to give it to 'black Steve' for various reasons. She's seemed quite nice, a little bit up-tight perhaps but that's usual when starting a new place.
Fast-forward to today and my manager has called me in the office to let me know that this new woman has put in a complaint about me using racist language. He's arranged a formal meeting with me and her for next Friday to talk through the complaint and see 'where we go' (his words). I'm in a union so I've got a union representative coming with me but I'm completely flawed by it.
I don't know what to do. I'm trying to remain calm and professional with this woman but I'm angry and upset. I don't want to mention anything to black Steve but, at the same time, it feels odd that there's all this going on with him being at the centre but him not really knowing. I also know that if I did mention it some of the drivers would take issue with her and I don't want them to get themselves into any trouble either.
I don't know what I'm asking really TBH. just some words of wisdom and advice from MNers would be breat!
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Formal Complaint of Racism- Help!
OhBollocksFuck · 26/10/2016 11:14
SoleBizzz He thinks it's all ridiculous but he was pretty confident about it from the start. I mean, he didn't really think anything would come of it given that the 'racism' was endemic, that the manager has used the nicknames etc. My DH is pretty level-headed and he calmed me down lots.
He found the idea of me being racist ridiculous. Now he finds it quite funny. Once I'd calmed down a bit, he started calling me Enoch. This seems to have stuck 
.
He was keen to come in just after the complaint had been made to pick me up. But I said I didn't want to roll out my mixed race DH as evidence of me not being racist. I didn't want to use him like that and, plus, just because my DH is mixed race isn't some kind of guarantee that I'm not racist at work.
So pleased for you OP I've been thinking about you!
Woman is barking up the wrong tree trying to make friends now?
But yay for you!
Thanks everyone Yep, pretty relieved and pleased it's all over.
And thanks for everyone's support on this thread 
Thanks for coming back to us.
I don't agree that Steve's come off worse. I think the woman will find that she will never be part of the friendly team, she will find herself an outsider while being treated in a perfectly professional way by everyone. I wouldn't be surprised if friendly overtures were met by exactly the op's response - we'll be professional but we'll never be friends.
Bet she won't stay that long. Hope she doesn't stay that long! She really upset the apple cart and it was handled so badly. Yes, the nicknames perhaps should have been phased out (let's face it, it was pretty old-fashioned, to say the least) but there are better ways than this.
Love Steve's handling of it. I hope he's going to be hypersensitive to any suggestion of different treatment from this woman in future - and makes a formal complaint of racism 
Glad you stuck with it, it's a great outcome for you. Not that you should ever have been in the situation of needing an outcome!
Meeting was shifted to 8:30am today, not sure why it had to be cancelled on Tuesday, something to do with the union.
It was weird. She, then me, went through our version of events. I made it clear I wasn’t going to be scapegoated for behaviour that’s endemic in the office (and presented my notes of everyone who’s called other colleagues potentially inappropriate nicknames in the last few weeks) but that I recognised some of our nicknames weren’t appropriate in a work place.
Then Steve was asked how he felt and he really let rip. He said he felt singled out but her complaint and by the manager, was pissed off that he had to attend today all just because he’s black. He said his colour had never been an issue previously but now all attention was on him because he’s black. He questioned whether that’s a bit, well, racist. She apologised that she’d made him feel that way but made it clear she felt
unprofessional and, potentially racist, nicknames needed to be stopped. He said she had no right to define what was racist and not or to speak on behalf of black people because they might be offended. That, he said, was patronising and racist because black people can speak for themselves. She then started to defend this but he said it was part of bigger issue in society which he didn’t want to discuss at this meeting.
I then gave a letter of apology to her for an offense I might have caused. I also gave one to Steve which he took, read and ripped up whilst laughing.
Then the attention turned on the manager, his handling of this situation, his use of potentially offensive terms, his dragging Steven into this. We all put the boot in a bit and the union representatives really went to work on him. I felt a bit bad for him actually.
Anyway, outcome is that no further action’s being taken and there’ll be nothing on my record about this (no verbal warning etc, everyone at the meeting agreed this was okay); manager needs to arrange for all staff to go on an ‘Inclusivity’ training course in the New Year (that won’t happen!); we need to make efforts to avoid potentially offensive terms. Steve said he doesn’t find being called ‘black Steve’ offensive.
The weirdest part was that after the meeting the woman came to me and Steve, said that the workplace seems really friendly and she’d like to make a fresh start with us all and be friends. I told her I’d be perfectly professional with her but we’d never be friends. I told her that if she’d wanted to make friends at work, the best way to do that wasn’t to start off making a formal complaint about a colleague. Steve told her the drivers are probably sexist but are fiercely loyal to the office women.
Anyway, the atmosphere in the office is odd. Everyone knows what’s happened. I haven’t talked about it but Steve’s told all the drivers and they’ve all called women in the office to tell them. So everyone knows what’s happened. The atmosphere is weird, kind of tense but also a sense of bubbling excitement for some reason .
I'm relieved it won't be taken any further.
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