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Original poster

Formal Complaint of Racism- Help!

646 replies

OhBollocksFuck · 26/10/2016 11:14

I've NC as this is quite outing.

I work in the back office (10 people, all women, desk work) doing logistics for delivery drivers (27 people, mostly men, out and about all day).

We've had a bloke called Steve (not his real name) working as a delivery driver for years. Steve is black. Then another Steve came. So the original Steve became known as 'black Steve', which he's completely fine with, and new Steve became 'white Steve' which he's also fine with. We also have 'Short Trev' and 'Tall Trev' for two blokes called Trev. They're descriptions just to differentiate.

A new woman has started in the back office with us and asked me the other day what to do with an order which needed express sending. I told her to give it to 'black Steve' for various reasons. She's seemed quite nice, a little bit up-tight perhaps but that's usual when starting a new place.

Fast-forward to today and my manager has called me in the office to let me know that this new woman has put in a complaint about me using racist language. He's arranged a formal meeting with me and her for next Friday to talk through the complaint and see 'where we go' (his words). I'm in a union so I've got a union representative coming with me but I'm completely flawed by it.

I don't know what to do. I'm trying to remain calm and professional with this woman but I'm angry and upset. I don't want to mention anything to black Steve but, at the same time, it feels odd that there's all this going on with him being at the centre but him not really knowing. I also know that if I did mention it some of the drivers would take issue with her and I don't want them to get themselves into any trouble either.

I don't know what I'm asking really TBH. just some words of wisdom and advice from MNers would be breat!

OP posts:
BubbleGumBubble · 08/11/2016 17:52

So sorry This i was on the train and kust saw the This bit of your name. I thought you were the other This Blush

Too many this's Shock

Thisjustinno · 08/11/2016 18:13

Oh okay! Hope you're home now and having a lovely dinner or something!

BubbleGumBubble · 08/11/2016 18:15

I am free of the cattle train and enjoying a large glass of wine Smile

Sorry again Flowers

Thisjustinno · 08/11/2016 18:21

Really; no worries!. Glad you're home.

Original poster
OhBollocksFuck · 09/11/2016 09:27

The meeting is set for Tuesday 15th November now.

The woman who has made the complaint has now joined the union and will be bringing a union representative with her. Not her husband.

Things in the office have been quite frosty and were on the verge of escalating yesterday.

I organised drinks on Monday night for my brother's birthday (my brother used to work here) and didn't invite her. Obviously.
When she found out yesterday that some of us had been for drinks, she complained to one of the women in the office that she was being deliberately excluded and felt "bullied".
This other woman asked her if she was actually seriously suggesting that I should have invited her to my brother's drinks even though (a) she doesn't even know my brother and (b) she's lodged a very serious formal complaint about me. She also advised her not to go throwing the word "bullying" around as easily as she does "racism". This was all over in one corner of the office so everyone could see they were having a bit of an intense conversation.

The woman who's made the complaint headed back to her desk looking a bit sheepish whilst the other woman was pretty furious. Anyway, nothing came of it.

OP posts:
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 09/11/2016 09:55

I thought a union couldn't represent you for something that started before your membership IYSWIM? Have you got representation?

When she found out yesterday that some of us had been for drinks, she complained to one of the women in the office that she was being deliberately excluded and felt "bullied".

Is she on glue? Grin

IhatchedaSnorlax · 09/11/2016 10:23

She sounds like she's building a case for a tribunal.

Jackie0 · 09/11/2016 10:38

I agree.
I think you've handled this really well OP.
I hope it all works out.
I can't really imagine what working relationships are going to be like once this is over though.

Original poster
OhBollocksFuck · 09/11/2016 10:51

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Oh, that's interesting. I don't know about that. My manager just said that she'd joined the union and will have a rep coming along. I've been in the union for years and have a rep coming along with me.
I said to that other woman 'is she on glue?' but she just went 'yeah, must be'. I don't think she's a MNer Sad I chuckled to myself though.

Ihatched Yes, I agree with you but I've no idea why she seems so hell-bent on a tribunal or making issues.

Jackie0 Thank you. I have no idea what the atmosphere will be like. I'm hoping the meeting will let us start afresh. We'll obviously never be friends but it'd be good to get things out in the open than start again.

OP posts:
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 09/11/2016 11:06

don't know about that. My manager just said that she'd joined the union and will have a rep coming along.

I'm not a member, so can't access much of the site, but this regional site

www.gmbmidandec.org.uk/join-gmb/

Clearly says at the bottom that they won't take on retrospective cases.

ElinoristhenewEnid · 09/11/2016 11:32

Is black Steve coming to the meeting as well? As I said well up thread I hope he puts in a grievance about the how demeaning it is for someone to complain about him being known as black when he suggested it in the first place! Nothing like taking offence on someone elses behalf!

Original poster
OhBollocksFuck · 09/11/2016 11:50

Thanks ItsAllGoing I have no idea what's going on with her union thing then. I'm going to check with the manager that she's bringing a union rep and her DH isn't going to bloody well turn up! Manager is out of the office today so will check tomorrow.

Elinoris Yep, Steve will be there. I think he's going to put in a grievance against her and our manager but I think he waiting until the meeting.
He wants to confront her face-to-face as to why she feels she's able to speak/get offended on his behalf. He also wants to confront the manager as to why he's been invited to a meeting he doesn't want to attend and will be offered a letter of apology he doesn't want to receive all because...he's black. If that's not singling him out/discrimination then what is?!

OP posts:
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 09/11/2016 12:08

He wants to confront her face-to-face as to why she feels she's able to speak/get offended on his behalf. He also wants to confront the manager as to why he's been invited to a meeting he doesn't want to attend and will be offered a letter of apology he doesn't want to receive all because...he's black.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall!

Original poster
OhBollocksFuck · 09/11/2016 12:10

ItsAllGoingToBeFine I know. Now I've calmed down from my OP, have lots of support from my colleagues and know a very clear strategy advised by the union, I can't fucking wait for the meeting Blush

OP posts:
happymumof4crazykids · 09/11/2016 12:43

Good luck ohbollocksfuck when did we a society become so fucking sensitive? Everyone seems to be offended by something all the time and taking offence on behalf of someone else when they aren't even offended is just becoming ridiculous.

ElinoristhenewEnid · 09/11/2016 12:55

Ooh can I set up a webcam in the meeting love to see complainant get her comeuppance!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 09/11/2016 12:58

A live-streaming webcam is a great idea Grin

I'm intrigued to know what advice her rep is giving her and if they know she joined 2 minutes ago

Giselaw · 09/11/2016 13:01

Please don't let Steve tell her that and make an absolute twat of himself! She made a complaint against racism. It doesn't matter that it wasn't directed at her personally and it is ridiculous for Steve to "rip into her" because he's not bothered.

it would be like police not allowed to prosecute someone for assault unless the victim presses charges. Doesn't work like that.

HarrietVane99 · 09/11/2016 14:08

OP, has Steve taken advice, from his union or otherwise? Perhaps he should, if he's required to attend this meeting.

DoloresVanCartier · 09/11/2016 14:36

Giselaw is right. Anyone can make a complaint if they are offended by the language used. Maybe have a word with steve to say that she can do this.

Perhaps steves angle should be that he identifies himself as black steve and he is referring to a distinctive thing about him. The fact she has made a complaint regarding him and not white steve is discriminatory in itself and has made him feel discriminated against?

Original poster
OhBollocksFuck · 09/11/2016 15:22

Oh, he knows she's entitled to be offended even though the 'racism' was directed at her. He's pissed off that she's offended enough by what she perceives to be racism enough to go over me and him and put in a complaint rather than say anything directly to me or him.

It's pissed him off that she's called it 'racism' whereas actually he feels much more qualified than her to judge what is racist.
Mainly he's pissed off that she's dragged him into this situation, essentially singling him out because of his colour whilst crying racism at the same time.

There are much bigger issues about race (e.g. who has the right to be offended, who has the right to speak about issues like racism, what would this woman actually do for black rights etc.) that are coming out through this turn of events. We've spent many hours discussing these issues recently!

OP posts:
Giselaw · 09/11/2016 17:38

Honestly? Steve is somewhat to blame by calling himself black Steve as a joke. It was innapropriate. He probably knows, which is why he's being pissy. And he still has no right to be pissed off that she formally raised a complaint.

BubbleGumBubble · 09/11/2016 17:44

Ffs so now the black man is the one at fault and has caused the racism and is being pissy Hmm

Wow the ridiculous on this thread just amazes me Confused

realitybitesyourbum · 09/11/2016 18:13

dont you think your husband should feature somewhere? He is brilliantly mixed race and you could introduce him as waiting for you outside the meeting...someone married to a mixed race person can hardly be racist, surely? Usually?!!

Giselaw · 09/11/2016 18:27

No the "black man" isn't the one at fault but are you honestly saying that was professional of him?! It was unprofessional of him to ever suggest a nickname be used in the workplace that was racial. Of course it was even worse everyone actually followed the bloody suggestion!