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Original poster

Formal Complaint of Racism- Help!

646 replies

OhBollocksFuck · 26/10/2016 11:14

I've NC as this is quite outing.

I work in the back office (10 people, all women, desk work) doing logistics for delivery drivers (27 people, mostly men, out and about all day).

We've had a bloke called Steve (not his real name) working as a delivery driver for years. Steve is black. Then another Steve came. So the original Steve became known as 'black Steve', which he's completely fine with, and new Steve became 'white Steve' which he's also fine with. We also have 'Short Trev' and 'Tall Trev' for two blokes called Trev. They're descriptions just to differentiate.

A new woman has started in the back office with us and asked me the other day what to do with an order which needed express sending. I told her to give it to 'black Steve' for various reasons. She's seemed quite nice, a little bit up-tight perhaps but that's usual when starting a new place.

Fast-forward to today and my manager has called me in the office to let me know that this new woman has put in a complaint about me using racist language. He's arranged a formal meeting with me and her for next Friday to talk through the complaint and see 'where we go' (his words). I'm in a union so I've got a union representative coming with me but I'm completely flawed by it.

I don't know what to do. I'm trying to remain calm and professional with this woman but I'm angry and upset. I don't want to mention anything to black Steve but, at the same time, it feels odd that there's all this going on with him being at the centre but him not really knowing. I also know that if I did mention it some of the drivers would take issue with her and I don't want them to get themselves into any trouble either.

I don't know what I'm asking really TBH. just some words of wisdom and advice from MNers would be breat!

OP posts:

ShelaghTurner · 01/11/2016 14:40

What a cheek! You should tell her you want your aunt or your next door neighbour's niece in with you then. Never heard such nonsense. I feel for Steve though. A shed load of hassle that he didn't ask for.

Original poster

OhBollocksFuck · 01/11/2016 15:13

ShelaghTurner Exactly. I did think about saying 'Okay, I'll bring my DH as well' then enjoying her face when my mixed race DH turns up on Friday. But I resisted. DH's in work meetings is ridiculous and my DH's ethnicity has nothing to do with any of it.

OP posts:

AlchemySchmidtsSmile · 01/11/2016 15:37

^ No it hasn't but if she's bringing husbands into it

BubbleGumBubble · 01/11/2016 15:57

Blimey!!!

Your managers are fools to even allow such a suggestion. Well done OP for pointing out a random family member is not allowed in work meetings.

I am sorry Steve is going through his too but with any luck everyone will see there is no basis for a complaint and your management will start reviewing their policies across the board

Thisjustinno · 01/11/2016 17:07

I work in a huge public sector organisation and it's standard on all our disciplinary policies that you can bring a Union rep or any other support (family/friends) to meetings.

Check what your employers policy is.

BubbleGumBubble · 01/11/2016 17:24

But the women who is bringing her husband is not the one facing disciplinary so would she still be allowed to bring him?

PikachuSayBoo · 01/11/2016 17:24

I agree that it's been standard wherever Ive worked (private business and public sector) that you can bring family members to such meetings.

PikachuSayBoo · 01/11/2016 17:26

X post. Actually maybe it's only actually if you're the one being disciplined.

BubbleGumBubble · 01/11/2016 17:28

X post. Actually maybe it's only actually if you're the one being disciplined.

I agree with this as my own company had this policy however if the meeting contained info under data protection (it was care sector) then the family member had to leave and be replaced with union rep or nominated staff member.

msrisotto · 01/11/2016 17:33

Any ideas why she's singling you out on this op?

intravenouscoffee · 01/11/2016 17:36

I checked this with our HR recently (private sector). According to policy you can only bring a union rep or a 'trusted colleague' to disciplinary meetings. Our head of HR said she'd never heard of family members/friends being allowed to attend in any of the (many) settings she had worked in.

So I would check policy and ensure they're following it. Your union will be able to advise. But I'd be surprised if she's allowed to bring her husband.

Thisjustinno · 01/11/2016 17:37

Not just if you're the one being disciplined in my NHS trust. I was once a whistle blower and advised I could bring anyone to support me to meetings. If there was confidential (as in about a patient) information being discussed I think they might have been asked to leave for that bit but I was actually encouraged to bring a family member or friend with me to offer support.

Making a formal complaint or whistle blowing can be really stressful and anxiety provoking and it makes sense to have the support of someone you know and trust to help you through it because meetings are intimidating.

I didn't take anyone with me to any meetings or interviews (what I whistle blew about was so obviously a sacking offence I had no doubt I'd be heard and believed and it would be proven) but at every meeting I was met with surprise 'you haven't brought anyone with you? Do you not have family or friends you want to attend? This is really stressful and we want to make sure you're supported'.

Original poster

OhBollocksFuck · 01/11/2016 17:50

There's no real HR policies at all where we work. It's one bloke who's built up his business from a couple vans ten years ago. HR is a woman sitting in the back office who sorts out the pay packets.

So, no policy saying she can or can't bring some random family member.

The union rep has said I'm right to refuse to discuss this in front of some random bloke and they'll support me not budging on this.

OP posts:

Thisjustinno · 01/11/2016 18:04

What Union are you in within a small business?.

I respect your view of not wanting her DH there but what is your objection? I'm sure she's already told him what happened. I would certainly object if he wanted to butt in and present his view but if it was me I wouldn't care that she had someone there to support her. To be honest; I'd prefer it as she then could not later state that she was forced to be unsupported during the process and was intimidated by the well established team investigating this when she is very new.

DoloresVanCartier · 01/11/2016 18:29

Thanks for the updates OP, hope you enjoyed your weekend with your family.

Can someone who is more clued up than me tell me why SHE is not being racist by singling out "black " Steve and failing to make a complaint about "white" Steve being called that?

Although I'm not HR my personal opinion that she has made this a racist incident. Can anyone shed some light on this side of it for me?

Original poster

OhBollocksFuck · 01/11/2016 18:35

I'm a member of the GMB.

I don't want her H there because it's a work meeting. We'll be discussing my work performance and behaviour which is sensitive and confidential. I don't want any Tom Dick or Harry there. Of course she's told her H about the situation but that doesn't mean he has to be formally involved in the process. I agree that she should have support but this support should be provided by her union not a random family member.

OP posts:

BubbleGumBubble · 01/11/2016 18:38

I think black Steve should take in White Steve for support.

scaryclown · 01/11/2016 18:41

I keep thinking about chess.

NataliaOsipova · 01/11/2016 18:42

Someone tell me I'm wrong here....but isn't the person who IS entitled to complain Black Steve? The OP says he is pissed off. Why? Because the new woman has made him uncomfortable in his place of work by her reference to his colour and the fact that this should mean he is uncomfortable with a nickname that he has clearly stated to the OP he is entirely happy with. Surely he can make a counter complaint against her?

Spadequeen · 01/11/2016 18:46

New woman sounds like a nightmare.

Glad that you are being supported through all of this.

IhatchedaSnorlax · 01/11/2016 19:13

Stand your ground re her DH attending Op - that's totally not on. She can bring a colleague or union rep but not family members.

I agree with a pp that I think Steve has a case against her - she's now making him feel uncomfortable about his race in his workplace & that's not on.

Do you know why she's singled you out? Do you think she could be looking for some sort of employment tribunal case here? Good luck with how things turn out.

hopskipjumpy · 01/11/2016 19:20

Why on earth don't you just say Steve Smith and Steve Jones?

That's why we have surnames.

DoloresVanCartier · 01/11/2016 19:57

Hop - rtft please?????

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 01/11/2016 20:04

Union rep sounds good. Are they coming with you to the meeting?

Original poster

OhBollocksFuck · 01/11/2016 20:24

Yep, union rep is coming to the meeting.

No idea why she's singled me out. I think I was the first one who said 'Black Steve' to her specifically but she'd heard others use this and other nicknames.

OP posts:

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