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Help: FT lawyer having a horrible time (long...)

410 replies

lemur · 06/01/2007 23:31

All advice on how to sort my working world out would be gratefully received... here is the thing:

I have a 9.5 month DD, in FT nursery care, a job in the City as a FT lawyer in private practice and two male partner bosses who just don't seem to realise the pressure that the above combination creates. It is Saturday night and I have just had huge row with monster of boss because I have to be in meetings tomorrow (Sunday, yes, I know it is the weekend) and I physically cannot be there as have to look after DD. DP cannot look after DD as he has football match to play(and does not want to be dictated to by my bosses) I have no handy relatives nearby who can look after DD and cannot leave DD with a friend as the meeting could go on indefinitely (i.e until Monday...).

And why am I even worrying about that level of detail, when the point is that the monster boss has, beyond saying "well you are the breadwinner so DP should sacrifice what he is doing" is also making me contact all my childless colleagues in a grovelling fashion to ask them to go to the meetings tomorrow, to punish me.

I am a lawyer and I know that somewhere in all of the S**T that is currently part of my working world, there is something breaching some of my employment rights, but I am not an employment lawyer. DP is away all next weekend and I am supposed to be working then too. I feel like just not bothering to go into work ever again.

DD had Chicken Pox just before Christmas, I had to be home with her for 7 working days and the matter ended up being referred to HR and me having to take unpaid leave because I came into work one day while DP looked after DD and so lost my right to any more emergency leave for the rest of the time DD was contagious (as was not an emergency as I knew she had CP!!!). This gives you a flavour of the way it works at the firm I work at.

I have only been back at work since the end of September 2006 and the gruelling routine of half an hour each way walk to nursery and then to work plus the working on work from 8pm until midnight plus the manipulative bosses (who had/have wives at home to look after kids) being totally unreasonable plus the fact my mum died a month before DD was born and I miss her all the time = I am somewhat losing the plot. That is a bit of an understatement.

So I guess the question is, do I just accept that you cannot do it all and find new, normal, job doing something that will never mean I have to work after 5.30 or weekends, or try and win against forces of chauvinism in the City of chauvinists?

Ideas welcome. Thank you.

OP posts:
drosophila · 13/01/2007 21:27

I do find the Civil Servants I work with interesting as they are very clever (Oxbridge) and yet they choose to enter a profession which is well enough paid at their level but can't help thinking with brains like theirs weren't they tempted to do something that paid more. I guess they feel that they are doing something for society.

meb2006 · 13/01/2007 21:43

soapbox love the bit about us only being on this thread late as we miss the all nighters - you know I think there maybe something in that (Controlfreaky2, Lemur and me were on here quite late the other night).

cf2 and jampots you 2 really are scalliwags - I bet you were both v naughty at school!

And I love the bit about legal work being described as ebay with paperwork - very good!

Judy1234 · 13/01/2007 22:23

I think you just need a new baby to get an equivalent of working all night. Actually I've rarely ever worked all night.

As for civil servants as we discuss below like nurses and many others people don't choose jobs just for money. Even the prime minister is probably earning quite a bit less than he otherwise would and many a QC lawyer, particularly those who marry a second time and have a second family in their 40s or 50s and school fees again can't afford the pay cut to become a judge. In fact similarly most women in the UK don't have the luxuty of being able to afford to become stay at home mothers. Often only the wives of the lawyers/accountants have that privileged choice or perhaps there are income levels the choice operates within. Some peoople are better off on state benefits than working. Others earn more than the average wage but not hugely more and have a mortgage which needs both salaries. My brother says it's a badge of success amongst some of his colleagues to be able to afford a non working wife particularly one who herself went to Oxbridge so she is seen (to these repellant men) as having given so much up for the man/babies.

100PerCentCod · 13/01/2007 22:27

my brother often worked all night
in f act even now ( partner) was rund up to go in to work at midninght

he si a bankign lawyer

controlfreaky2 · 13/01/2007 22:38

"he is a banking lawyer" sounds like term of abuse!
nice to see you posting fisheyes

Judy1234 · 13/01/2007 23:13

I suppose there's nothing per se wrong with it - long hours etc and even if you don't like it that necessarily doesn't mean there's something wrong with it either if you look at things from the point of view that may be getting what we want isn't really the point of being here. The nun or priest up at 5am for whatever prayers they say at that time or banker up all night or stay at home mother up every 2 hours feeding - that's just how life can be sometimes. Perhaps people need quiet acceptance of their lot rather than modern whinge about how hard it is given it's hugely easier than starving or most of our children dying before age 5 etc as it used to be.

Anyway not interested in being up all night so going to my nice warm bed with child to drive back to university tomorrow.

meb2006 · 13/01/2007 23:26

night then. Have a safe trip tomorrow.

Controlfreaky2 what you been uo to since late night on thursday... been checking out the holiday brochures...?? I don't like the sound of the snakes

controlfreaky2 · 13/01/2007 23:37

ooooh, this and that
am watching kylie on channel 4, dh gone to read his book in disgust....
you?

meb2006 · 13/01/2007 23:51

even forgot about Kylie! I bet it's good.

Am being forced to watch Australia play cricket on sky...and you think you've got it hard?

jampots · 13/01/2007 23:52

am ed mebs that you think i was naughty at school

controlfreaky2 · 13/01/2007 23:53

am mebs that you know i was naughty at school!

meb2006 · 13/01/2007 23:55

do you 2 know each other off line - I have you down as partners in crime...there is some funny stuff from you on this thread.

controlfreaky2 · 13/01/2007 23:56

not at all (honest)
but we did find out that we knew someone in common!

meb2006 · 14/01/2007 00:01

mmmm. wierd - you sounded like you do.

If I stay up much later I shall be forced to watch the quizes on tv where you can never get through snd the answers make no sense ..you watch for 20 mins and they only get one call...if you have seen then you will know what I mean..riveting stuff...not.

jampots · 14/01/2007 00:01

im sure there must be more too cf i may email you with other fun people

meb2006 · 14/01/2007 00:09

non comprende......I am beginning to flag (more then usual)...and my DH is giving me cricket commentary...oh joy

jampots · 14/01/2007 00:11

i spoke to cf2 via email the other day and randomly asked if she knew someone my pal was "seeing" and she did!

So ive sent her another list of others I have come across.

which firm do you work for?

jampots · 14/01/2007 00:11

oooh cricket [yawn]

controlfreaky2 · 14/01/2007 00:11

what dont you understand mebs??
i'd blame the cricket for any problems!

meb2006 · 14/01/2007 00:15

been ordered off the computer now so will speak tomorrow...men! (X would be disgusted with me)

night.

controlfreaky2 · 15/01/2007 00:05

article in today's observer women's magazine. nicola horlick interviewed under "superwoman" heading....
"there are very few things, except family, that really matter".....
discuss.

controlfreaky2 · 15/01/2007 00:06

article in today's observer women's magazine. nicola horlick interviewed under "superwoman" heading....
"there are very few things, except family, that really matter".....
discuss.

controlfreaky2 · 15/01/2007 00:06

oops!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 15/01/2007 00:56

Plankton are fascinating, arent they?

Such teeny tiny weeny little things. Dont do much, bit of a nothing really - can barely see them. Often get swallowed up by the bigfish.

Bigfish couldnt survive without them though. The whole Ocean's eco-system would flounder and collapse.

Fascinating.

Judy1234 · 15/01/2007 08:42

observer.guardian.co.uk/woman/story/0,,1985636,00.html#article_continue

Thanks for that. It's an interesting series of comments and I didn't know that Nicola H who got divorced after 19 years and 5 (/6) children like me, had in her case remarried until I read that.