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Help: FT lawyer having a horrible time (long...)

410 replies

lemur · 06/01/2007 23:31

All advice on how to sort my working world out would be gratefully received... here is the thing:

I have a 9.5 month DD, in FT nursery care, a job in the City as a FT lawyer in private practice and two male partner bosses who just don't seem to realise the pressure that the above combination creates. It is Saturday night and I have just had huge row with monster of boss because I have to be in meetings tomorrow (Sunday, yes, I know it is the weekend) and I physically cannot be there as have to look after DD. DP cannot look after DD as he has football match to play(and does not want to be dictated to by my bosses) I have no handy relatives nearby who can look after DD and cannot leave DD with a friend as the meeting could go on indefinitely (i.e until Monday...).

And why am I even worrying about that level of detail, when the point is that the monster boss has, beyond saying "well you are the breadwinner so DP should sacrifice what he is doing" is also making me contact all my childless colleagues in a grovelling fashion to ask them to go to the meetings tomorrow, to punish me.

I am a lawyer and I know that somewhere in all of the S**T that is currently part of my working world, there is something breaching some of my employment rights, but I am not an employment lawyer. DP is away all next weekend and I am supposed to be working then too. I feel like just not bothering to go into work ever again.

DD had Chicken Pox just before Christmas, I had to be home with her for 7 working days and the matter ended up being referred to HR and me having to take unpaid leave because I came into work one day while DP looked after DD and so lost my right to any more emergency leave for the rest of the time DD was contagious (as was not an emergency as I knew she had CP!!!). This gives you a flavour of the way it works at the firm I work at.

I have only been back at work since the end of September 2006 and the gruelling routine of half an hour each way walk to nursery and then to work plus the working on work from 8pm until midnight plus the manipulative bosses (who had/have wives at home to look after kids) being totally unreasonable plus the fact my mum died a month before DD was born and I miss her all the time = I am somewhat losing the plot. That is a bit of an understatement.

So I guess the question is, do I just accept that you cannot do it all and find new, normal, job doing something that will never mean I have to work after 5.30 or weekends, or try and win against forces of chauvinism in the City of chauvinists?

Ideas welcome. Thank you.

OP posts:
controlfreaky2 · 11/01/2007 23:21

i have done....

skiwear · 11/01/2007 23:24

Why work Xenia? Why not just get someone else to do the work for all that pay and just spend the results!

meb2006 · 11/01/2007 23:24

you have an island?

meb2006 · 11/01/2007 23:25

Did someone say when the next city meet up was?

controlfreaky2 · 11/01/2007 23:27

no, but would like to come to one..... are you offering to organise

jampots · 11/01/2007 23:29

i'll come i live in a city

controlfreaky2 · 11/01/2007 23:32

.... or xenia may invite us to an island meet up...

meb2006 · 11/01/2007 23:36

you 2 are v.naughty - are you lawyers - to be honest you seem to have too much spark for that! And you are up very late! Of course you could be working!

Have there been any meet ups then?

controlfreaky2 · 11/01/2007 23:38

meb, i am a lawyer.... but am on years sabbatical (HOORAY), hence the staying up late on mn and generally skittish behaviour..... you?

meb2006 · 11/01/2007 23:42

how did you manage that? I was made to feel guilty if I ever took a holiday!

I am on maternity leave at moment soon to be back in office - I am expecting to find my job easier then when I left as compared to looking after baby F/T - I never expected it to be quite so exhausting!

lemur · 11/01/2007 23:46

Glad this thread has gone into another funny patch again

OP posts:
lemur · 11/01/2007 23:48

About Xenia inviting us to her island that is, not returning to work after mat leave meb2006!

OP posts:
meb2006 · 11/01/2007 23:50

you should be asleep!!!! only joking!!!!!! I am hoping you are smiling a bit more today!

How many posts do you think we need to explode this thread? We must be nearly there.

controlfreaky2 · 11/01/2007 23:51

oh good luck mebs. i had 6 months off with ds1 and 9 with ds2. at that stage was definitely easier working ft than being at home! when you first go back to work you have this spooky feeling the whole time that you've forgotten someting important... (ooops it's because you haven't got a baby on you!).... there are some nice bits definitely..... you get to drink a cup of coffee in peace / talk to adults without interruption / sit on the bus and daydream or read your book....

meb2006 · 11/01/2007 23:52

no that is funny too.... if you knew the learning curve I have been on during the last year!! To think I used to run mega miilion deals - now it is just stacking cups and Cbeebies.

lemur · 11/01/2007 23:53

What is exploding? In the thread sense...
I am working (well, having a pause for DD crying and christmas cake episode), why are you still up??!!.

OP posts:
meb2006 · 11/01/2007 23:55

you have not said how you got the sabbatical. nice boss, blackmail or bribe?

yes agreed. A friend that has just gone back to work in Jan said to me today how much she LOVES the commute now she has some time in her own.

controlfreaky2 · 11/01/2007 23:57

do you think it's something about lawyers.... generalising we are usually controlfreaks (see my posting name) and that dosent sit easily with small babies imo. read somewhere that there is v high incidence of pnd / postpartum psychosis amongst lawyers... in large part for that reason.

meb2006 · 11/01/2007 23:59

I meant how many posts can a thread have before it begins to corrupt?

I am not doing anything - must go to sleep soon to brace self for baby waking up at 6ish. I don't think I am ever going to get a lay in again! Have you looked into getting help to get your child to sleep through?

controlfreaky2 · 12/01/2007 00:02

think 1000 is the magic number of posts before new thread needed.
is that what you meant?
sabbatical on account of being self employed barrister type .
lemur stop eating cake, finish working and get to bed!
are you feeling any more chipper? hope so.
am off to bed myself.

meb2006 · 12/01/2007 00:02

funny you should say that my GP (who was excellent during my pregnancy) was laughing at my 8 week check up as to how I would cope. She said she knew I was a lawyer as soon as she started seeing me as I would turn up with lists of questions about the pregnancy. She said (in a nice way)motherhood is difficult for those that like to be on top of everything and she was right.

lemur · 12/01/2007 00:03

meb2006,
Am thinking of finding out about it, have not had a chance this week. DP apparently did not sleep through until he was 3 so I don't hold out a whole lot of hope! Lie-in? Yes, they are gone for a few years aren't they!
Back to work, sweet dreams.

OP posts:
meb2006 · 12/01/2007 00:04

yes that is what I mdant - will probably see you here for more island-hopping tomorrow. Good night.

Lemur go to sleep asap.night.

skiwear · 12/01/2007 00:07

Not just coffee hot coffee!

drosophila · 12/01/2007 07:46

Lemur, were you really working at 04.00 this morning?

Xenia, I could be wrong but in your posts you always come across as calm even when saying controversial things. Am I right?

Also, given your success in your chosen career (which sounds to me to be quite demanding and probably requires a certain amount of mental athleticism) how would you feel if your daughter said she wanted to go into a caring profession (nursing or something similar)?