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Original poster

Would you leave a £250,000pa job to be a SAHM?

1000 replies

misosoup · 27/10/2006 13:43

Ok, I've changed my name for this, not quite sure why....

I really enjoy my job and it is pretty well paid but since I returned to work after having DD2 I have been thinking a lot about this.

I can afford not to work, dh's income is nothing like mine but still above average although it will clearly be a huge drop in our standard of living.

And I miss the kids do much during the day... I spend 2 hours per day with them plus weekends. There is no way I can cut my hours any more and part-time is out of the question.

But I have worked so hard to get here, against all odds. I don't want to throw it all away.

OP posts:
phatcat · 27/10/2006 13:48

gosh that's a fair whack! I can see your dilemma. You'd be giving up a lot, though gaining a lot too. Is there a way you could give up temporarily but be sure you can get back in - career break, sabbatical, etc.?

tassis · 27/10/2006 13:49

I would

I love being a SAHM

The only reasons I'd work would be if we needed the money or if I needed to keep my hand in (because I'd like to return one day). Thankfully I'm a teacher (or used to be!) and I'm assuming that when the time's right for me to go back I'll be able to swan back in and they'll welcome me with open arms!!

Until then it's toddler groups, play dates, chat at the school gates, painting, parks, soft play etc etc.

hunkermunker · 27/10/2006 13:49

Will you be able to return to your job when they're older?

Original poster
misosoup · 27/10/2006 13:51

Would be very difficult to get back in once I am out unfortunatelly. I would have to completely change career if I decide to go back to work a few years down the line.

OP posts:
scatterbrain · 27/10/2006 13:52

No way would I ! Sorry - but that's a hell of a salary ! Wow !

Blackduck · 27/10/2006 13:53

No.....

soapbox · 27/10/2006 13:53

Well I'm not going to bother changing mine!

I've had a few nanny problems of late which have seriously disturbed the smooth running of our household.

My situation is slightly different though in that my DH earns a little bit more than me and has some share options which are worth a lot of dosh and they mature in July next year. So money won't be tight in any sense at all! It will just mean that early retirement is not as early as it might have been!

I've always enjoyed woth but when things go wrong with child care it is extremely disruptive.

I've started to think pretty seriously about giving it up - and although we have now settled in with a very lovely nanny, the next time the child care breaks I'm going to pack it in I think.

I'm not good with idle hands, so I'd likely to some charity work or do something from home.

Doing what I do, it will be a one way decision - I could never go back to it!

Twohootsandapumpkin · 27/10/2006 13:53

Yes agree, if you could return to your job when they are older it wouldn't be such a pressure on you??

Phatcat made a good point about career breaks - any chance. It also gives you the option then to see if you really do want to be a SAHM. You might find after a year out that you do want to go back (sad you say p/t is out of the question).

That's a fair whack of salary to lose but on the other hand your DD's will only be this age once (sorry you don't say how old but I'm guessing DD2 is small?).

zippitippitoes · 27/10/2006 13:53

it dpends how much you like it..it sounds like you have a fiar amount of time with the children so if i liked the job I would probably carry on if ti wasn't particularly stressful

popsycal · 27/10/2006 13:54

what are the reasons that youwant to be a sahm?
genuine question as this may play a part inwhether ot os rigth for you
have you spoken to dh/dp?

soapbox · 27/10/2006 13:56

Sorry miso - I also meant to say, that I have found it more difficult as mine have become older. They are much more vocal about wanting me at home now than they ever were when they were younger. They are 6 and 8YO.

How old are your DCs?

tassis · 27/10/2006 13:57

it is a very personal thing isn't it?

some would go mad (for lots of reasons) without work...

guess it boils down to bigger questions about the purpose of life and why we work anyway...

for me the size of the salary isn't the issue it's whether if you could afford not to...

tassis · 27/10/2006 13:58

soapbox - that's a really interesting point about it getting more difficult as they get older...i think many of us who're at home with pre-schoolers assume that once they're all at school it'll be easier to work but I've spoken to a few people recently who've said the opposite (maybe a subject for another thread?)

Twohootsandapumpkin · 27/10/2006 13:59

Can I put the cat among the pigeons here and say on that kind of salary you must be fairly pressured at work - and you say you enjoy it. Do you think being a full time SAHM would be enough for you?

Sorry don't mean to cause offence as SAHM have some of the hardest jobs at times (and also most rewarding!) but I DO miss work and didn't have anywhere near the kind of career you are talking about. I love my DD dearly and know I am lucky to be able to stay at home while she is little but a part of me misses the 'old' me. Unfortunately for me work is not an option at the moment - although I would only ever do it v p/t while DD is little.

If you couldn't go back to it after a break I'd think long and hard about it (I'm sure you will so bit of a silly thing to say really!).

It's one hell of a decision though. I think, if you can afford it, then ultimately you have to follow your heart!

Original poster
misosoup · 27/10/2006 13:59

why do I want to be a sahm?

because the kids are so lovely and they are only going to be this age once and I am jealous of my nanny and....

... but I realise there may be a bit of a "the grass is always greener"

OP posts:
Acceber · 27/10/2006 14:00

Hmmm. Tricky one. You only have one life, do you want to spend it with your colleagues and maintain your current standard of living or your children?

You've obviously worked very hard to get where you are but if your human capital is worth £250k then surely after your career break your skills will be transferable to another firm?

This is the problem of being a woman!

popsycal · 27/10/2006 14:01

do yo have any mummy friends who dont work? think of toddler groups, things to do during the day or wold it all be start from scrtahc?

would it make a big financial impact on your lifestyle? you said dh earns a good salary too, but would much change?
not being nosey - trying to help you think things throuhg

(I would do it like a flash - though I am very lucky to work 2 days a week and am beginning to enjoy those 2 days at last)

asleep · 27/10/2006 14:02

how old are your children?

zippitippitoes · 27/10/2006 14:02

you could make sure you get a public position eg on a health care commission or similar who are wanting people like you but only require a few days a month from you, this would show well when you return to work

KoshkaTheFIENDLYGhost · 27/10/2006 14:05

can i be really cheeky and ask what you do for a living?

i am so of you, you must have worked extreemly hard to get to where you are. would the life of a SAHM be a bit slow/not a lot of mental challenges - im guessing your job must be challenging!

Pollybloodyanna · 27/10/2006 14:05

I don't think I would want to work full time, whatever the salary tbh. But I have never worked in a job I really love.

I gave up my job nearly 3 years ago, and enjoy being a sahm now, but it was difficult making the adjustment. In some ways I regret giving it up as it was part time and I would really like to work now, but my profession is really hard to get back into.

If your dd2 is still a young baby, I would wait until she is a year old to decide. Also, if you want another child, the maternity pay is useful!

mascaraohara · 27/10/2006 14:09

I wouldn't leave the job.

I see my dd for approx. the same amount of time per day as you do and I earn a fraction of the amount you do!

Is it a job where you could work 4 days a week (or flexible hours)? maybe a compromise?

Original poster
misosoup · 27/10/2006 14:10

the girls are 2.5 and 1. The nanny takes them to groups etc. now but I don't know any other mums in the area so it will be starting from scratch for me.

I am a trader for an investment bank - it is not really a transferable skill set and once I am out of the market I can't get back in.

DH earns c.£50K which is still good but it will be a steep drop. Btw we do not live in a mansion and have no huge savings, we were both repaying huge loans the first couple of years.

OP posts:
LadyMuck · 27/10/2006 14:11

My situation is probably not that dissimilar to Soapbox's. Ds1 has just gone into Yr1, ds2 starts reception next September. I've been fortunate with my nanny, but overall I've felt more stretched than I want to be, and that is not good for my family. I've also tried reducing hours etc, but actually that is just not my persona at work - I always end up running things, taking on more responsibility, and to be honest I thrive on it - but at the expense of home life.

In terms of drop in standard of living, for me it means a cut in travel (which I do/will miss), but house, car, school etc has remained the same. I guess we always wanted the option of having one of us drop work so we didn't ever really get used to spending anywhere near our full income. We've invested for ourselves, but a lot has gone to others.

In terms of throwing it away - have you really? You've done it once, and its taken you say 15-20 years to get to this point. You can start again in another 15 years, but with a wealth of experience behind you. I guess I'm fortunate enough to have two role models who rebuilt a (different) career once their children were heading to college (one has become a family law barrister, then other is in pensions).

That said, I would say that 2 hours per day with kids is actually not bad, and was much more than I was getting. Have you got an under 5, in which case why not take a month of parental leave and see how you feel?

zippitippitoes · 27/10/2006 14:11

presumably you get a decent amount of holiday too..I would keep going and save loads and then in a few years do wonderful things and go for a real nice downsized lifestyle option..

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