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Original poster

Would you leave a £250,000pa job to be a SAHM?

1000 replies

misosoup · 27/10/2006 13:43

Ok, I've changed my name for this, not quite sure why....

I really enjoy my job and it is pretty well paid but since I returned to work after having DD2 I have been thinking a lot about this.

I can afford not to work, dh's income is nothing like mine but still above average although it will clearly be a huge drop in our standard of living.

And I miss the kids do much during the day... I spend 2 hours per day with them plus weekends. There is no way I can cut my hours any more and part-time is out of the question.

But I have worked so hard to get here, against all odds. I don't want to throw it all away.

OP posts:
piglit · 27/10/2006 14:12

I gave up a £120,000 year job to be a sahm and by giving up I am effectively out of the loop now so won't be in a position to go back. I am very very lucky to have invested wisely and also that dh is a) hugely supportive of me and b) in a very secure financial position.

Depends what you want really. Yes I miss the mega pay slips and the lifestyle that went with it all but I would hardly ever see my dses (or my dh) if I had carried on in that particular job. I was fortunate enough to have my mum around all the time when I was growing up and I wouldn't like to deprive my children of that.

mascaraohara · 27/10/2006 14:13

it would be a mssive lifestyle change to go from ~300k income pa to ~50kpa

Whatever decision you make think long and hard about it

Pollybloodyanna · 27/10/2006 14:16

I stopped once I had 3 children. Also found juggling the nanny and career too difficult. It was much more difficult once my eldest started school ime - he seemed to need me more, and I felt that I was missing out more by not being there. it didn't help that so many school things seem to assume that either you don't work, or you can leave work early/get in late . It was too difficult for me to juggle all of that and I felt that I was neglecting ds by not being there (he has special needs though). Now I have 2 at school, I really feel that I couldn't work full time.

We took a big drop in salary - I earned the same as dh, but kept the house. We just gave up on the holidays and the boden habit. Also I don't go shopping as much!

You will be able to find some kind of part time work if you want to in the future, that is more child friendly, but it probably won't give you the buzz that you get now. Or you will be able to retrain (I am applying to study social work at uni next year). I feel that a whole new world has potentially opened up to me now I am not in the City anymore.

KathyDCLXVI · 27/10/2006 14:17

How about getting a book on careers, skills etc like 'What Colour Is Your Parachute?' and trying to work out if there really is no other job you could do which uses your skills?
FWIW I would guess that you have more transferable skills than you think - even if you can't use all of them, and even if no-one would employ you to start with, you may be able to think of a way to be self-employed using at least some of your skills and knowledge.

LadyMuck · 27/10/2006 14:18

Sorry, just read your 2:10 message. £300k to £50k is a very steep drop in household income. Have to say that I would stick it out for another year or two (but start saving!) so that you have a decent fund.

I guess that it is not just a question of salary but also impact on standard of living and what that means to you. I am considering giving up work but we have no mortgage etc

SueW · 27/10/2006 14:34

I agree with LadyMuck that if you have done it once you can do it again.

Look at pupuce - she gave up a well-paid city job to be a doula but of course she is not just a doula iyswim but her business now is much more family-friendly, afaics

expatinscotland · 27/10/2006 14:35

Yes

FioFio · 27/10/2006 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Marina · 27/10/2006 14:42

Agree utterly with Fio. If you can afford not to work - or maybe give yourself a deadline to salt away some of your salary and bow out in a year's time - and are missing your children, then it is not throwing it all away IMO.
I love my job too although it pays much, much less than yours. But we need my salary, we are joint breadwinners. If we didn't, I'd give up tomorrow, for the same reasons you cite. I would like more time with them.
Big sympathies - I know quite a few WOTH mums who have managed going back after their first child reasonably OK, and found going back after the second extremely upsetting.

JoolsToo · 27/10/2006 14:46

don't know if anyone has suggested a career break but would that be possible - or an extended period of leave to see how you get on with being a sahm?

popsycal · 27/10/2006 14:47

my advice is cost out all your outgoings - see if much would have to change on dh's salary alone.
See what the answer is and what your reaction to that is.....

that is what we did (no where near on the salaries you are on but you live to your means I suppose)

Gobbledispook · 27/10/2006 14:56

Was just going to say that JT! A career break would be a good way to see what it's really like to stay at home and you could start squirreling away some money while you are at it. Mind you, I also agree with those that have said it gets harder once they are at school - I think they do begin to need you more and more then.

On the one hand, it's not really about the money and you can't put a price on the ability to be at home with your children. OTOH, wow, what a big adjustment it will be from £300K to £50K.

Good luck with your decision!

earthtomummy · 27/10/2006 14:56

Yes - I would. It would be a huge change and an enormous financial change, but I felt that the children are only small for such a short time and I missed out on them when I was at work. It might not be a job you can re-enter, but is it what you want to be doing in 10 yrs time - or 20. Would you consider retraining to something else in the future. You have the rest of your life to work. I guess it depends on how much you love your job and only you can know that. But, although I can understand that it has prob. taken so much work etc to get where you are in yr. job and that specific environment - esp. being female, I wouldn't let those particular feelings cloud yr. judgement. I personally resented going back to work (had to for money)and love being a SAHM to my 3. Sometimes it's bloody hard at home all day with 3 little ones demanding stuff left, right and centre, but it is rewarding and when they are all at school fulltime, then I can go back to paid work and do that for the next 20 years. It is such a hard decision so I hope you find an answer - and enjoy it whatever it is.

foxinsocks · 27/10/2006 14:56

soapbox you can't possibly leave just as I am on the verge of returning (says I selfishly!)

I can see how you couldn't go back to what you are doing and I must admit, seeing your children for 2 hours a day while working full time is not bad at all.

There are quite a few traders round here who have gone from major investment banks to smaller private firms not based in the city (so more local to your home) - I don't know if that is an option.

I think it does get harder as they get older but I think you may find it quite difficult to go from what you are doing now to doing nothing at all.

foxinsocks · 27/10/2006 14:59

aarrghh should explain before someone jumps down my throat that I know SAHM is not 'doing nothing at all' - I meant in terms of paid work and the type of work misosoup is doing now!

MissyBabee · 27/10/2006 15:13

not wanting to be morbid, but i usually think about how i would feel, lying on my deathbed in many years time. i would ask myself what gave me the most happiness? a career, lots of disposable income? or spending time with my children, a time that only comes once and soon goes? ask yourself this.

i gave up a very decent career because i could (thankfully my dh earns enough). admittedly it's early days but i have never been happier.

you are in a position to give up work, like me, and be a SAHM. you have the choice - many many don't. on the other hand, many do and choose not to, as you have done so far. it's a very personal thing and only you know deep down if you would be happy to leave work. don't feel under pressure either way. do what will make you happy.

zippitippitoes · 27/10/2006 15:16

I think if you've had the oomph to get on to such a high salary you are unlikely to rest on your laurels and will find yourself doing interesting and worthwhile things soon enough...what about your own business at some point? If you start saving now and cut your outgoings then you could have good sum to start something up yourself/ves

florenceuk · 27/10/2006 15:30

What about trying the public sector? For example, BOE or DMO spring to mind as institutions that might want an experienced trader. You would be unlikely to earn the amount of money you earn now but there would be more part-time options available. What does your DH think? Would he find it a bit hard suddenly being the main breadwinner?
Have to admit I would find a drop from £300k to £50k quite hard unless I already had a bit in the bank or I was willing to move out of London - in your position I would be tempted to save up until I had a sufficient cushion and then look around for something else which would be compatible with part-time.

fairyjay · 27/10/2006 15:32

I agree with what several posters have said - my kids need me more for 'guidance' and 'help' now in their teens, than ever. But their lives are so full, it's very much all on or all off, if you know what I mean!

The drop in income would be pretty dramatic - it might be interesting to experiment on coping with the lower amount of available cash for a couple of
months, and see how feasible it would be for your family.

But don't underestimate the benefits that your family derive from your income. I don't mean in material terms, but presumably you can go on some fabulous holidays in exotic places, creating so many memories for you all, and perhaps paying someone to do housework etc. - I suppose I mean sort of buying 'quality time'.

Nice problem in some ways

TwigTwoolett · 27/10/2006 15:33

I left a well-paid, prestigious job to be a SAHM and have never regretted it

I didn't earn anywhere near that amount though

I assume you have big savings already

I'd say yes .. do it

Or ask your company for a 6 month sabatical?

fairyjay · 27/10/2006 15:34

Ooops - should have said that do you need to do it for you?

SweetyDarling · 27/10/2006 15:34

I know traders who have gone back after a break. Obviously it will depend on the state of the economy at the time, but don't rule it out entirely. You might have to take a step back, but it's not impossible.

bran · 27/10/2006 15:38

Misosoup, since you already have the skills and knowledge could you day trade from home? You would probably have to keep working for a bit to build up a fund to trade with, and it's obviously more risky because you'll be using your own money, but it would use your brain and hopefully provide some income.

TwigTwoolett · 27/10/2006 15:40

why don't you resign after your next bonus then?

then you can use your bonus as seed money

bev1e · 27/10/2006 15:42

How about setting yourself a time limit? i.e. by the time your eldest starts school to have reduced your hours (or changed jobs) and stashed enough money to finance the drop in salary but not having to compromise your standard of living?

As mine have grown older I have found they have needed me home more - help with homework, advice, organising their social lives, just being here for them when they get home from school...

For me it wouldn't be about the money it would be about being fulfilled.

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