Would you leave a £250,000pa job to be a SAHM?

[misosoup]

Ok, I've changed my name for this, not quite sure why....

I really enjoy my job and it is pretty well paid but since I returned to work after having DD2 I have been thinking a lot about this.

I can afford not to work, dh's income is nothing like mine but still above average although it will clearly be a huge drop in our standard of living.

And I miss the kids do much during the day... I spend 2 hours per day with them plus weekends. There is no way I can cut my hours any more and part-time is out of the question.

But I have worked so hard to get here, against all odds. I don't want to throw it all away.

...if you decide to stay at home.

Children need love

I think it's a well-known fact that some women miss work if they become a full-time SAHM and some women do feel the lack of intellectual stimulation if they are with young children all day. Others may feel that less, or get whatever they need in other ways. Surely it depends on many factors - your personality, your job, where you live etc. I really don't think that by saying that, anyone is saying that SAHMs are thick. And it needs to be said because it's a serious consideration in the decision facing the OP.

children need hope, children need loving, children need trust from their fellow man...

is that the gist, not a sheep?

I guess I am objecting to the idea that being a SAHM lacks mental stimulation. I mean you can spend all day watching Trisha, I imagine, but you can also certainly spend the day being challenged.

(I spend much of my time feeling challenged, I should know )

I met a woman in a similar position the other day. She has 3 kids and works a 50 hour week earns 300k pa. But she looks ten years older than she is. SHe is very stressed and miserable, her children didn't seem that happy ( but they could've been having an off day) and her relationship is not great ( but I guess this could be due to another factor).
But the bottom line was she didn't seem happy and I think that's the main thing.
If you are unhappy now, give up work. If you are happy and feel content then don't. But bear in mind that it really is not that hard to survive on 50k in London-- I am on 30k and am a single parent with one dd. Not awash with money but really can't complain.
Good luck!

oh i get a bit annoyed with the "staying at home would send me mad" brigade.
I nealry went a bit loopy and then decided "this IS my life" so might as well enjoy it.
As the kids get bigger the stay at home bit gets to be more fun...and you don't have to be boring, you can try to do interesting things and read papers, books, meet other interesting people.
it doesn't have to be just doing the ironing and baby groups anyway

or earn shedloads of money..
and employ somebody else to do it..

Can i be classed as intelligent if i read The Sunday Times and the latest book by Ian MCwotsit

I don't do ironing or baby groups

am still a SAHM

see, its possible

havent read whole thread but would say as follows:
your children are v young at moment. they need to be looked after by reliable carer who will meet their needs and be kind and loving. as they get older (mine now 7 and 9) they will need YOU much more.
you are clearly dynamic woman with serious work ethic to do well in your career. you must have some v transferable skills.
only you can decide what is best for you / your dc's / your family
both choices have pros and cons.

i am on one year sabbatical from v strssful / high powered / v well paid job. it had all got too much for me and i was hating my work and feeling permanently guilty re children's needs not being met in way they wanted.... am loving it so far. not sure how i'll feel further into my 12 months off.

good luck whatever you decide.

ok am going to bed but do disagree that a young child needs parents less than a 7 or 9 yo

they need them just as much or more, IMO. They just can't express that need as well

anyway

g'nite MN

Sorry but am actually beginning to laugh at this thread.

A £250k job is being described as "pretty well paid".

Filly - the children of whatever age have parents

WOTH isn't quite the same as abandonment you know

Agree with the sabbatical suggestion so you can try it out without losing any career kudos. I went freelance and part-time. Sometimes I love the days I spend with ds, other times I could scream, tbh.

Edam - you have raised a good point

One of the things that sometimes really puts me off giving up work, is the number of threads you see on here where parents have just had it with their DCs.

Or the threads (at the start of the summer holidays) where parents are desperate to see the DCs back at school.

I adore the time I spend with the children - and my whole home life is spent completely devoted to them. I do really worry that if I was around all the time that I'd turn into a moaning mummy

A 250,000 salary is big all right. I imagine it's taken some major grafting to get to that stage.

Personally, no I would not give that up. Especially as you say the door will shut behind you if you leave. It is a personal choice though.

I say 'personally I wouldn't give it up'. I did happily gave up my job to become a sahm. (Wasn't on 250k though, haha!)

I never would have thought I'd hear myself admit this then, but I've struggled with it much more than I ever thought I was going to. Badly at times. Not in a way that's affected the children I hope, but me, certainly. No it wasn't fun at times; far from it. Some people love the full on chaos and no break with pre-schoolers; it's nearly broken me at times. Now I have a little time away from them now they're at school I am so much better at all this.

That makes me feel guilty, but it's true. With hindsight I can see that 24 hr a day sahm-ing isn't for everyone and that that's ok. Everyone is different and while children must always come first, I didn't appreciate that it is also very important that ideally their mother (or main carer) needs to be happy daily too for things to really work well.

I love my days with DS. I do not sit and watch Trisha (or CBeebies) all day. We go out, we go to museums, we read, we shop, we play in the park, we talk, and yes when he's napping I even read the paper or a book; BUT when I go to work I do get something else, something I need, which I can't have when I'm with DS: sustained, concentrated, intellectual mental and creative effort, with satifying results (I write books). If I go without that for a while - eg if DS is ill for a week, or we're on holiday - I do miss it. Don't call me part of a "brigade" or assume I think SAHMs are stupid and dull, just because I value my work. I totally admire SAHMs.

Yes, it's fairly well paid. Partners in City law firms sometimes earn £1m - up to £2m. So £250k is fairly well paid but it's not the most women earn by any means in the City.
But what comes out of this thread is how different people are. Some women (and some men) love being at home and hate working whatever the salaries. Others don't. It's impossible to generalise.

As TG says there can be "full on chaos and no break". That's a good summary. I hate that. I like order, peace, achievement, results, absolutely silent thinking time, pacing myself as I choose (subject to the demands of work), knowing the certain reaction of those I deal with. With my gorgeous children you don't get that - you get unpredictability, having to do things again and again and again, redoing what you just did, clearing up sick, washing clothes again and again. In many ways it's like being a glorified domestic servant except you don't get paid for me... not for everyone. Obviously some bits like playing with them, talking, interacting are great but I always felt I got enough of that at weekends and evenings and mornings.

Taking them to groups is dull as ditchwater after a while once the initial novely wears off. I never once met anyone of any interest at all at those groups. I may have just been unlucky but sitting there clapping singing wheels on a bus is like the deepest edges of hell for me. Thank God I could outsource it. Anyway mid night, just finished last bit of work and yes it was fun...

Oh dear, this is about to kick up!

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have to agree that wheels on the bus is the most brain-meltingly awful song in the world, ever. However some of the songs are great. Why isn't wheels on the bus banned?

oh i am not sure if you are one of the birigade, smowleopard
I have stayed home for a year with ds2 and then gone back to work p/t for the last couple of months so i am not sure where i fit in either.
But I just think it is all too easy to just say "oh, it would be too hard for me to stay home"
I think that sometimes lief gives us stuff we need to deal with and if that is getting less intellectual stimulation form looking after the kids for a while, then, hey there are worse things in the owrld.

Maybe i haven't put that very well, and will get stomped on about it...if it helps your depreesion etc to work, then hey, do it. But here the OP seems to want to give up her job and stay home with the kids.
As far as i can see, and do forgove me if i am wrong, the £250k is making her wonder if she shouldn't.

What if it was £25k, would the answers we all had be different?
And if they were, does that take us into a whole world of "how much woudl you give up a family life for?" type question?

I understand the general dilemma of shall I work or shan't I", but am uncomfortable that the amount the OP earns seems to make a difference to the replies
(or maybe it doesn't?)

Not that I agree with everything Xenia says.

ohhh! but I like the wheels on the bus! you can sing it like a mantra!

For me, the issues are that the huge drop in salary may be a shock (notwithstanding the fact that many of us live on much less) and hard to adjust to, and that as she is obviously used to a very demanding work life, she might experience the lack of a particular kind of stimulation (for want of a less offensive phrase) that does affect some of us if we stop work altogether. That's why I suggested possibly part-time/freelance work as a compromise. It's not that 250K is so much, being with the kids might or might not be worth that much money. It's more about how it affects her and what it means to her personally...

ugh Chandra it drives me up the wall. It's so... facile - both lyrically and musically. Row row row your boat on the other hand - with the animal verses - now that's entertainment. Or She'll be wearing pink pajamas.