Would you leave a £250,000pa job to be a SAHM?

[misosoup]

Ok, I've changed my name for this, not quite sure why....

I really enjoy my job and it is pretty well paid but since I returned to work after having DD2 I have been thinking a lot about this.

I can afford not to work, dh's income is nothing like mine but still above average although it will clearly be a huge drop in our standard of living.

And I miss the kids do much during the day... I spend 2 hours per day with them plus weekends. There is no way I can cut my hours any more and part-time is out of the question.

But I have worked so hard to get here, against all odds. I don't want to throw it all away.

No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't leave my current FT job to be a SAHM. May sound awful but I really don't think I'd be happy if I was a SAHM. I think the most I'd do is cut the hours that I work.

it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than to make a jam buttie in todays food climate.

Dh is very supportive of me staying at home... I think he would like this.

We both come from below average income families so we know what it means to be living on lower income. But it also means it is harder to give up what we have achieved if you see what I mean.

Thank you everyone for your comments so far, they are really helping me weight my options.

"For me it wouldn't be about the money it would be about being fulfilled. "

GAH

what? its unfulfilling raising your own children??

arse

It's how you cut your cloth re the money. There is a minimum threshold on which to survive I think and you are way above that even on the 50k a year. What lifestyle do you lead with all the cash if you don't mind me asking?

For me, even though it can be tedious at times, watching my kids develop is worth more money than anyone could fling at me. What's the point of having a fortune if you can't find the time to kick a ball round the garden

Watch who you're calling an arse! I am an extremely fulfilled SAHM - never said a word about raising my children being unfulfiling!!

my friend (former investment bank geek) wrote her thesis on how women in banking get sidelined the minute they take time off for children. it's crazy. spend all this time and effort training people and then bang - all gone the minute their womb is pressed into action. The banks interviewed all said it was something they were working on.

are there other things you are interested in? my friend did an MBA, for example, and is a SAHM.

I wasn't calling you an arse

I was exclaiming 'arse' at the concept

sorry for misunderstanding

I wouldnt- call me selfish but I wouldnt give up any job to be a SAHM. Before anybody slates me for saying so- being at home with chldren day in - day out would drive me mad- but each to their own. I salute SAHMs but just would not be able to do it myself.

250k is a LOT of money- obviously you would notice the difference? If the money is not an issue and you really want to do it then I say go for it. Life is too short for the 'what ifs???'

Hmmm. Having pondered on this one - I think in my case, personally, some of the choices I made earlier in life indicated to me that I was more the "have children, stay at home with them, do lots of crafty things and make lovely messes and enjoy all their milestones and cook a lot" person than a "get a high-powered job in the City, work all the hours God sends, have high-powered friends and live a very adult-centred life" person. I appreciate that not everybody is the same, things are not clearcut and other people's choices are every bit as valid as mine - but I had a few "crossroad moments" when I was younger, making choices about jobs/locations/etc, that taught me stuff I needed to know about what would make me happy in the long run, and although I do sometimes get that "grass is greener" feeling, I do think I've done the right thing for me and my particular children. I'm just not the sort of person who would lie on their deathbed saying "I wish I'd spent more time at the office" .

So I find your thread title question difficult to answer - if I had taken the choices that would have led me into a career which was lucrative and successful on that scale, I think that would indicate that I wasn't the sort of person to be happy staying at home being dependent on dh's income and having to choose value brand toilet paper to make ends meet, IYKWIM.

What a very inarticulate post, I do apologise. . I think these decisions are so utterly unique and personal, I find myself saying things like "follow your heart" or "listen deeply to yourself". I hope you make the right decision for you, anyway.

TwigTwoolett, looks like I misunderstood too - apologies.

I was trying to make the point (and obviously not very well) that me being at home for my children far outweighs a massive pay packet. But I can appreciate that the drop in salary would be hugely missed.

I left my job last year as I was sick of childcare arrangements breaking down or the kids complaining that they did not want a childminder( they were 10 10 and 14 )
I also felt that they actually needed me to be around more and that it got tougher as they got older to juggle everything.
Anyway a year on I havent returned to work and dont miss the work itself but what I do miss is the intellectual stimulation and the company of other adults.
Altho I used to scoff at the idea of joining the PTA I have done so and I also do vuluntary work.
I had worked mostly full time for over 20 years and it came as a huge shock to me just how long it took me to adjust - I did find it lonely at the start now I love the peace and quiet.
If you do decide to go ahead I would say to start looking a buiding up some kind of support network before you stop if at all possible - the best route is thro mothers and toddlers or playgroups.
This is where I met my best friends and can thoroughly recommend it - altho I used to scoff at this too!!!!!!!!!
Anyway the best of luck whatever you decide.

Gosh that is a lot of money. If I was in the position of earning that much I would find it very difficult to give it up.

Before I had kids I always knew that I would want to be SAHM, so much so that if we couldn't have afforded it I would have preferred not to have children at all - couldn't bear the idea of leaving them and having someone else looking after them.

But since I had dss I have seen a few families close up where both parents work and are supported in childcare by gps or nannies. The kids do miss their mum but their lives seem to be functioning fine and they have adjusted to their circumstances. So my views are not so rigid anymore.

One thing I have come to realise is that parenting is about balance - everything comes with a price. How old are your kids (apologies if you've already said, haven't read the whole thread).

Just seen they are 2.5 and 1, still very young.

I would say NO. Don't do it. See whether your DH would consider being a SAHD and have you bve the breadwinner. I am a SAHM with an MBA ... never fell in love with any career so was an easy decision for me. If I had, though, I would welcome the opportunity to both demonstrate to my children that there is more to a woman than being a mother, and also set an example for daughters and sons alike that women can have high-powered careers.

I'm perfectly happy where I am and lucky DH earns our living, but do have utmost respect for women who have gotten to where you are. That's not worth dropping out at any cost. You can spend time with your children as fathers do and still be very close to them and have a profound influence on their lives. I see that with DH, who works long hours and yet is as much of an influence in our sons' lives as I am, so I KNOW it's possible.

Yes I would.
I didn't earn that much but I did earn a pretty compfortable salary. I gave it up and I don't regret it for a second.
I loved my career and I was very committed to it and I was good at it.
but this life is seriously fkn priceless, honestly. I get to spend all day every day with two beautiful, wonderful people and get to share in their lives in a way that I simply would not have had the time or the energy to do had I continued in my career.
I know what was expected of me for less than half your salary so I can imagine what is expected of you.
if you want stimulation, then there are many ways to find that. your self esteem does not have to come from work and it is a myth put about by capitalists that it does. you can find a place for yourself and a happy life for yourself in your family and in the community.
every woman I know in her fifties talks about how important her children are in her life, beyond anything else.
anyway that's my point of view.

I don't think I move to living on such a significantly different income. 16% of your current gross income ... I know it's not so substantial one you factor tax in, but it's still probably 30% of what you have today as a family. Particularly as you say you don't want to throw all your hard work away. I think the emotional toil in the early years is particularly hard. However, for me, that kind of income buys long term security and I agree than in 5 years time, your children will need you even more. I think the suggestion of a month at home on family leave, and living on the much reduced income is a great idea. I think I'd start to live on a much reduced income and stop striving so much at work (not coasting exactly, but definitely slow it down a bit), work for another 5 years and bank the dosh for security.

Do you live near good state schools? You probably couldn't afford private school for 2 on 50k.

(by the way, we now live on about 36% of our old income. it took a few adjustments but it's only money - seriously. If you earn £1/4m pa, then if you need money later you can get another job. unless you are going to be homeless and penniless, which you are not, I think the money is a red herring in the grand scheme of things)

I didn't like my job at all when I met dh for the first time (well he wasn't my husband then), consequently it was very easy for me to follow him here in England. I then studied for an ma with vague projects of a career that could be a bit better then the one I had left in Italy. then I got pg, because lets face it, I've always wanted to have children. I'm a sahm, and enjoying it. Still, yes I do fill unfulfilled. I wonder whether that's more to me than being a good enough mum. Maybe a career wouldn't be a solution, though.
I think that if you really like working, if that is a big part of your personality then it might be difficult to quit just like that. But if you feel jealous of your nanny etc, still, you need a change. I'm sure with your experience you could find something else, which'd leave more time to be with your dc?

I work full time in a pretty demanding job and my income is around 3x DP's. We could survive on DP's income but I have decided that the best thing for my family and I is for me to work. I have 1DS and took extended maternity leave so got a feel for the life of a SAHM. I loved the experience, I wasn't bored, I had great fun and felt proud of what I was doing. However, as a previous posted pointed out, if you are used to a great deal of intellectual stimulation you may find it very difficult to adapt. You also need to consider how it will change your relationship with DH - you are currently financially independant and I found that I felt differently when my maternity pay stopped (I got full pay for 6MO and half pay for 6MO.)

I'm not saying you should or should not give up work, I'm just saying that there are many things to consider which may not be obvious. Another poster mentioned a 'trial' - parental leave or a sabbatical. I would definately consider this before making a firm decision.

Sorry for long post but this is a really difficult one with no right answer. SAHM, full time job or anything in between is down to the individual, good luck.

It is an incredibly complex decision, I find.

As my DCs grow up I can see that the time when they will need me around running out rapidly! In 10 years time, they won't really care too much while I am here or not.

I don't do the whole 'adult' world at the expense of the children though, that Greeny sort of suggests - we are only talking about 1.5 hours a day less with them than a SAHM would have with the children. And much of that 1.5 hours is grunt time - cooking, feeding, clearing up time.

So for me it about weighing up a short time 4 days a week - a few weeks of holiday a year, with knowing that in 10 years time they;ll swan off into the distance and I'll be sitting at home gutted - having given it all up and no-one to look after any more And of course without the hefty six figure salary to spend

I'm sorry Miso to go on, but I'm only running through my own arguments on the basis that it might give you some food for thought!

In your situation I would try and live on your DH's salary for a few months (perhaps you could pay for all your work-related costs, e.g. nanny, travel,etc. out of yours). You need an idea of how you and your family would adjust and I really think it would be difficult. Also, if you love your job it would take a while to do the SAHM and be happy about it. You would undoubtedly have a honeymoon period but the monotony of it might drive you up the wall too. I have done it for 10 years now and find myself wondering frequently if it was the right thing to do. My children seem to take it for granted that I will be there for them and chase around after them because I don't work. DD1 has even been known to remark "well, what do you do all day?".
It is a huge decision to make and I don't envy you. Best of luck.

Sorry - just done the calculations again - it is actually about 2 hours a day, 2.5 on one day a week when they are home from school earlier. So 8.5 hours a week less.

You'd think as an accountant I might have got that one right

I don't think the amount you earn is relevant. You know whether you would rather be at home or work and as long as you can afford not to work then the actual salary doesn't matter. Do what makes you and your family happiest.