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Original poster

Would you leave a £250,000pa job to be a SAHM?

1000 replies

misosoup · 27/10/2006 13:43

Ok, I've changed my name for this, not quite sure why....

I really enjoy my job and it is pretty well paid but since I returned to work after having DD2 I have been thinking a lot about this.

I can afford not to work, dh's income is nothing like mine but still above average although it will clearly be a huge drop in our standard of living.

And I miss the kids do much during the day... I spend 2 hours per day with them plus weekends. There is no way I can cut my hours any more and part-time is out of the question.

But I have worked so hard to get here, against all odds. I don't want to throw it all away.

OP posts:
KTeepee · 27/10/2006 17:16

The main thing I would say is that if you gave up work and then a few years later wanted to go back when they are at school, it is a lot easier to negotiate flexible hours in a job you are already doing, than try to find a new part-time job from scratch when you have been a sahm for a few years.

I gave up after no. 2 arrived and though I was really happy to do so, I can now see that it is restricting my options once I decide to go back in a couple of years.

Is there absolutely no way you can go to say a 4 day week or evn a 5 day week but working from home one day?

LoveMyGirls · 27/10/2006 17:35

i don't see why you cant start again in say 10years, if you made it this far once you can do it again surely? ok you wont go bk to exactly where you are now but its not like if you decide to go back to work you'll only be good enough for mcdonalds is it!
how long has it taken you to get where you are, how old are you now if you dont mind me asking?

misspollyhadadolly · 27/10/2006 18:26

£250k is one hell of a salary and I imagine that the sort of income you earn means that your children have a pretty priviledged(?sp) lifestyle.

I would be reluctant to let that go.

Would your DH consider giving up his job and being a SAHD, that way, they still get the benefit of spending time with a parent.

You'd still miss them of course....but it might be a compromise.

Mercy · 27/10/2006 18:46

Miso, sorry have only read your first post; you say " But I have worked so hard to get here, against all odds. I don't want to throw it all away".

I don't understand what you think you may be throwing away.

But what you may be throwing away is the opportunity to spend more time with your children if that's what you really want.

Judy1234 · 27/10/2006 19:03

Carry on. Being at home is boring and I just could never have stood it. My teenagers are all glad I worked. Just wait until they're clamouring for expensive trainers, skiing holidays etc and I'm afraid they rather like the fact I worked and earn quite a bit. They can see the difference in living standards we would have had had we lived on their father's income. It would have been a massive change of life. I'm not saying you can't be happier poorer because of course you can but also remember you have about 30 years working life to 65 which you will be letting go right down the pan - very very hard to get it back after. Also your self esteem my plummet and people will view you differently when they ask you at parties what you do. Also work is terribly interesting and intellectually challenging. Changing nappies isn't.

I think you owe it to women, your family and your husband and yourself to carry on working.

I wonder why you miss your children so much in the day and I don't. What makes that difference? Why do some people have that missing feeling and others don't.

soapbox · 27/10/2006 19:09

Xenia - I find I look at it the other way around.

I'm reasonably happy if they don't miss me during the day, but very unhappy if I know that they do!

I suppose I'm far less likely to miss them if I know they are happy, than if I know they are not.

In some ways it would be easier if I was in an impossible job, where I could never make any school events or was staying away from home regularly - then the decision would be so much easier!

Greensleeves · 27/10/2006 19:12

Xenia, if you worked, how do you know it is boring to stay at home and bring your children up yourself?

And what I do with my children all day amounts to a little more than changing nappies. Not all SAHMs are dead from the neck up, you know.

Blu · 27/10/2006 19:12

If i earned £250k and DP earned £50k, i would do all I could to encourage him to be a sahd. I would know my children were with a parent, the quality of our life would improve a lot if we weren't both juggling everything, etc etc.

But I understand that YOU want to be with the kids. Hard. I would be more concerned about career continuity than the cash.

Greensleeves · 27/10/2006 19:13

And I don't think "being asked what you do at parties" is a terribly grave consideration, really, is it? Even to someone of such huge intellectual might as yourself.

harpsichordcarrion · 27/10/2006 19:15

blimey that's a bit shallow Xenia.
money/new trainers/ski-ing holidays are more important to children
I for one couldn't give a toss how people view me when they find out what I do at parties how very very trivial.

taMummy · 27/10/2006 19:24

"you owe it to women"- huh? How much pressure do you want to put on her? Misosoup, you do what your heart tells you. I am with Blu, I would worry about giving up my career for ever more than the money but I'm sure your skills are transferable to setting up your own business, for example.

FioFio · 27/10/2006 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Greensleeves · 27/10/2006 19:28

Mosto f the parties I've been to I think people have thought I was a weirdo, or a drunk

harpsichordcarrion · 27/10/2006 19:28

let me just say here and now misosoup, you don't owe it to me

taMummy · 27/10/2006 19:29

No, I'll bow out of that one too harpsi

FioFio · 27/10/2006 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nogoes · 27/10/2006 19:30

Oh Xenia.

Judy1234 · 27/10/2006 19:32

I'm not actually very materialistic and I'm a Catholic (except on thnigs like school fees and holidays and the house) and I work because I love the work. Teenagers can be materialistic however well you try to bring them up. Also sadly there comes a point when children don't want their mothers around much and then you're left, bereft and on the career shelf, an irrelevance, redundant, depressed, the menopause calling, looking old, husbands looking elsewhere. A career removes some of those problems.

In fact I'm sure it's off putting for potential men ( I was divorced after 19 years and that's an issue too if you earn a lot, it costs you a fortune but on the other hand you're not then on benefits ift he man skips the country, if you've kept up your career). I shall be reincarnated as an air hostess. Any parent who chooses not to work (and most don't have a choice) should have their choice respected of course they should but it should be as much a question for men and women in an equal society and it often isn't.

Obviously I spent 2 weeks holidays with children, weekends. My oldest is 22 years so I've had a good few years of being a mother and working and I do know I find it boring. I don't like those domestic things, the doing of jobs that are then undone. I loved breastfeeding. I love even now cuddling and playing with the 8 year olds. I'm afraid I also like the life we have, the private schools, holidays and I suppose being able to replicate my own childhood. Most people probably want to have what their parents had materially.

I was only over egging the pudding on the carry on working side because I was assuming few would do it. I also know my mother gave up work and was very very unhappy about it once we started getting a bit older and it caused her no end of problems. She just couldn't accept living in the shadow of my father's career when she had had a good career of her own. Economic dependence on a man who cuold leave at any point is another risk and issue which some women love but others don't.

May be analyse the issue. You miss the children so much in the day.... So how old are they? That missing doesn't last long. When they're 5 they'll be at school all day so you'd be missing them even if you stayed at home. Also if you had them at home you might not like it. Some firms will give a sabbatical so you could suck it and see in terms of the time at home may be? Or what about having another baby and just using maternity leave to have a bit of stay at home time if you want that. Would your husband agree? I'm not sure many women on here would be happy if their £250k a year husband decided to pack in work because he missed the children. It ought to be a sexually neutral issue.

jabberthefriendlyghost · 27/10/2006 19:35

Personally, I would have dh be the SAHD. Working in a high-powered environment as you are I think you might find it incredibly difficult to gear down into full-time mommy mode. Also, making a lot of money can be more than just the numbers on your paycheck. It starts to become part of who you are in a very insidious way. I'm not saying that you couldn't get used to it, but get ready for a real blow to your ego and self-esteem initially. I took a 50 - 60% cut a few years ago to go part-time and it probably took me at least 2 years to get my head around it. And of course, there's the plain and simple fact of just having a lot less money. Even though you may have grown up living frugally, you have still gotten used to having quite a bit of disposable income. When getting your nails done becomes a huge luxury, well, it takes some getting used to.
If you really feel that this is the road for you, I would certainly try to take a leave first before making any permanent decisions.

notasheep · 27/10/2006 19:35

misosoup-we cant have it all.its your choice.My choice this financial year is to be a SAHM and up till today i have earned £300

Shocked my the age of your children

xena · 27/10/2006 19:37

lol Greensleeves I'm sure DH's collegues sp? think of me like that. But here i am busily losing a stone so that I don't look like i'm pg again (I was pg last christmas party so had an excuse!)
In reply to the op though I really don't know, can't stand the thought of leaving the DC's with anyone else, yet am pondering the fact that i'd like to train to do something. I'd also like to add my voice to those that say that their children demand 'more' of them as they get older- as the saying goes the little people little problems bigger people bigger problems

notasheep · 27/10/2006 19:38

by

TheBlonde · 27/10/2006 19:46

In answer to the OP - No I wouldn't give up 250K and a job I enjoyed

Question - why now? You didn't want to be a SAHM before? what's changed?

cece · 27/10/2006 19:48

Our neighbour works in the city and her dh is a SAHD. It seems to work for them.

CountessDracula · 27/10/2006 20:04

TBH I think it is a vast drop in salary, I take it you have no mortgage to worry about, but have you really sat down and gone through your outgoings. Will you be able to cover them and still have enough left over for a comforableish life?

What does your dh think of the SAHD option? I guess that doesnt help you really.

I would also try to go p/t it can't hurt to ask surely? You never know you might be surprised

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