Would you leave a £250,000pa job to be a SAHM?

[misosoup]

Ok, I've changed my name for this, not quite sure why....

I really enjoy my job and it is pretty well paid but since I returned to work after having DD2 I have been thinking a lot about this.

I can afford not to work, dh's income is nothing like mine but still above average although it will clearly be a huge drop in our standard of living.

And I miss the kids do much during the day... I spend 2 hours per day with them plus weekends. There is no way I can cut my hours any more and part-time is out of the question.

But I have worked so hard to get here, against all odds. I don't want to throw it all away.

if you want to stay home , then stay home

I really don't see that it matters if you earn £2.50, £25k or £250k tbh.

If you really want to stay with the kids then do it!
Squirrel as much away as possible and sort out the loans and then just stop working.
I think the fact that it is a meg sum of money is a bit overwhelming, but really it just isn't about money is it?
Kids can be dressed in 2nd hand stuff and you cn buy toys from jumble sales...the best fun is had by doing not alot with the kids- just spending time with them. And money is irrelevant IMO.

True, you need money to live, but a £50k income should be able to support that??

What is the point in all that money if you miss your kids- said my dh when he read the thread.

Message withdrawn

And i am struggling a bit with the giving up allI have acheived so far to stay home- but stopping working now doesn't mean that you didn't achieve your status- it just means that you are no longer doing that job..
you DID achieve alot and you should be proud of yourself.
but if you really do want to stay home with the kids, then stay home and be proud of that too! We all know it isn't a walk in the park every day

Misosoup, yes I would - but I would also retrain to do something I could do part-time from home - something that uses your brain a lot like programming or writing, or running a small business - or consultancy in your existing field? I work from home p-t, it's paid quite well (nothing like your salary but enough to be a major contribution to the household and have my own spending money) and it does keep me sane to work. My DS goes to nursery three days a week, but you could be a SAHM for a while and then maybe work up to one or two nursery days or half-days a week for your girls if you find that being with them all week is not enough mental stimulation for you which I think you might. I love my set up; I spend 4 days a week with DS (2 on my own, 2 with DP) and I look forward to both the work days and the DS days. being freelance is the best of all worlds because you earn money, but have no awkward boss or resentful colleagues, totally flexible hours and no commute.

But when it comes down to it, time with your DDs is what you want, and I think you should follow your heart. The kind of privilege your money can buy them now is more than any child really needs - and as someone who grew up relatively poor myself, I now feel rich and love the fact that I can buy food I like and buy myself clothes. Kids who grow up wealthy must be less likely to have that joy and that's one reason I wouldn't want great wealth for us.

wow, can't imagine what it would be like to earnt hat much. When you say it would be a huge drop in your standard of living - what exactly would you lose out on. I found that after a certain point what we earnt went at least partially on supporting a standard of living which was expected in our jobs/earning bracket. For example dry cleaning bills, taxi's, daily help etc.

I'd think long and hard about chucking it all in, like someone has already pointed out you must work very hard in a particular kind of high stress, high action job righ tnow. Being a SAHM (I'm one right now) is hard work but frequently repetative and boring. Take DS to park, take DS to park again, feed DS lunch, feed DS lunch again. You spend alot of time with small beings who can't talk and who are very messy!

If I were you i'd take a months hol/parental leave. Set yourself the budget you would have if you gave up work - ie if you'd have to do without a car during the day don't allow yourself to use your comapny car. If money would be tight for treats then no trips to fun warehouses every day!
See how it goes - if you and your daughters love it then maybe you want to make the change, but the reality of daily SAHM is often very different to the idealised view you get when its 5pm and you are missing your daughters bathtime. they aren't always lovely!

Personally I'd only ever bee earning that much in one of two scenarios - I adored my work and was probably running my own business in which case DH would likely be a SAHD or I was working for a maximum of a year earning that much cash so I could then take the next 3 years off on savings. So in the first case i'd never give it up and in the second i'd have it built in that i was giving it up!

I'd really recomend you give the SAHM thing a try first, it is a big change to make.

Good luck with the decision.

I must admit that we have to count pennies and DH earns 50K- we have 4DC's and live in london

dont know if this has been asked, but, can you go to part time? Sorry if it has.

btw greensleeves, being asked what you do at parties can be a worry because if the party is full of people who have something other than children to talk about then you end up on your own in a corner, and before anyone says - but then you don't want to talk to them. Actually I do, i want to talk to people about other sutff and to have that instant vein of chitchat about work. If I say I'm a SAHM it takes another 30 minutes to convince them I'm worth talking to again!

I'm not a SAHM, I'm part-time, and I work in a sector that doesn't pay anything like yours but the work is intellectually stimulating etc etc

however by the far the most difficult and challenging work is the work I do at home and I think it is one of the most unappreciated jobs going, especially by some women

Of course you can keep your self esteem as a mum by knowing that you are doing your best, just as you feel good about doing a day's work. You can be a crap SAHM or a really good one, just like you can be a crap Whatever Important Thing or a good one. Some people coast at work, some people coast at home.

tbh if my dh earned £50k I wouldn't work; but we don't earn that between us so I have to. In terms of what would happen when your teenage kids leave you a dried up old prune, as Xenia happily points out, how many sectors have seen their industries change or completely die over 10-15 years - the same amount of time that we are talking about here? we can't rely on a career anymore in the same way

I don't have an inkling what I'll be doing in 15 years time but I know that at this moment I would rather spend more time with my kids and I wish I could spend even more.

As for my teenagers wanting trainers, I didn't have kids so I could buy them expensive stuff, and that's not my main job, now or later. I think it's the weakest possible argument going.

I just wanted to put the working point of view. I think if she gave up she'd hate it. It's a grass is greener point and usually the grass isn't greener and once out it's hard to get back. Depends on what you're after. Do you want private schools for quite a few children, nice holidays, simialr life styles of their friends, ability to buy nice clothes on a whim. Even on f£250k if you have a biggish London house and education to pay for there's no change.

But people do down size. If the children are young enough not to remember the day of the big house, nice schools, holidays etc then by all means make that sacrifice on their b ehalf but don't expect them to be grateful for it.You're doing it for yourself and no one will thank you an dindeed they and your husband may well curse you for it because you're chosoing to drop the standard of living of all those people who financially rely on you which is a big change.

I think therapy to talk about missing the children may be cheaper and more fun.

Xenia are you taking the piss or what??

Agree with Xenia, don't do it, just make the most of the parental leave you are allowed and take as many holidays as you can reasonably get away with.
That been said I'm a SAHM at the moment, dealing with a dh who doesn't want me to go back to work, as he wants to be the great white hunter..whilst deciding he himself wants to swap jobs, when we can't afford a pay cut!!

at Xenia's last post
which I pray was tongue in cheek...

"Even on £250k if you have a biggish London house and education to pay for there's no change." [is there a ROFPMSL emoticon]. I live in a three bedroom house (not big admittedly) in one of the most expensive boroughs in London and would STILL have a few coppers change from £250,000pa.

Xenia - agree with you.

IF you miss your kids and enjoy being a SAHM thats great but not every woman does! why on earth can't DH/DP be a SAHD?

if you miss your kids you need therapy???

I don't earn anything near what you are earning but I currently work just 13 hours and am thinking about increasing my hours. But I've just decided to put off doing that for another year.

I decided that when dd was grown up I'd never look back and wish I'd spent more time at work, and I wouldn't want the alternative, that I wished I'd spent more time with her.

I have not read the full thread so appologies if I'm repeating what some one has already said.

I think the salary you are getting shows clearly two things:

a) You are passionate about your work
b) ... and you have a particular talent to do it.

So, if we asume those 2 points are true, apologies if I get it wrong but I would say that you would have a honey moon period staying at home with the children, but will start missing badly the person you were at work very soon.

I agree that downsizing to a smaller firm may be a good option.

Xenia, controversial POV but you tell it like it is.

It's very hard to get by... laughing at myself as I type...

"Even on £250k if you have a biggish London house and education to pay for there's no change." [is there a ROFPMSL emoticon]. I live in a three bedroom house (not big admittedly) in one of the most expensive boroughs in London and would STILL have a few coppers change from £250,000pa."

First you donate 41% of Mr Blair. I hope he spends it wisely, which leaves about £147k. Then most people don't have 5 lots of school and university fees like me but say you have three, that's about £30k, day schools and you probably need someone to collect the children after school and do holidays so add that on too. Then mortgage (mine is particularly enormous because my divorce pay out to exhusband was so huge but even without that London houses are not cheap), holidays etc. It soon goes. Pension. Insurance.

Anyway at least you have choices if you pick well paid careers. It's something we need to makes sure children know so that they know what's possible even if they choose to do something else. All good fun. Work is fun, so is life and the key is to pick work you'll enjoy for 40 years which was my father's only advice to us all and very wise.

I do feel there is a certain implcation that we who stay at home with kids are easily satisfied numpties with nothing to say at parties. Believe it or not, many of have actually had careers and in fact, some of us can read.

To the OP-depends on your values in life, I guess. I think bringing up my kids the way I want them brought up is hugely important to me.

Its also a lot of fun.

Why are you working for all this money? Is it because earning a lot validates you? Or because you want to be happy? Or what? Seriously? What do you want?

Oh and teenagers will certainly want expensive things. Bloody hell, I want expensive things. Thats not a good reason to work, IMO. Kids need your time more than anything you can buy (except possibly food, hmmm)

how difficult for you, Xenia

it's terrible what some people have to live on

also just cos you are clearly good at investments does not mean you will not also be good at SAHMdom

being good at working out of the home and being good at staying at home and working looking after your kids are not two mutually exclusive things.

I was fecking good at my job. And I am a bloody good SAHM, even if I am on here rather a lot. So there.

I don't think that you are better or worse if you have decided, or not, to be a SAHM. But if you always wanted to be a mum and dreamed of the things you will do with your children then you may feel unfullfiled working full time, while if you always dreamed of having an extremely successful career and didn't dream about children until later in your life you may feel equally unfullfiled.