Teacher upset with my child questioning about trans child

[sarahandsage]

Was Called into school today.
My daughter has just started reception in September, it’s a lovely village school, and she’s made lots of friends and settled in really well.

Yesterday I was called into have chat with her teacher.
Was informed my child has a trans girl in her class, and that my child is questioning the teacher every day about this.
That all the other children accept this child was born in the wrong body, yet my daughter is questioning ‘too much’.

I said we encourage curiosity amongst our children, so am
not surprised.

The teacher then said that my child was taken to one side and read a couple of books :
My name is Jazz
and one about a crayon that feels like a different colour.
Which was astonishing to me, because really singling out a child to (as the teacher said ) “Get her on board”, feels very pushy.

My daughter is very kind, and plays with all the children in the class including the trans girl.
The teacher is not concerned with unkindness, but that my daughter is not accepting enough, and she has asked us to reiterate pronouns and that this child is a girl.

This is the first school experience for us, as previously my daughter was at a childminder

It feels very wrong to single out a child, and read books that introduce a concept that we haven’t broached with our children yet.

Do you also raise your Dc to accept that whatever lies an adult tells them is the truth?

I think it’s helpful to know that everyone can get things wrong. That people will make mistakes about names and pronouns, and that she shouldn’t worry too much about inconsistency. I am assuming here, I suppose, that the pronouns being used for the child who has been transed are inconsistent which is why OP’s DD is asking questions.

I certainly don’t think OP’s child should be told they are making a mistake, just that there’s a broader concept of mistakes happen to everyone, teachers and children alike, and don’t get too hung up on it.

I’ve been a teacher, and some children are hampered by their own determination to avoid mistakes and to correct other people’s mistakes. It saps their confidence and upsets the other children.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
A 4 year old who is being groomed into believing they can change sex is a massive safeguarding concern. His parents are lying to him, his teacher is lying to him and she is forcing the children in his class to lie to him too.

I would reiterate the correct pronouns as the child is biologically a boy and therefore will never be a girl no matter how much he wants it to be true. I'd be explaining to my child that some people have a poorly brain which makes them think they are something they are not, and no my children do not have to accept a lie to make someone else comfortable.

If this is indeed true, then I'd be questioning the safeguarding and any potential neglect/abuse going on at home because let's be real here, a child at aged 4 cannot be classed as transgender, they simply do not know or understand the differences and is more times than not being pushed onto the child by one or both of their parents (usually a mother/father desperate for a daughter but got a son and vice versa)

Not something I would pander too I'm afraid.

Good on your daughter for asking questions, sounds like she has her head screwed on.

“Who has been transed”

Thats a bit of a Freudian slip isn’t it!

If true, i hope this child one day realises...im a biological boy and the parents are made to look ridiculous. It makes me angry! because a 4yo wouldnt even know what trans means. I feel like the parents have pushed for their childs identity to be as such. Sorry if that offends anyone but its so wrong.

Maybe she’s not getting satisfactory answers.

OP, what is your child specifically asking? Why does she ask the same things again and again? Does this child present as the sex they were born in, or the gender they believe they are? I think people would be able to help more if you were being clearer.

Very deliberate @Soontobe60 ! I do not believe a 4yr old can consent to or drive this. There is no such thing as a trans child.

Id push back a bit. Is dd go on and on? Why cant school just deal with it.

There is no way you should have been called in about this. And your child doesn't need books read to them about it specially.

I simple 'sweetheart can we save questions for later' and redirect is more than appropriate in the classroom in reception.

Id speak to head teacher about dd being singled out. That its ok for dd to ask questions. The teacher needs to deal with it and gently redirect. If dd uses pronouns different to one child's parents gave chosen for them to use then again the teacher or the child can gently remind.

She doesnt need to get on board - horrible term.

Tbh i dont knownhow I would explain it to my children at that age. Sometimes Iv had to just say 'look dc, Sarah wants to be called Sarah and called her, thats their choice' we respect their choice.

Yes, this. Many abusers will groom children into accepting as normal things that they (the children) know are very much not normal, and that something really strange is going on - but will then go on to gaslight the children and blame them for asking questions about it.

Whilst we need to teach children to respect adults, we absolutely must not seek to brainwash them into believing that adults never get anything wrong, or that they never deliberately tell lies for the purpose of gaining some kind of advantage. This is very basic safeguarding.

Absolute,unadulterated nonsense.

Can I just clarify that this is a state primary school in the UK?

This thread is wild.

Do people really spend their time indoctrinating small children into gender ideology, talking about "gay animals" (wtf?!) and intentionally discussing how some people are white / brown / black / mixed without it coming up in conversation?

It’s an issue if your child is repeatedly questioning something about another child every day (trans issue aside). There’s a difference between being curious and being relentless.

As soon as that child is 8 he will have to use the boy's toilets. That's going to confuse/upset everyone.

Are they really allowed to push the " Born in the wrong body " narrative. I thought that was contested at best.
It's crap OP, but we've navigated it by telling the children nobody can change sex, of course they're still a boy, you just can't mention it.
How awful that teachers are required to lie to small children.

Your daughter is asking questions so the teacher gave her a book to help her understand.

You don't want to have this discussion with your daughter, but she's asking questions. Why?

No, of course not.

This is insane. Is this in the UK?

If the child was different in some other way would you still think it was fine for your daughter to go on about it in school? A race she hadn't seen before? Disabled or had a deformity? Or just very feminine rather than 'trans'? No, it is not acceptable.

Regardless of your views on the matter, fwiw I don't think a five year old can be trans, it is not this particular child's fault and they deserve to go to school without harassment. This child is likely already on the path for a more difficult life than his peers

How darf of you!

Just easier to call everyone they/them and use their names.

Id be inclined to report the madness to SS too - at what age was this child told they could be ‘trans’. My son wore dresses and liked to pretend to be Elsa in nursery - just like his big sister. We did not even discuss the notion of transgender because I think it’s perfectly reasonable for people to choose how they dress, have their hair etc.

Also - I don’t believe in the social construct we call ‘gender’ and I wasn’t going to teach my children something I don’t believe in.

I would be livid. Make a formal complaint and remove your daughter immediately.
The trans child is a boy and very young.
Who is pushing their own agenda on a young children. That book should not be in reception.Complain to Ofsted and the governors too.
Id be telling the local paper too!!!!

Oh the irony 😂

Also report to social services as a safeguarding issue.