Teacher upset with my child questioning about trans child

[sarahandsage]

Was Called into school today.
My daughter has just started reception in September, it’s a lovely village school, and she’s made lots of friends and settled in really well.

Yesterday I was called into have chat with her teacher.
Was informed my child has a trans girl in her class, and that my child is questioning the teacher every day about this.
That all the other children accept this child was born in the wrong body, yet my daughter is questioning ‘too much’.

I said we encourage curiosity amongst our children, so am
not surprised.

The teacher then said that my child was taken to one side and read a couple of books :
My name is Jazz
and one about a crayon that feels like a different colour.
Which was astonishing to me, because really singling out a child to (as the teacher said ) “Get her on board”, feels very pushy.

My daughter is very kind, and plays with all the children in the class including the trans girl.
The teacher is not concerned with unkindness, but that my daughter is not accepting enough, and she has asked us to reiterate pronouns and that this child is a girl.

This is the first school experience for us, as previously my daughter was at a childminder

It feels very wrong to single out a child, and read books that introduce a concept that we haven’t broached with our children yet.

If the OP is bringing her child up to be inclusive of children's choices of dress and clothing she will have told her child that boys can like dollies and girls can play with trucks.
Not that a boy can't wear a dress and if he does he turns into a girl.

A child in year 1 in my child school had parents claiming trans last year. He was moved, again, presumably to again hide his actual sex, which was fairly obvious, so I don’t doubt the truth of this. As for what’s wrong with the Jazz book, really? It is imperative we DO educate ourselves on this matter, and what was done to Jazz is an excellent starting point. Not in a fairy story propagandised rainbow board book for 5yo, however.

The child doesn't have long hair, that's beside the point anyway.

I really don't know what the teacher has introduced the child as, and that's a really good question for me to ask the teacher.

So becuase the child doesn’t use pronouns the way others do the child is identified as transgender ?

because a child’s normal pronouns are I and me and sexed pronouns only apply when. Talking about someone else ? how exactly does this crop up that the child hears someone else talking about them and sometimes corrects their choice or pronouns ? “I’m not a he . Oh hang on I am a he “

???

Using the wrong pronouns?
Surely she refers to herself as "I" and "me"?

I really don't know.
Felt quite blindsided by the conversation.

There is nothing wrong with a teacher having a word with a parent to ask them to support learning about something a child is struggling to understand. When children need extra support, 1-1 chats with a book is a good strategy.

Maybe the child is struggling to understand because GI is such adult-centered bollocks.

School should absolutely not be doing this - both allowing the trans child or trying to indoctrinate your child.
Your child is asking questions because she is bright and inquisitive and isn't getting truthful/honest answers. She will be getting fobbed off and can see through the nonsense. There is nothing wrong with your DD asking questions and neither you nor she should be made to feel you are in the wrong - you're not.
I would consider taking this further within the school and/or depending on the outcome remove her from the school.
FWIW I have a 9 year old and an 11 year old - there has been 1 conversation recently about trans but that's because it cropped up in a book my son was reading. My son is very bright and inquisitive. I explained the situation - no fobbing off but some people think that you can change sex, which you can't but you can dress in different ways to suit how you feel and want to present yourself to the world, he was happy and didn't need to ask any more questions!

Dont be ridiculous. These are reception children, barely out of toddlerhood. They shouldn't be burdened with all of this.
Children of this dont have the understanding to say they are in the wrong gender.
If they want to play dress up they can do it at home 😬

I meant that the teacher has said the child is still getting used to the new pronouns, so she sometimes corrects the teacher.
I wondered whether hearing that back and forth might be adding to my daughter’s confusion, as she’s trying to understand what she’s hearing.

My point was about her trying to make sense of the language and the situation, not an obsession with anyone’s body.

If she asks the teacher daily it's an obsession. Explain her what it's about and ask her to move on.

I would think there was a safeguarding concern about the other child as parents have allowed this to happen

This is ridiculous. Are we really now having to kowtow to the whims of four year olds?

We had a child in my son’s Year 4 class who decided they didn’t know if they were a boy or a girl. As a result the teacher was no longer allowed to refer to “boys” and “girls” as collective groups. This was in a faith school too.

It blew the mind of my autistic 9 year old who sees things in a very black or white way. It’s a very challenging situation for children and I don’t think that schools should try and force kids to accept things which feel strange to them.

OP you might want to wonder why the other children are not asking questions and only your daughter is.

Because most of them were in the schools kindergarten together.

My daughter and two other children (one that left after the first week) are the only newcomers to the group.

DS went to school nursery aged 3 and was friends with a boy slightly older who moved up to Reception a year before DS.
By the time DS moved up to Reception and saw his friend again, he was now a 'girl' using a female version of his name and wearing pink boots with a dress or skirt.
This absolutely does happen.

There’s nothing wrong with a child asking questions. I only wonder how is it obvious that the trans girl is biologically a little boy? I wonder why it’s been announced at all because at that age a 4 year old boy looks much the same as a 4 year old girl when dressed.

Kindergarten ? We call it nursery in the UK.

Have a meeting with the head. Be very clear - your family belief is that sex is a fixed characteristic and that you expect the school to respect that belief.

You will tell your child to stop bothering the teacher (or the boy), but in turn your child must not be forced to change their language around this boy in normal conversation.

I would also ask which facilities he is using and refer them to 'Keeping children safe in education 2026'

Indeed. There has been a spate of threads like this in recent days.

What you want your child to understand about trans people at this age, or at any age up to 18 is up to you. However the question asking MUST stop. If she wants to ask you about being trans everyday that's fine, but asking the child questions repeatedly or asking the teacher or other adults in the hearing of that child stops NOW.

I have a physical disability. It's mild, but it visibly affects me in some ways and did even more so when I was little. Children asked me or the teacher the odd question why I couldn't do something or why I did something differently to them and I didn't mind, I'd rather that, than them just think I was weird. However, if the same child had asked questions everyday, I would have become self-conscious and embarrassed. I'm not that interesting.

Your child is being singled out because her curiosity is leading her to be a BULLY. That behaviour is not ok. It is not kind to repeatedly express your views that someone is strange or maybe bad even if that is what your feel. Your child is little, she probably doesn't realise the impact she may be having, and that's ok, but she does need to be taught. It seems reasonable that the teacher is trying to explain enough to satisfy her curiosity. If you would rather your child know less, that's ok too, but teach her that she is being rude and needs to stop however you want to, if you don't like how the teacher is doing it.

English isn't my first language, where I come from we call it Kindergarten.

@stichguru Well said.