Teacher upset with my child questioning about trans child

[sarahandsage]

Was Called into school today.
My daughter has just started reception in September, it’s a lovely village school, and she’s made lots of friends and settled in really well.

Yesterday I was called into have chat with her teacher.
Was informed my child has a trans girl in her class, and that my child is questioning the teacher every day about this.
That all the other children accept this child was born in the wrong body, yet my daughter is questioning ‘too much’.

I said we encourage curiosity amongst our children, so am
not surprised.

The teacher then said that my child was taken to one side and read a couple of books :
My name is Jazz
and one about a crayon that feels like a different colour.
Which was astonishing to me, because really singling out a child to (as the teacher said ) “Get her on board”, feels very pushy.

My daughter is very kind, and plays with all the children in the class including the trans girl.
The teacher is not concerned with unkindness, but that my daughter is not accepting enough, and she has asked us to reiterate pronouns and that this child is a girl.

This is the first school experience for us, as previously my daughter was at a childminder

It feels very wrong to single out a child, and read books that introduce a concept that we haven’t broached with our children yet.

Your child is constantly asking questions about the other child. The teacher used the books to give your child the information she's asking for.

You're proud that your daughter is curious, but you don't want her to be given the answers?

I honestly don't know what you're looking for from the teacher. Do you want your child's questions answering, or do you want the teacher to just tell her to be quiet?

Your daughter is five. The teacher can't sit and explain the trans subject like she would to a teen. Also she has twenty or more other children to manage. She used the books, and presumably the SLT and the parents of the trans cooks had decided on the approach that the school would be taking.

And you also need to tell your DC not to be rude. It is none of her business what is in the pants of another child. If it continues, in depth, you could be looking at a safe guarding referral. Unusual levels of sexual interest in a child this young is a red flag for school staff.

The concept of having a trans child is absolutely diabolical and child abuse! If the school is not contacting safeguarding about this child’s parents I think you need to remove your child because they clearly have no concern About any child’s well-being.

A trans child?? This child should be taken off their parents.

It is real, and after a quick search I can see why people are calling it out as fake.
I didn't realise how many threads on this topic there already are.

Whilst I agree that we haven't broached the subject of transgender people, I would not say that means we are a binary viewpoint family, and we definitely aren't monocultural.
It feels bizarre to have something that's a genuine experience dismissed as fabricated, particularly when the assumptions being made about our family go well beyond what I've actually shared. I'm happy to acknowledge that there are things we could have discussed earlier, but I don't think that automatically makes us 'binary viewpointed'

You sound as diabolical as the teacher to be honest with you.

A trans child?? Surely the parents should be investigated for child abuse nothing else.

I don't understand why even anyone needs to know this kid is trans. If the kid is wearing a school uniform that is a dress and has long hair or whatever, presuambly the kid just looks like a slightly boyish girl. What is it that your DD keeps asking about?

If your child is asking questions about this child every day then reading her a book explaining it in terms she might understand seems like a logical solution rather than having to field constant questions. Perhaps she could have read the books to the whole class, but that might be drawing too much attention to the trans girl. Hopefully now they can just get on with being kids.

I'd be a lot more concerned with a child obsessed with another child's genitalia. It can be an indicator of child sexual abuse.

If my child were that invested in it, I'd be doing some pretty intensive damage control at home. Multi ethnic books, TV. Discussion about gay (not using the word) animals. Books with gay marriage and families. Discussion about PRIVATE parts not being up for discussion about other people. Talk to mummy or daddy. Sing the private parts song.

Exactly. Children are accidentally misgendered all the time. Why is this one the focal point?

My daughter isn't asking about the Childs genitals, that's absolutely not what's happening, and I don't know where you are reading this.

i think you should speak to the head. The teacher is being ridiculous.

We’ve had this before - one hilarious time my 6 year old was accused of being racist because of a role play thing he’d done in school which was taken out of context. To make this even more hilarious my son is mixed race, just looks white. Some teachers are just looking for things to be offended by.

What are they asking about then? HOW do they know the difference between the genitalia and the gender presentation?

No 4 year old is trans. Not one. Ever. This little boy is being sorely mistreated. Either way, I can imagine my kids would be asking a lot about this, as they are very keen to understand things and often keep asking when told things that are clearly untrue.

The teacher is out of order. I’d be removing my child if a teacher was reading the Jazz book to them. Absolutely speak to the head - there are DfE guidelines about teaching this tripe to children as fact, and this teacher shouldn’t be attempting to indoctrinate the other kids to collude in this boys abuse.

its very easy to teach your child to be kind and inclusive. We explain some people believe all sorts of things, and they can if they like, we still don’t tease them. We don’t tease belief in god, for example, nor would we be unkind to this child. Inclusion doesn’t mean total acquiescence at all times.

It would be far more harmful to teach your DD her instinctive recognition of sex is either wrong or nasty. It’s an inbuilt self protection instinct and should be nurtured, not squashed.

And if it did happen it's just a storm in a teacup, child has questions about a topic teacher reads them a book to explain it rather than answer each individual question.

Umm did we not all grow up to look at a book and how we educsted ourselves before the internet?
Trans or whatecer difference whats the issue with the book?
A trans kid of 4-5yrs seriously doubt thats for real.
Other people saying to pull her out of the school get a grip.

Interesting first post, op.

The other similar thread is this one, and contains good advice.

School need to really have their paperwork in order to demonstrate why agreeing to present this boy is a girl is his bets interests and the best interests of his classmates. (Hint: it’s not)

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5584848-aibu-to-not-force-dd5-to-use-other-childs-preferred-pronouns?page=1

There is nothing wrong with a teacher having a word with a parent to ask them to support learning about something a child is struggling to understand. When children need extra support, 1-1 chats with a book is a good strategy.

You need to separate what the teacher is doing with your opinion on trans issues. A reception classroom is not the place for the debate about trans children to take place, no matter how valid a discussion it may be. It is more important that a reception classroom is inclusive and accepting, and if a child needs help to do that, then it it is right that parents and teachers communicate.

Sounds like the teacher hasn’t given that context. Reckon @sarahandsage you do need to go back for a more detailed discussion around the whats, whys and wherefores.

Agree school telling your kid what to think is wrong but it could maybe be a learning opportunity to tell her when it’s best to keep one’s thoughts to oneself and let the subject drop.

I personally don’t believe you can change gender AND I have trans friends and use the pronouns they ask and I don’t see a disconnect with that. The former is my personal opinion and if asked, I’ll share it. The latter is just manners if someone asks me to call them they it’s no skin off my nose.

5 feels super young to teach a kid about keeping views to yourself but feels like needs-must

At 4 and it’s possible to tell the child is transgender? as in your child knows the child is a different sex t the one they present as ?

Since physical differences barely exist at that age how does everyone know? 4 year olds are sexed based on name and clothing. You can treat them identically pretty much till puberty

Are you insane?
You can tell the sex by what they look like, how they talk and how they move. No need to know about genitals

You cannot change your sex and the school should not be trying to gaslight your child into thinking that they can

On the offchance this is real
A 4 year old boy with long hair and a dress looks exactly like a 4 year old girl!
How is your daughter even aware of their biological sex? Are you asking us to believe the teacher introduced this child to the class as trans??

She's asking questions about the language mostly, because the trans girl doesn't always use she/her pronouns.
The teacher said that the child is still getting used to them.

My daughter is trying to understand what she’s hearing and what she's being told.
It’s more. about making sense of gender and language, not asking about another child’s genitals, which would be bizarre !

I wonder why or how everyone/ all the children know this is a ‘trans child’. At 4 years old, when wearing school uniform, it is unlikely that the sex of the child will be evident beyond reasonable doubt.

I recommend playing it down to your child and suggest focusing on other things. They are too young to understand the phenomenon of gender identity (aren’t we all!).

A healthy approach is to teach sex differences at age appropriate detail and challenge sex / gender stereotyping. You can tell your child that at this age, when it comes to being class mates, it doesn’t matter if ‘Freddie’ is a girl or boy. As they grow up and their bodies develop differently, sex can be important in some situations, but less so now.

Then move on and gloss over anyone saying otherwise.