Healthiest and Unhealthiest relationships in songs?

[BernardBlacksMolluscs]

As I was cleaning the house this morning I was musing on those songs that come on the radio that you've been singing along with for years where you suddenly actually listen to the lyrics and either think 'well you sound very sensible' or 'intervention. NOW'. Any one got any suggestions? The ones I came up with first were

Healthy - Respect by Aretha Franklin. I know it's a cliche, and the guy she's singing about sounds like borderline not a keeper frankly, but I love the line 'I ain't gonna do you wrong, cause I don't want to'. She's all in, but she's still telling him how she expects to be treated

Red buntingtastic - Never Gonna Give You Up - why wouldn't she get a full commitment from any other guy Rick, you gaslighting bastard?

Anyone else fancy whiling away some weekend time thinking up some examples?

(mumsnet's AI suggested a thread title of 'Songs that sound sensible or alarming once you really hear the lyrics' which I kind of love but decided not to go with!)

I find that Itchycoo park song rather sinister. In it the protagonist is addressing (presumably) a girl whom he is encouraging to play truant from school and come to a park with him and take drugs. I know 1968 is supposed to have been a more innocent time, but this is grooming gang territory!

Well 'Ruby don't take your love to town' and 'Delilah' both attempt to justify femicide so...not healthy, I'd say 😬😬

Oh god yes, the whole genre of men in songs trying to persuade women to do things. I love Lay Lady Lady by Bob Dylan, it's beautiful, but

Why wait any longer for the world to begin?
You can have your cake and eat it too
Why wait any longer for the one you love
When he’s standing in front of you?

1. I presume he means you can have sex and not get pregnant. But if you don't want to have sex, it is not like having or eating your cake
2. why wait any longer? maybe because I'm not ready...

There's too many examples! Lots of 'I know you are going to go on shagging around but you can always shag me cos I love you'. Sung by women (Dusty Springfield had several I think)* , but were they written by women?

*'You don't have to say you love me' and 'Some of your loving' for example.

(I know Dusty was gay but I m not sure she was that lucky in love?)

Joelene (RIP Dolly)

I rather love the relationship in 'I'm so tired' by the Beatles

I'm so tired, I'm feeling so upset
Although I'm so tired, I'll have another cigarette
And curse Sir Walter Raleigh
He was such a stupid git

It's such a clever way of saying she's gone to America.

And then when he rings her up whining she tells him to get over himself

I wonder should I call you?
But I know what you would do
You'd say I'm putting you on

I get a bit angry with that chap who has a wife and kid in Baltimore Jack and goes out for a ride and never came back.

i also worry that Dean Friedman and whoever is singing Lucky Stars with him aren’t going to last much longer with Lisa on the scene.

oh yes. have some self respect woman! (not Dolly obvs, the song narrator)

Aye, I m not sure about 'stand by your man" either tbh. Mumsnet might have been telling you to ltb....

In the Unhealthy colunn may I submit
"I hold your hand in mine" by Tom Lehrer

I hold your hand in mine, dear
I press it to my lips
I take a healthy bite from
Your dainty fingertips

My joy would be complete, dear
If you were only here
But still I keep your hand
As a precious souvenir

The night you died, I cut it off
I really don't know why
For now each time I kiss it
I get bloodstains on my tie

I'm sorry now I killed you
For our love was something fine
Until they come to get me
I shall hold your hand in mine

these two are great examples. what a dick that guy is. If you've got a Hungry Heart get your arse back to your family and do right by them

I've just listened to Lucky Stars, that sounds like a nightmare relationship. You had lunch with your ex girlfriend whose life is a mess but you don't want to talk about it....? erm, OK

If you want the ultimate in unhealthy lyrics, I give you ‘He Hit Me and It Felt Like A Kiss’ by 60s girl group, The Crystals.

He hit me
And it felt like a kiss
He hit me
But it didn't hurt me
He couldn't stand to hear me say
That I'd been with someone new
And when I told him I had been untrue
He hit me
And it felt like a kiss (It felt like a kiss)
He hit me
And I knew he loved me
If he didn't care for me
I could have never made him mad
But he hit me
And I was glad
Yes, he hit me
And it felt like a kiss (It felt like a kiss)
He hit me
And I knew I loved him
And then he took me in his arms
With all the tenderness there is
And when he kissed me
He made me his

woah

this was a new one to me...jesus

Funny you should mention that, OP - I recently heard one of the Beatles' old hits, from 1963, She Loves You [Yeah Yeah Yeah] and I was thinking how nice it was - two teenage lads talking about a girl.

(I think all pop-y pop songs are about teenagers, even if written by OAPs - so Itchycoo Park is OK, he's a teenager too, he has a day off from work, teenagers worked in the 1960s, and he wants his teenage girlfriend to bunk off school, nothing sinister, that's my reading of it)

Back to the Beatles: Lad #1 says that he met up with lad #2's ex, and they had a good talk, and the girl is prepared to give lad #2 another chance, but he has to acknowledge that he behaved badly and hurt her.

Lad #1 tells him that he's lucky to have a girlfriend like that, and to be given a second chance, because she really loves lad #2, and that's not a given, so he really should apologise to her and patch things up, because she loves him yeah yeah yeah..

I think that's a really nice respectful conversation between two lads about a girl.

Better than Smack my Bitch Up, for sure😒

'After all he's just a man'

fucks sake

raise your standards Tammy

Every Breath You Take and Don't Stand So Close To Me both come to mind.

Isn't it awful that it's so easy to think of unhealthy ones and quite hard to find good ones?

Top of the unhealthy list:
Fairytale of New York
Piece of my Heart by Irma Franklin. I love this song but OMG!

On the healthy list:
Lady in Red
Book of Love by Magnetic Fields - actually there's a lot of Magnetic Fields ones that would fit

There are more problematic than good relationships in songs mostly because it's better drama I think.

Tom Odell has a few good ones, Grow Old With Me, Concrete or If You Want To Love Somebody. Also some stalker and other problems like I Know or Another Love.

Hozier has some really sweet, if slightly odd, relationship songs like Work Song or Jackie and Wilson.

When men talk about the subject of love songs like they don't really like the woman at all. From 'Don't you Forget About Me'

Don't you try and pretend
It's my feeling we'll win in the end
(creepy)
I won't harm you or touch your defenses
Vanity, insecurity

look mate, you clearly don't like her. Would you just leave her alone? Just stay alone dancing for heaven's sake

Bloody hell @anewstartin2026 I 'd forgotten that one 😲😲. I know Carole King wrote songs for bands on the Phil Spector label (like the excellent song telling a boyfriend she won't have aex with him because she doesn't want to put a child through the same difficult childhood she had herself with her own single mother, can I remember the name of it? No.) But I ve an awful feeling she wrote that too...and some other shockers I think!

It's much easier to find unhealthy lyrics than healthy ones isn't it? Maybe 'You don't own me" by Lesley Gore, or "My Way"

This was Tom Lehrer, who wrote the Masochism Tango -
feel free to criticise his very occasional
'humorous' references to violence, but c'mon, he wasn't being serious, and most of the time he was very very funny.

I have never come across Magnetic Fields but I loved this when I just listened to it. They're going on my play list.

On a similar note to Lady In Red, Avalon by Roxy Music

Now the party's over
I'm so tired
Then I see you coming
Out of nowhere
Much communication
In a motion

Ahhh, lovely

And dear god yes to Fairy Tale of New York. I actually find it quite upsetting!

Ah I won't hear a word against Tom Lehrer, he was utterly fabulous. Have a look for 'National Brotherhood Week' and (?) 'Christmas time is here by golly'

Yes, co-written by Carole King and, perhaps unsurprisingly, produced by Phil Spector. The song was apparently inspired by King’s babysitter telling them about being abused by her boyfriend - uuurgh.