The Bluestocking Women's Pub, in which we wait excitedly for the next instalment of Gosie's adventures. Gosie, Glass and the Gerbils' Dilemma.

[AsWithGlad]

Previous thread
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5559589-the-bluestocking-womens-pub-in-which-gosie-returns-to-the-trail?page=1

Welcome to The Bluestocking, the best (perhaps only) online women's pub. Nothing in the food or drink can harm you, everything is served by a very enthusiastic crew of gerbils, and any curious menfolk are welcome at the Staunch Ally down the road.

Magpie, when MrPasta said something similar, I threatened to make him watch a video of an emergency C section every time he wanted sex (he'd faced away when I had mine and was still horrified by the little he saw) until he fully understood the difference between my (multiple) surgeries and his snip.

Thank you, Kitty. You can be in charge of the Bluestocking LARPers' Rehabilitation Programme if you like.

Even the difference between a D&C and the snip would be enough! Fortunately my double C-section scar healed well, but it's about 9" long and I have permanent numb spots. Yours sounds horrendous.

Morning all, I was hors combat [no that's not French for 'war horse'😁] for most of yesterday - just the usual flare-ups of the usual things, nothing lasting or dramatic, just KOed for most of the day.

And I've already missed about 150 posts, including a new Gosie episode, so I have a lorra lorra catching up to do!

A quick scan of a few pages has shown that there are worries about a SIL and a Dad who had a bit of a prang with his scooter, so sending to them, and to the Stockingers dealing with it all.

At least the scooter didn't cross the path of Hedgey 'Drive it Like You Stole It - Oh Actually You Did Steal It!' which might have been much worse...

I'll catch up gradually, in the meantime here's the Smile Gerbil to dispense general bonhomie, the Surprise Gerbil to express shock, and Harriet to express sympathy and concern, while I 'drill down' into the detail [as they say!] of what's been going on for everybody.

Horrendous. I'm sorry you went through that.

I was in such a state at the end of it, that I nearly went through a red light. When I got home, I went to bed.

At one point, I heard the footsteps of my husband coming to check on me. The thing is, he'd been dead for about a year by then, so I'm assuming that it was an auditory hallucination brought on by shock.

At one point, I recall saying to the doctor "Would you stick a scalpel up a penis like that?"

There was no reply.

I have numb spots too. No one tells you that's a possibility, do they!

My lower abdomen could really do with a zip, it's been opened that often. Three times for sections, twice for hernia repairs with mesh, once for emergency somewhat disastrous hernia repair resulting in ICU. The first hernia was small and on the right. The current one is a good 5 or 6" across from mid to far left of my lower abdomen (mesh holding the right side closed) and it sporadically tears the muscle apart a little wider.

Unless under a BMI of 30 (not blooming likely) the NHS won't repair it because of the high likelihood of it only opening yet again.

If I'd known any of this was even possible when I was young and child free, I'd have thought a lot longer and harder about having children. I guess it's a good job I lived in ignorance.

We will meet the hamster again.

@EdithStourton - can I add to your list please - specifically the bladder item? Alongside the bladder acting up, we can also get the pelvic floor that has all the strength and elasticity of a wet paper bag, making laughing, coughing, sneezing and standing up risky activities.

I really don't think young women know what childbirth does to a woman's body. My SIL had the pelvis thing and was told another baby might paralyse her (she was 43 I think when she had my nephew), and i hear about tears, which are graded in severity! and even in childbirth without any intervention, bodies do not return to what they were.

This is why the biological imperative is so important - my best friend was happily childfree and then suddenly had a burning desire to have a baby - otherwise if women knew the truth they might never have children. And then where would the human race be?

I totally agree. My younger son was unstable transverse lie (sideways and kept rolling on his long axis). He would have killed both of us without a C-section. Granted it's a very rare presentation but nowhere in my education was mentioned anything about babies not being head down and facing the back. It should be much more appreciated that having babies is risky. Instead there's a conspiracy of silence. I use the word advisedly - my mother explicitly told me not to share my pregnancy and childbirth stories with other women who hadn't had children.

I never had the biological imperative & the closest I get to a maternal instinct is Kitty.

But I still don’t dare do skipping at the gym 😡

My SIL had the pelvis thing

Snap! Symphisis Pubic Dysfunction and crutches with all three. (Yes, I know I was mental to do it three times. It's a good job she's worth it.)

That's probably why gay blokes demanding surrogacy infuriate me - they don't have a goddamn clue, and they don't care either.

My ex-SIL (three c-sections) told me in 1993 there is a club of women who have had children and I was not allowed to join.

She also told me that my then DH was agreeing with me not to have children becuase he didn't want to upset me but he really wanted children. I've thought about that a lot (and he went on to have at least one daughter with my ex best friend with whom he had his third affair, and as far as i know is still married to her). But why would a man who wanted children even marry a woman who was adamant she wouldn't have them? Maybe because he loved her... or maybe my SIL was desperate for me to join the club. 🤔

This is why we need to ban surrogacy. Pregnancy damages women's bodies even without complications.

We don't even take kittens and puppies from their mothers until they are eight weeks old because it is illegal. Yet babies are removed within hours or days.

I made it clear to Mr Stourton that after the joys of the coil (heavy periods, cramps - forgot to include that), it was His Turn.

To be fair, he didn't just wash his hands of it, but he chose condoms, and I've become less and less trusting of their efficacy on their own, the older I get and the more problematic another pregnancy would be.

Between having babies and going through the menopause, we haven't got a chance.

I forgot to mention osteoporosis. I don't have it (as far as I know), but a friend does, and she's only in her early 60s (and has always been fit, slim and very active). Something else that the blokes (mostly) swerve - their risk is much lower than women's.

About their only real sex-related health issues revolve around their prostates.

I don't wish to comment on your marriage as that is not what you are asking, but any man who has seen the mother of his children have two c-sections and then refuses to consider her very reasonable request for permanent contraception on his part, needs a good talking to.

OK I've caught up a bit on the last couple of pages and all I can say is ouch!
and send a whole garden of s to you mothers
[that sounds rude: to be clear, it's 'to you mothers', not 'to you muthas'😁]
including my own late mam - I arrived in a non-standard position, and although it was never discussed, the fact that there were no more after me, I may not have left things the way I found them😦

You’re in our club, @MyrtleLion, and we love you! Your SIL is a moo.

Yes.

Seconded. The Bluestocking is the best club.

The Bluey is an excellent club.

I read all these accounts and I’m wincing in sympathy - and I’ve had three children of my own plus one termination before they were born. Yes, nobody tells you about the long-term effects on your body of even perfectly normal childbirth, as my three were. When I first got together with DH I was 51 and still menstruating regularly (didn’t finish until I was 55). He said sentimentally “If only we could have a child” and I promptly went and had a coil fitted just in case. DH1 had the snip after DC3 was born, unplanned but the best accident I ever had, so I hadn’t had to think about contraception for a long time.

..and we are all excellently clubbable💙