This is why men often get so annoyed by the lack of filters that allows him to find the women he most wants quickly.
Don't ever go into advertising will you Lexible.
Hinge, the dating site that doesn't let you find the woman you want.
MyAmpleSheep ·
12/08/2026 11:41
This post is mostly incoherent and what is not incoherent is irrelevant. The OP is not complaining about the filtering on another site.
If men are failing to filter out matches that don’t meet their preferences by reading them carefully then better filters are the answer, not the issue.
Quoting MyAmpleSheep
Lexibletheflexible ·
12/08/2026 07:09
No it doesn't. You just scroll past or stop engaging with people when you find out they don't meet your criteria. But that takes reading profiles. If you are a man and want just mass like any woman near you, then this seems annoying because you'd have to actually click on several profiles and read what the women had to say about themselves.
Men don't usually read profiles until there has been mutual interest. They just swipe right on every woman that doesn't repulse them by the way they look. When the woman "likes" them back, they may have a quick glance at her profile. Usually they just start asking questions they could have had answered from the profile.
This is why men often get so annoyed by the lack of filters that allows him to find the women he most wants quickly.
I don't if you've ever heard of Fetlife, but on there, you cannot search users by role or sex or gender. You can see people by location and that's it. It gets guys so angry that they can't find all the "dominant women in Essex" or "submissive trans women in Hull". But they don't want people (mostly men) to be able to pull up lists of women and start mass messaging them.
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
MyAmpleSheep ·
11/08/2026 15:59
But you don’t openly share your preferences on a dating site if there’s a filter: that’s the whole point. You don’t need openly to say “I’m looking for men under 40” openly in your profile because by setting a private preference the men over 40 aren’t shown to you.
The inability privately to express the preference not to meet trans-identifying people forces you to express it openly.
If you really want to avoid hurting other people’s feelings, you’d approve of the trans filter.
If you don’t want a trans filter, then it’s just a public purity test that you’re approving.
Edited
Quoting MyAmpleSheep
Lexibletheflexible ·
11/08/2026 15:53
No I don't. I think it's a preference. I don't think our preferences always need to be openly shared. Id never date some types of men. I'd never say what type of men I mean though as it is hurtful and unnecessary.
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
MyAmpleSheep ·
11/08/2026 15:52
Do you think it is inherently transphobic to have a “I do/do’t want to meet trans people” option?
I want to know your opinion.
Quoting BackToLurk
Lexibletheflexible ·
11/08/2026 15:49
It doesnt matter if it is or isnt. If they feel like it is, they'll boycott the site.
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
BackToLurk ·
11/08/2026 15:48
How is correctly noting the sex of users, including transpeople, unwelcoming?
Quoting MyAmpleSheep
Lexibletheflexible ·
11/08/2026 15:46
The point is that if the user base who are largely pro trans feel like it isnt welcoming to trans people by their own merits, they'll boycott the site.
Quoting MyAmpleSheep
MyAmpleSheep ·
11/08/2026 15:42
I’m going to repeat this because it’s another example of the theory that to be welcoming to trans people you must deliberately fail to recognize that they are trans. Again the logical successful outcome of trans people’s requirements not to be identified as trans erases trans people as a group and is the very “genocide” they decry.
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
MyAmpleSheep ·
11/08/2026 15:38
I think many if not most of their paid users will leave if they feel the site is unweocoming to trans people due to the demographics of who uses apps
You engaged a sleight of hand to equivocate the ability to filter by trans status as “unwelcoming to trans people”.
They aren’t the same.
Quoting JustEatThePizza
Lexibletheflexible ·
11/08/2026 15:35
I think many if not most of their paid users will leave if they feel the site is unweocoming to trans people due to the demographics of who uses apps.
They don't care what some middle aged married straight woman thinks as she is not a consumer.
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
JustEatThePizza ·
11/08/2026 15:31
There is no evidence to suggest this.
This is like the "silence equals violence" nonsense.
People using a dating app is not tacit endorsement that trans women are women.
Quoting MyAmpleSheep
Lexibletheflexible ·
11/08/2026 15:23
Because it's core userbase see trans people as their chosen gender and they want to cater to people who will actually use the app
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
MyAmpleSheep ·
11/08/2026 12:04
Given that we agree it doesn’t make sense from a logical incentive point of view, why do you think Hinge doesnt let you filter by trans status?
Quoting MyAmpleSheep
Lexibletheflexible ·
11/08/2026 12:02
I agree with everything you're saying, especially about compatibility. But that's not how the apps operate. Apparently, the apps which are more likely to operate in that way and have strict rules about it are the swinging apps like fabswingers.
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
MyAmpleSheep ·
11/08/2026 11:54
This might all be avoided if there was clear filtering along the lines of I do/don’t want to see profiles of trans-identifying men (or women).
You're going to say people will lie. Some will, but people lie about their age, weight and other filterable attributes too, and we don’t say that makes the filter mechanism invalid or unworthwhile.
A trans identifying person who lies about their status is being reprehensible dishonest and they’re going to have to make it known eventually. For the honest dater there’s no benefit whatsoever to being matched with someone who has a preference not to match with you, and it’s in your interest to give them the opportunity to filter you out.
Quoting MyAmpleSheep
Lexibletheflexible ·
11/08/2026 11:49
Whether or not straight women see trans women/TIMs will depend on whether the trans woman/TIM says they are a man or a woman. Apparently a woman who seeks men in this thread said she sees trans women in her male search so at least some trans women say they are men/male.
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
MyAmpleSheep ·
11/08/2026 11:38
Straight women on a dating site are never going to see or interact with the profiles of the trans-identifying men they (apparently) wish to see included because of #bekind.
It’s only the men with whom those straight women are looking to connect who are disadvantaged, by being shown extra profiles they don’t want to see but can’t filter out.
Quite bizarre.
Quoting BackToLurk
Lexibletheflexible ·
11/08/2026 09:33
From what I see, women who actually use apps are more likely to boycott an app because it doesn't include trans people in a way they deem satisfactory. It's all very well having the support of conservative family groups etc like Giggle did, but those people aren't spending money on said apps (well maybe some of the husbands but that's another story) so they can't actually keep the app in business.
Quoting nutmeg7
BackToLurk ·
11/08/2026 09:07
@Lexibletheflexible has already handily explained other reasons why apps really don’t do it. The technology isn’t there to guarantee compliance and many transgender people apparently believe they have literally changed sex and so will tick the sex they think they are (or lie as most people would characterise it). The ‘this is what users want’ is just bollocks.
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
nutmeg7 ·
11/08/2026 08:49
The site have decided to do what trans activists are happy with because the activists have made the social and business cost of not doing so extremely high. We have seen the aggressive and violent protests that result when women meet to discuss things affecting female people away from trans women.
I am surprised if you have missed the immense social pressure to include trans people as if they were the opposite sex in all circumstances. Even when this is not the solution that most people prefer.
The site doesn’t know what their membership would prefer. They wouldn’t dare ask them in an anonymous survey because most people are attracted to sex primarily, and I would bet my house that a majority would like a filter by sex option.
But if they did this, it would be vicious attacks and piss protests all the way. So it is easier for them to go along with the pretence and encourage sex by deception.
Quoting SingleSexSpacesInSchools
Lexibletheflexible ·
10/08/2026 22:06
That is why i said it is site specific.
The people you are seeing and don't want to see are checking the "woman" box, though, aren't they? So that is why they show up when you want to see women. So again, that is because the site have decided to do what their membership are most happy with.
Find a dating site that is more aligned with what you want or create one since you know so much.
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
SingleSexSpacesInSchools ·
10/08/2026 21:47
You’re literally wrong.
for most criteria on Hinge there is a checkbox you can check if you want to be shown people outside that filter. It’s unchecked by default.
I know a lot more about this industry, algo patterns, app and service design, and undoubtably most things, than you.
Quoting SingleSexSpacesInSchools
Lexibletheflexible ·
10/08/2026 21:38
No, I'm not wrong. The exact mechanism of the filters is site specific but work as prefereces that adjust an algorithm vs total exclusion criteria. The user then personalises their algorithm by interacting with the site.
This is particularly the case on sites where subscription promises to somehow "boost" your profile. It means that you slip through the preferences to appear in more algorithms.
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
SingleSexSpacesInSchools ·
10/08/2026 21:26
It’s not how it works.
you’re wrong.
Quoting SingleSexSpacesInSchools
Lexibletheflexible ·
10/08/2026 20:48
That isnt how it works though.
I didnt answer the question because I dont own a site which lacks the ability to filter by biological sex. I'd personally install that feature if I made an app because I think it's important for long term matches and I'd want people to use the app for more than hook ups.
I'm just telling you how the thing works. I am also certain that if you continue to swipe left on women you don't want to match with, you'll see fewer women like those women and your algorithm will improve to be more like you want.
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
SingleSexSpacesInSchools ·
10/08/2026 20:45
Believe me. I know a lot more about all of this than you do.
its just a filter. You set your criteria. They set theirs. The back end matches people against those criteria, mine and theirs, then it shows me a list of those matches, generally stacked with the more attractive profiles to be served when you first look at the feed.
I notice you didn’t answer anything else I said just now, like why is it ok for me to be able to filter by ethnicity, but not sex?
Quoting SingleSexSpacesInSchools
Lexibletheflexible ·
10/08/2026 20:42
Okay I think you don't understand that many apps use filters not as exclusion criteria but to create an algorithm. You need to look at the specific app to see how it works. Tinder works that way.
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
SingleSexSpacesInSchools ·
10/08/2026 20:27
This whole pretending not to understand is so very tiresome
I’d report a profile that was more than 10 km away from me because that’s what my filter says
I’d report a profile that was out of my age range because that’s what my filter says
I’d report a profile that said non-monogamous because I’m looking for a monogamous relationship and that’s what my filter says
And I’ve report a profile that had different goals around children than the ones I set because that’s what my filter says
I can and have literally filtered on about 30 different things. Why can’t I filter on has or doesn’t have a penis??
Why is that one thing so incredibly special??
Hinge actually allows you to filter by ethnicity, drinks, smokes, height, age, has kids, wants kids, drugs, politics, education level!!!
you could be an ageist racist classist snob who hates children and you are accomodated
but say you don’t want blokes in your feed and you’re a biggot? That’s bollocks. Literally.
Quoting Lovelyview
Lexibletheflexible ·
10/08/2026 20:21
Object how, though? The OP uses the word "report" to say what he did. He didn't just send in a site suggestion from the sounds of it. And that app seem to have a specific rule about reporting people in your search results for being trans.
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
Lovelyview ·
10/08/2026 20:17
He's heterosexual. That's the point. He's looking for a woman to date, not a man who identifies as a woman. It's not just that dating apps won't allow people to list for biological sex. It's that they throw you off if you object. This is a massive problem for lesbians who have to wade through a bunch of rapey men who claim to be lesbians. If the rapey men were thrown off the apps then we'd be getting somewhere.
Quoting Lovelyview
Lexibletheflexible ·
10/08/2026 19:53
I don't get your point. The OP didn't say he wants to omit bisexual women. Homosexual women won't show up for his searches. Heterosexual women will.
The problem is that some of the people listed as women will be trans women. Just like some will be incompatible for other reasons. OP will have to go through his matches and find women he is into to swipe right or whatever. Then he will have to follow up with questions to ensure that person is good match which is just standard. His questions will just also include asking whether they are trans or not if the pictures aren't entirely clear.
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
Lovelyview ·
10/08/2026 19:46
Every human on the planet is either heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. You could make a case for asexual as a fourth option but you probably wouldn't be on a dating app. A person's sex is a core part of sexual attraction. To argue it's not very important because Hinge don't offer it as an option is madness.
Quoting Lovelyview
Lexibletheflexible ·
10/08/2026 19:40
That would depend on how many of that demographic use the site. If they are a minority, then they won't influence business decisions.
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
Lovelyview ·
10/08/2026 19:38
I think quite a few of the site's users would take issue with the idea that their needs are reflected in the site design. Given that you are thrown off for saying you are heterosexual and only want to meet people of the opposite sex or gay/lesbian and only want to meet people of the same sex there probably is an incentive to not kick up a fuss if you want to carry on with online dating.
Quoting Lovelyview
Lexibletheflexible ·
10/08/2026 19:33
Why is it bizarre to say that the sites are designed around the needs and values of the core membership?
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
Lovelyview ·
10/08/2026 19:31
What a bizarre statement. Are you bisexual? They're the only people who would be comfortable with both men and women coming up as options on a dating app.
Quoting Lovelyview
Lexibletheflexible ·
10/08/2026 19:28
Because they usually toggle filters according to the attitudes of their core membership. It's about what they want from the app. Sex is obviously of secondary importance.
Quoting Lexibletheflexible
Lovelyview ·
10/08/2026 19:25
Why have any filters at all then? Someone's sex is a pretty basic category for dating. Why have age categories but not sex categories. You could just reject someone if they look too old or too young for you, no search filter necessary.
Quoting BernardBlacksMolluscs
Lexibletheflexible ·
10/08/2026 18:52
But someone being in your potential matches doesnt mean you have to message them, date them or have sex with them. It just means they turn up in your search when you are looking for available women in the OP's case. It's just a case of scrolling past or swiping left or whatever that app uses.
BernardBlacksMolluscs ·
10/08/2026 18:48
I’m told many men on these apps choose as their profile pictures snaps of themselves holding large fish. Possibly to show what great providers they could be? The whole thing sounds rather awful but I get that if you want to date it’s hard to avoid
however like others I am genuinely agog that there are people on this thread who don’t bat an eyelid at app users specifying the weight of people they want to date, but effectively being unable to specify the sex of those people. It’s so fundamental
I mean you know people can’t change sex, right? You get that if the OP relaxed his strict ‘no dicks’ rule and hooked up with Fred of the chiffon blouse, no birth control would be required? And you know that some people only like to sleep with the same sex, and some with the opposite, and pressuring them to change their preferences is wrong?
the pretendy wide eyed-ness is just so puzzling