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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions
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15
Catiette · 30/07/2026 17:41

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 17:26

Yes you are right, my language was really clumsy here. it was late at night and I was starting to ramble 😅.

I've tried to clarify what I've meant more precisely since.

I think the problem is that people understand 'gender'/ social gender categories/ roles as being reducible in a simple way to 'stereotypes'.
The reasoning then becomes: if someone experiences a gender that does not align with their sex, that must be because they have internalised mistaken stereotypes about what it means to be male or female. From that perspective, the solution is to challenge those stereotypes and change society so they no longer exist.

I wanted to acknowledge that there is a certain logic to the idea that, if we lived in a world without socially meaningful categories of male and female, then the experience of being in the "wrong" one might also disappear.

The difficulty is that this strikes me as utopian. We can and should challenge harmful stereotypes and reduce the extent to which people are constrained by gendered expectations. But I don't think we can eliminate the social significance of the categories themselves. They are not only collections of stereotypes; they are rooted in real biological differences that have social consequences. We can reject the idea that women should do the cooking, for example, but it seems much harder to imagine a society in which being male or female carries no social meaning whatsoever.

Indeed, if anything, current developments appear to be moving in the opposite direction. The EHRC guidance, for example, places renewed emphasis on recognising sex-based categories and organising some aspects of society around them.

Categories of male and female therefore remain socially meaningful. So too does the experience, for a minority of people, of profound distress at being somehow in the 'wrong' one - physically and socially. That is the phenomenon referred to as gender dysphoria.

Edited

so they no longer exist

it seems much harder to imagine a society in which being male or female carries no social meaning whatsoever

I've not seen anyone naive enough to suggest this.

Thinking aloud here, but perhaps a more helpful way of visualising this issue, which is currently being envisioned as two extremes (yours above, and references to problematic stereotypes) - may be a spectrum?

Yes, male and female bodies lead to different social roles. So at one end of the spectrum is the necessary but not sufficient (only women can give birth, but not all women give birth). Amd at the other is the imposition of oppressive and extreme stereotypes.

Where one shades into the other along a complex spectrum that we still don't fully understand - nature and nature etc. - and in any case can only ever be generalised - individuals v. society etc.) will often be subject to debate. This whole discussion is about matters of degree.

And my argument is that there is, currently, an extraordinary and destructive imbalance in this respect, in the societal construction and perception of gender dysphoria and so-called gender identity (indeed, in the very existence of the latter, posters here may argue - most of us are like, Huh? What even is that?!) That imbalance has encouraged reductive stereotyping - I think that's actually hard to argue against (ref. my Barbie > GI Joe post as one example of thousands).

So I think it's understandable that there's real focus on and concern about that in this thread, and to deny its relevance entirely, or to reduce concerns about shades of grey (I point out that even Mrs/Miss/Ms has a problematic history with associated stereotypes - they're often inextricable from your "gendered roles") to the bold above, is perhaps to simplify a more complex issue.

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 18:04

OldCrone · 30/07/2026 17:37

About 80% of children who have gender dysphoria desist post puberty if left alone. And you think we need a more interventionist approach to, I presume, medicate more of these children who would desist if left alone?

Please tell me I've misunderstood your post.

We don't have the evidence to say what proportion of children who have gender dysphoria desist post puberty - the 80% is an outdated and widely challenged statistic. We simply don't have robust evidence from contemporary cohorts to estimate a reliable desistance rate.

We also don't have the evidence to say how many children presenting to gender clinics receive interventions. The numbers of children referred for puberty blockers even before the legal restrictions introduced in 2024 in the UK were absolutely tiny. The majority of these children were being referred to endocrinology relatively late in puberty, meaning many had already experienced a substantial proportion of pubertal development by the time puberty blockers were being considered.
Here is some data from Tavistock and Bell for GIDS.

161 children referred for puberty blockers in 2019/20:

  • 10–11 years: 3
  • 12 years: 13
  • 13 years: 10
  • 14 years: 24
  • 15 years: 45
  • 16 years: 51
  • 17–18 years: 15

2,728 children were referred into the service the same year.

A recent GIDS/ endocrine audit found that over a 13 year period (2008-21), 1151 children were referred for cross sex hormones, that's roughly 89 per year. 166 were close to but under 16 at referral and 701 were 16 years or older.

So even if your statistic was correct - 20% persist - we are not offering medical interventions to this 20%, let alone the proposed 80% who desist.

Seethlaw · 30/07/2026 18:07

@Sunnibee

What makes the condition gender dysphoria is whether the distress derives from feeling like one is in the wrong sex category.

So someone can hate the shape of their genitals for many reasons - that doesn’t mean they have gender dysphoria.

Well, yes, but I was speaking from within the gender dysphoria context already.

OldCrone · 30/07/2026 18:16

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 18:04

We don't have the evidence to say what proportion of children who have gender dysphoria desist post puberty - the 80% is an outdated and widely challenged statistic. We simply don't have robust evidence from contemporary cohorts to estimate a reliable desistance rate.

We also don't have the evidence to say how many children presenting to gender clinics receive interventions. The numbers of children referred for puberty blockers even before the legal restrictions introduced in 2024 in the UK were absolutely tiny. The majority of these children were being referred to endocrinology relatively late in puberty, meaning many had already experienced a substantial proportion of pubertal development by the time puberty blockers were being considered.
Here is some data from Tavistock and Bell for GIDS.

161 children referred for puberty blockers in 2019/20:

  • 10–11 years: 3
  • 12 years: 13
  • 13 years: 10
  • 14 years: 24
  • 15 years: 45
  • 16 years: 51
  • 17–18 years: 15

2,728 children were referred into the service the same year.

A recent GIDS/ endocrine audit found that over a 13 year period (2008-21), 1151 children were referred for cross sex hormones, that's roughly 89 per year. 166 were close to but under 16 at referral and 701 were 16 years or older.

So even if your statistic was correct - 20% persist - we are not offering medical interventions to this 20%, let alone the proposed 80% who desist.

Edited

the 80% is an outdated and widely challenged statistic

Do you have a source for this?

So even if your statistic was correct - 20% persist - we are not offering medical interventions to this 20%, let alone the proposed 80% who desist.

How do we know which ones will desist and which ones won't? Do you have a crystal ball?

50 years ago, transsexual children were unheard of. Given that the majority of children diagnosed with gender dysphoria are now female, where are the thousands of late-transitioning women who would have transitioned 30, 40 or 50 years ago, but didn't have the opportunity?

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 18:19

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 18:04

We don't have the evidence to say what proportion of children who have gender dysphoria desist post puberty - the 80% is an outdated and widely challenged statistic. We simply don't have robust evidence from contemporary cohorts to estimate a reliable desistance rate.

We also don't have the evidence to say how many children presenting to gender clinics receive interventions. The numbers of children referred for puberty blockers even before the legal restrictions introduced in 2024 in the UK were absolutely tiny. The majority of these children were being referred to endocrinology relatively late in puberty, meaning many had already experienced a substantial proportion of pubertal development by the time puberty blockers were being considered.
Here is some data from Tavistock and Bell for GIDS.

161 children referred for puberty blockers in 2019/20:

  • 10–11 years: 3
  • 12 years: 13
  • 13 years: 10
  • 14 years: 24
  • 15 years: 45
  • 16 years: 51
  • 17–18 years: 15

2,728 children were referred into the service the same year.

A recent GIDS/ endocrine audit found that over a 13 year period (2008-21), 1151 children were referred for cross sex hormones, that's roughly 89 per year. 166 were close to but under 16 at referral and 701 were 16 years or older.

So even if your statistic was correct - 20% persist - we are not offering medical interventions to this 20%, let alone the proposed 80% who desist.

Edited

Note also that the proportions of these children who are over 16. Other things children can do at 16:

  • consent to their own medical treatment if they meet Gillick-Fraser competence (including surgery, sexual health services, abortion, medication and others)
  • Get married in Scotland (and in England and Wales before 2023)
  • leave school and enter employment
  • consent to adoption-related decisions;
  • join the armed forces;
  • open financial accounts and enter legal agreements.
BonfireLady · 30/07/2026 18:20

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 16:39

The point isn't that one approach is "easier"; it's that it's something we currently know how to do within the framework of current scientific knowledge and technologies
.
The real question is how best to help someone suffering from gender dysphoria. Physical interventions carry risks, but so does leaving persistent gender dysphoria untreated and allowing someone to live with ongoing distress. Those risks have to be weighed against one another.

Psychological support is important and should be available. The difficulty is that we don't currently have a psychological or cognitive therapy that has been shown to reliably resolve gender dysphoria itself. For some people it does lessen or resolve over time, but for others it persists despite psychological support. That's why the question of treatment is more complex than simply saying people should learn to accept their bodies.

Psychological support is important and should be available. The difficulty is that we don't currently have a psychological or cognitive therapy that has been shown to reliably resolve gender dysphoria itself.

We do if we look beyond the dysphoria.

Similar to Dr House (Hugh Laurie's grumpy character) the simplest route to do this is to look at the symptoms and wider context, then identify and treat the most likely diagnosis. A differential diagnosis approach. House got it wrong sometimes and then moved on to the next most obvious root cause for the symptoms. Where it was unclear which was the most likely, he tried the least risky treatment first (but most of the time the show needed drama, so most of the time he was already sure his first approach was right - we can ignore that as we don't need TV drama here).

Let's take a 13 year old girl with autism, who has been bullied for being different.

Symptoms and presenting facts:

  • feel upset about breasts growing. Hates how it feels having them there.
  • hate periods.
  • feels she doesn't have friends and doesn't fit in. Talks about feeling lonely
  • doesn't feel like the rest of the girls. Not into make-up or boys
  • has always hated long hair and fussy clothes because they feel uncomfortable
  • has autism

First diagnosis:

Autism-related puberty distress.

Treatment:

  • sports bras to hold down breasts
  • mini-pill to stop periods from happening
  • talking therapy to unpick feelings of loneliness, what it means to feel you don't fit in and potential trauma of being bullied
  • careful listening to understand what she means by not feeling like the other girls. Careful exploration about all the different things that girls can do, including having short hair and wearing whatever clothes they feel comfortable in
  • cognitive language assessment and skills building to understand perception of stereotypes and what it means to "be" a girl. Many/most autistic children have Speech and Language Therapy to support how they process information, so this fits into that standard approach

And then..... see if the dysphoria eases over time. It's not going to be a quick fix but it's a way to meet a very distressed child exactly where they are, recognise and validate the distress and take careful steps to address it. All without thinking about gender identity at all.

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 18:29

OldCrone · 30/07/2026 18:16

the 80% is an outdated and widely challenged statistic

Do you have a source for this?

So even if your statistic was correct - 20% persist - we are not offering medical interventions to this 20%, let alone the proposed 80% who desist.

How do we know which ones will desist and which ones won't? Do you have a crystal ball?

50 years ago, transsexual children were unheard of. Given that the majority of children diagnosed with gender dysphoria are now female, where are the thousands of late-transitioning women who would have transitioned 30, 40 or 50 years ago, but didn't have the opportunity?

The Cass review itself acknowledges the limitations.

Also see
Steensma, T. D., McGuire, J. K., Kreukels, B. P. C., Beekman, A. J., & Cohen-Kettenis, P. T. (2013). Factors Associated With Desistence and Persistence of Childhood Gender Dysphoria: A Quantitative Follow-Up Study. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 52(6), 582–590.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2013.03.016

Temple Newhook, J., Pyne, J., Winters, K., Feder, S., Holmes, C., Tosh, J., Sinnott, M.-L., Jamieson, A., & Pickett, S. (2018). A critical commentary on follow-up studies and “desistance” theories about transgender and gender-nonconforming children. International Journal of Transgenderism, 19(2), 212–224.
https://doi.org/10.1080/15532739.2018.1456390

Defining Desistance: Exploring Desistance in Transgender and Gender Expansive Youth Through Systematic Literature Review (2023)
Chen, D., Berona, J., Chan, Y.-M., Ehrensaft, D., Garofalo, R., Hidalgo, M. A., Johnson, L. L., Olson, J., & Rosenthal, S. M. (2023).
Defining Desistance: Exploring Desistance in Transgender and Gender Expansive Youth Through Systematic Literature Review.
Transgender Health, 8(3), 205–213.
https://doi.org/10.1089/trgh.2021.0096

Seethlaw · 30/07/2026 18:31

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 16:24

That ‘thinking’ they are in the other category is a real experience. It’s not a choice, or something they have active control over.

In terms of whether it is appropriately characterised as a delusion - that’s a really complex and contested question, philosophically and scientifically. It raises really interesting and unanswerable questions about both sex development, and cognition, and how the brain processes and represents information about the body.

The way to fix this is to find out why there is this mind-body disconnect and help them to find a way forward from there.

I agree with you here. The medical questions are why and how to resolve. If we can’t resolve the disconnect, and it is causing acute distress, one simple way of thinking about it is - do we change the body to better align with the mind - or change the mind to align with the body?

It seems many users on this thread are assuming it has to be the latter. But changing the cognitive and psychological aspects of the mind is actually much harder and more complex than administering hormonal therapies, for example. We know how to induce hormonal changes very well - this can be done through administering medications. When it comes to aspects of how the brain/ cognition work/ mental processes work - we are so much more in the dark.

Edited

If we can’t resolve the disconnect,

Thing is: we're not even trying. I literally don't know of anywhere in the world where a talking therapy is under trial to resolve that disconnect. I don't know of a single mental health professional in my country who is specialised in helping trans people deal with that disconnect.

We're not trying.

Worse: in many countries, it's considered "conversion therapy" and thus abusive to the trans patient.

So of course we can't resolve the disconnect: we're not trying to!

OldCrone · 30/07/2026 18:31

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 18:29

The Cass review itself acknowledges the limitations.

Also see
Steensma, T. D., McGuire, J. K., Kreukels, B. P. C., Beekman, A. J., & Cohen-Kettenis, P. T. (2013). Factors Associated With Desistence and Persistence of Childhood Gender Dysphoria: A Quantitative Follow-Up Study. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 52(6), 582–590.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2013.03.016

Temple Newhook, J., Pyne, J., Winters, K., Feder, S., Holmes, C., Tosh, J., Sinnott, M.-L., Jamieson, A., & Pickett, S. (2018). A critical commentary on follow-up studies and “desistance” theories about transgender and gender-nonconforming children. International Journal of Transgenderism, 19(2), 212–224.
https://doi.org/10.1080/15532739.2018.1456390

Defining Desistance: Exploring Desistance in Transgender and Gender Expansive Youth Through Systematic Literature Review (2023)
Chen, D., Berona, J., Chan, Y.-M., Ehrensaft, D., Garofalo, R., Hidalgo, M. A., Johnson, L. L., Olson, J., & Rosenthal, S. M. (2023).
Defining Desistance: Exploring Desistance in Transgender and Gender Expansive Youth Through Systematic Literature Review.
Transgender Health, 8(3), 205–213.
https://doi.org/10.1089/trgh.2021.0096

Can you answer my questions?

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 18:32

BonfireLady · 30/07/2026 18:20

Psychological support is important and should be available. The difficulty is that we don't currently have a psychological or cognitive therapy that has been shown to reliably resolve gender dysphoria itself.

We do if we look beyond the dysphoria.

Similar to Dr House (Hugh Laurie's grumpy character) the simplest route to do this is to look at the symptoms and wider context, then identify and treat the most likely diagnosis. A differential diagnosis approach. House got it wrong sometimes and then moved on to the next most obvious root cause for the symptoms. Where it was unclear which was the most likely, he tried the least risky treatment first (but most of the time the show needed drama, so most of the time he was already sure his first approach was right - we can ignore that as we don't need TV drama here).

Let's take a 13 year old girl with autism, who has been bullied for being different.

Symptoms and presenting facts:

  • feel upset about breasts growing. Hates how it feels having them there.
  • hate periods.
  • feels she doesn't have friends and doesn't fit in. Talks about feeling lonely
  • doesn't feel like the rest of the girls. Not into make-up or boys
  • has always hated long hair and fussy clothes because they feel uncomfortable
  • has autism

First diagnosis:

Autism-related puberty distress.

Treatment:

  • sports bras to hold down breasts
  • mini-pill to stop periods from happening
  • talking therapy to unpick feelings of loneliness, what it means to feel you don't fit in and potential trauma of being bullied
  • careful listening to understand what she means by not feeling like the other girls. Careful exploration about all the different things that girls can do, including having short hair and wearing whatever clothes they feel comfortable in
  • cognitive language assessment and skills building to understand perception of stereotypes and what it means to "be" a girl. Many/most autistic children have Speech and Language Therapy to support how they process information, so this fits into that standard approach

And then..... see if the dysphoria eases over time. It's not going to be a quick fix but it's a way to meet a very distressed child exactly where they are, recognise and validate the distress and take careful steps to address it. All without thinking about gender identity at all.

That is one possible pathway, but it is important to recognise that a "wait and see" approach is not risk-free or a neutral option. For some young people, waiting may provide valuable time to explore their feelings; for others, delaying any form of intervention while distress persists can have significant consequences.

Persistent gender dysphoria can be associated with substantial distress, and adolescence is a time when irreversible physical changes occur. The question is therefore not simply whether we can wait, but whether the potential benefits of waiting outweigh the potential harms for a particular young person.

A careful approach should involve recognising and validating distress, exploring all possible contributing factors, and considering the risks and benefits of different pathways rather than assuming that delay is inherently the safest option.

Seethlaw · 30/07/2026 18:45

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 16:59

In terms of not answer my question, it doesn't especially matter but it was just that when I looked at your list, the 'benefit' - "likes their body a little better - maybe" seemed so trivial compared to the harms you listed (even just those applying to adults). Even if you goals for treatment are personally realistic and achievable, these same harms remain, so I was thinking that surely there must have been something that wasn't coming across in the 'benefits' pile, that goes beyond 'likes body a little better, maybe'?

In terms of expectations, I think you're right that some trans people may have unrealistic expectations of what medical interventions can achieve. However, I think there's a tension in your argument.

On the one hand, you argue that expectations of being able to "pass" are often unrealistic. But that is, at least in part, a consequence of having undergone endogenous puberty - especially those going through male puberty who wish to pass as female. One of the principal arguments for offering puberty blockers or other early interventions is precisely that they may reduce the development of secondary sex characteristics that can later make those goals much harder to achieve.

So if the argument is that treatment should be denied because the outcomes are unlikely to meet patients' expectations, it's worth recognising that those poorer outcomes may themselves result from delaying treatment until after puberty. That creates a circular line of reasoning: delaying treatment contributes to the very limitations then cited as a reason not to provide it.

surely there must have been something that wasn't coming across in the 'benefits' pile, that goes beyond 'likes body a little better, maybe'?

True. In fact, "liking my body a little better" is my second benefit, not the main one. The main one is that I no longer feel the weight of the impression that I'm lying to people by presenting as female. Since I see myself inside as male, it felt wrong to present as female, like I wasn't telling the truth to people. Now I present as a woman who presents as male, which is my full truth, so that aspect is gone.

On the one hand, you argue that expectations of being able to "pass" are often unrealistic

Oh but I wasn't talking only about expectations of passing! I meant also, for example:

  • the expectation that everyone in your family or friend circle will eventually be okay with your transition;
  • the expectation that once you reach passing stage, you will never again wonder if you're truly passing or if people are only pretending to humour you;
  • the expectation that you will have a normal dating life;
  • the expectation that you can avoid every situation where your birth sex would be relevant;
  • the expectation that the medical treatments and their side-effects will be easy to handle;
  • in general, the expectation that gender dysphoria will be a thing of the past;
And so on. Far too many trans people I listen to are way too unreasonable about what life after transition should be or is going to be. And children are even worse at properly measuring and understanding what their future adult life might be like, even more so when they are being fed lies about how idyllic it will be.
Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 18:47

Seethlaw · 30/07/2026 18:31

If we can’t resolve the disconnect,

Thing is: we're not even trying. I literally don't know of anywhere in the world where a talking therapy is under trial to resolve that disconnect. I don't know of a single mental health professional in my country who is specialised in helping trans people deal with that disconnect.

We're not trying.

Worse: in many countries, it's considered "conversion therapy" and thus abusive to the trans patient.

So of course we can't resolve the disconnect: we're not trying to!

I would disagree that we are not trying. The main intervention GIDS offered to the vast majority of children referred to the service was psychotherapeutic exploration.
Now with the dissolution of GIDS services are more uncertain, but the proposals are to scale up mental health interventions even more, and restrict access to physical ones.
In terms of a trial of psychological interventions - it's a interesting question. There actually have been studies that have explored whether psychological interventions can improve wellbeing, but the evidence is limited and we do need more. In terms of a trial that looked at whether therapy could 'cure' gender dysphoria in the absence of any other intervention, I think that would give rise to some significant ethical challenges. But more studies exploring whether psychological interventions , and what types, can help improve wellbeing as part of a service seems really important.

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 18:50

Seethlaw · 30/07/2026 18:45

surely there must have been something that wasn't coming across in the 'benefits' pile, that goes beyond 'likes body a little better, maybe'?

True. In fact, "liking my body a little better" is my second benefit, not the main one. The main one is that I no longer feel the weight of the impression that I'm lying to people by presenting as female. Since I see myself inside as male, it felt wrong to present as female, like I wasn't telling the truth to people. Now I present as a woman who presents as male, which is my full truth, so that aspect is gone.

On the one hand, you argue that expectations of being able to "pass" are often unrealistic

Oh but I wasn't talking only about expectations of passing! I meant also, for example:

  • the expectation that everyone in your family or friend circle will eventually be okay with your transition;
  • the expectation that once you reach passing stage, you will never again wonder if you're truly passing or if people are only pretending to humour you;
  • the expectation that you will have a normal dating life;
  • the expectation that you can avoid every situation where your birth sex would be relevant;
  • the expectation that the medical treatments and their side-effects will be easy to handle;
  • in general, the expectation that gender dysphoria will be a thing of the past;
And so on. Far too many trans people I listen to are way too unreasonable about what life after transition should be or is going to be. And children are even worse at properly measuring and understanding what their future adult life might be like, even more so when they are being fed lies about how idyllic it will be.

thanks that's really informative.

AimsAndObjectives · 30/07/2026 18:54

@Sunnibee 80% is an outdated and widely challenged statistic

You can't just keep saying this sort of thing for evidence that you don't like. The medical profession, encouraged by activists, have squandered the last few decades, when they could have trialled a variety of non-affirming psychotherapeutic approaches and collected decades-worth of longitudinal data following up children well into adulthood.

OldCrone · 30/07/2026 18:54

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 16:10

A person who doesn't like the shape of their genitals should not be treated the same as a person who feels they can't do something because it's considered to be something only the opposite sex does. They shouldn't get the exact same diagnosis, and certainly not the same treatment.

What makes the condition gender dysphoria is whether the distress derives from feeling like one is in the wrong sex category.

So someone can hate the shape of their genitals for many reasons - that doesn’t mean they have gender dysphoria. Likewise, I used to be furious that, as a girl, I was expected to take sewing classes instead of playing rugby at school. That didn’t mean I was suffering from gender dysphoria, I was just an active kid and I found sewing really boring.

If someone hates their penis because they have a persistent , unshakeable sense that they are female/ a woman despite having been born with male physical characteristics - that is gender dysphoria. What causes the distress is not the shape of the genitals themselves, it’s the reminder that they are somehow in the wrong sex category. In exactly the same way, if someone has gender dysphoria, addressing them as ‘he’ or ‘Dave’, or insisting that they play football with the boys, might cause them distress. It’s not that they don’t like the name Dave or that they don’t enjoy playing football, it’s the reminder that they are somehow in the wrong sex category.

That is what gender dysphoria is.

Edited

So if I've understood this correctly, 'Dave' is a boy who likes playing football, is totally happy about having a penis, but thinks he's in the wrong sex category because he wants to change with the girls and play on the girls' football team. This is gender dysphoria?

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 19:00

OldCrone · 30/07/2026 18:54

So if I've understood this correctly, 'Dave' is a boy who likes playing football, is totally happy about having a penis, but thinks he's in the wrong sex category because he wants to change with the girls and play on the girls' football team. This is gender dysphoria?

No I think you misunderstood the post and it's context. :)

I was explaining that for a person who has gender dysphoria aspects of their body can be upsetting as well as aspects of social interactions. What is upsetting is not the look of the body/ social interaction itself, but what the body part/ social interaction signifies in terms of the reminder to the person that they are somehow in the wrong sex category.

OldCrone · 30/07/2026 19:04

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 19:00

No I think you misunderstood the post and it's context. :)

I was explaining that for a person who has gender dysphoria aspects of their body can be upsetting as well as aspects of social interactions. What is upsetting is not the look of the body/ social interaction itself, but what the body part/ social interaction signifies in terms of the reminder to the person that they are somehow in the wrong sex category.

they are somehow in the wrong sex category

Somehow? In what way do they think they are in the wrong sex category?

FlirtsWithRhinos · 30/07/2026 19:14

Still finding the argument that if someone's sense of reality is deeply distorted and that causes them distress, the right thing to do is to try to move reality as close as possible to their delusion and who care what consequences that creates for wider society very weird.

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 19:15

OldCrone · 30/07/2026 19:04

they are somehow in the wrong sex category

Somehow? In what way do they think they are in the wrong sex category?

I think we are going round in circles at this point :).

I think a lot of the challenge is that is incredibly hard to imagine the experience of gender dysphoria/ incongruence if you don't have it, even harder to explain, make sense of it.
I shared that blog earlier which contained some descriptions of the way it feels.

A pp on this thread just described his experience a couple of posts above
"The main one is that I no longer feel the weight of the impression that I'm lying to people by presenting as female. Since I see myself inside as male, it felt wrong to present as female, like I wasn't telling the truth to people"

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 19:19

Seethlaw · 30/07/2026 18:45

surely there must have been something that wasn't coming across in the 'benefits' pile, that goes beyond 'likes body a little better, maybe'?

True. In fact, "liking my body a little better" is my second benefit, not the main one. The main one is that I no longer feel the weight of the impression that I'm lying to people by presenting as female. Since I see myself inside as male, it felt wrong to present as female, like I wasn't telling the truth to people. Now I present as a woman who presents as male, which is my full truth, so that aspect is gone.

On the one hand, you argue that expectations of being able to "pass" are often unrealistic

Oh but I wasn't talking only about expectations of passing! I meant also, for example:

  • the expectation that everyone in your family or friend circle will eventually be okay with your transition;
  • the expectation that once you reach passing stage, you will never again wonder if you're truly passing or if people are only pretending to humour you;
  • the expectation that you will have a normal dating life;
  • the expectation that you can avoid every situation where your birth sex would be relevant;
  • the expectation that the medical treatments and their side-effects will be easy to handle;
  • in general, the expectation that gender dysphoria will be a thing of the past;
And so on. Far too many trans people I listen to are way too unreasonable about what life after transition should be or is going to be. And children are even worse at properly measuring and understanding what their future adult life might be like, even more so when they are being fed lies about how idyllic it will be.

What's so interesting to me about @Seethlaw 's description of his experience is that GC posters so often accuse trans people of "lying" by presenting / claiming to be the opposite sex. But from a trans persons perspective, what feels like lying to people is presenting as their birth sex.

I think this highlights what a difficult situation trans people can be in when they live in a society that doesn't understand , recognise ir accept gender incongruence.

thirdfiddle · 30/07/2026 19:29

I think a lot of the challenge is that is incredibly hard to imagine the experience of gender dysphoria/ incongruence if you don't have it, even harder to explain, make sense of it.

I think a lot of the challenge is that it is incredibly hard to imagine the experience of being female if you're male. It's impossible to explain, the only way to experience it is to be born and grow up with a female body. It's impossible to explain how offensive it is for male people to say their experience of having a male body and looking on female bodies with envy makes them remotely the same as our experience of having a female body in and at various stages cursing it (at least once a month from 15-ish to 50-ish for a start).

I think actually many women here have a pretty good idea what it feels like to wish you were a boy and feel desperately constrained and alienated by the roles being pushed on us as girls. Of dreading then hating growing boobs and getting periods and feeling like our bodies had gone all wrong. Of feeling like we'd never fit in. Of other girls feel like an alien species.

That was us as teens. That's part of the reason we're so disturbed at girls like we were being told that yes this means they're boys. And being encouraged to damage their perfectly healthy bodies for life in service to this idea.

AimsAndObjectives · 30/07/2026 19:39

@Sunnibee I think a lot of the challenge is that is incredibly hard to imagine the experience of gender dysphoria/ incongruence if you don't have it, even harder to explain, make sense of it.

I think most of us can see that some trans-identified people are feeling something that causes them distress. What we cannot accept is that this 'something' means that trans-identified men really are female or that it gives them the right to claim the label of 'woman' for themselves.

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 19:41

thirdfiddle · 30/07/2026 19:29

I think a lot of the challenge is that is incredibly hard to imagine the experience of gender dysphoria/ incongruence if you don't have it, even harder to explain, make sense of it.

I think a lot of the challenge is that it is incredibly hard to imagine the experience of being female if you're male. It's impossible to explain, the only way to experience it is to be born and grow up with a female body. It's impossible to explain how offensive it is for male people to say their experience of having a male body and looking on female bodies with envy makes them remotely the same as our experience of having a female body in and at various stages cursing it (at least once a month from 15-ish to 50-ish for a start).

I think actually many women here have a pretty good idea what it feels like to wish you were a boy and feel desperately constrained and alienated by the roles being pushed on us as girls. Of dreading then hating growing boobs and getting periods and feeling like our bodies had gone all wrong. Of feeling like we'd never fit in. Of other girls feel like an alien species.

That was us as teens. That's part of the reason we're so disturbed at girls like we were being told that yes this means they're boys. And being encouraged to damage their perfectly healthy bodies for life in service to this idea.

I think the problem here is that you are interpreting this conversation through the lens of your own experience, when it is not actually a statement about your experience of being female. It's this projection that gives rise to the offence. A person can experience gender dysphoria without making a claim about what it means to be a woman, or suggesting that their feelings about their body are identical to the experiences many women have had with puberty, sexism or gender expectations.

I also think there is an important distinction between recognising that many young women experience distress, discomfort or alienation during puberty, and assuming that all experiences of body discomfort have the same cause or meaning.

Many girls and women can relate to feeling uncomfortable with the changes of puberty, struggling with gender expectations, or feeling alienated from stereotypically feminine roles. I certainly can. Those experiences are real and deserve support. But the existence of those experiences does not mean that every young person experiencing gender dysphoria is simply expressing the same thing.

The challenge in healthcare is not to assume one explanation for everyone, but to understand each individual's experience: what is causing their distress, how persistent it is, what support they need, and what interventions are most likely to improve their wellbeing.

Recognising that some young people experience gender-related distress does not require dismissing the very real struggles many girls have with puberty, sexism or expectations placed on them. Both things can be true.

thirdfiddle · 30/07/2026 19:42

Also think people underestimate the capacity of the human brain for being consistently, persistently and with massive conviction wrong about things. Brains run on pathways. The more a pathway is reinforced, the stronger it becomes. Truth value of the pathway is pretty immaterial.

Seethlaw · 30/07/2026 19:47

Sunnibee · 30/07/2026 19:19

What's so interesting to me about @Seethlaw 's description of his experience is that GC posters so often accuse trans people of "lying" by presenting / claiming to be the opposite sex. But from a trans persons perspective, what feels like lying to people is presenting as their birth sex.

I think this highlights what a difficult situation trans people can be in when they live in a society that doesn't understand , recognise ir accept gender incongruence.

Edited

Thing is, though, this is not how so many other trans people and TRAs present the trans experience.

They don't say, "I need to present as a wo/man," they say, "I am a wo/man," which is a completely different proposition, one that is both impossible (no, we can't be the opposite sex) and offensive (on what basis do we assume that we know what being the other sex is like?)

They also don't satisfy themselves with presenting their truth by presenting as the other sex; they demand/expect that people affirm them 24/7.

In fact, that's one reason I think there should be urgent research into a psychotherapy for gender dysphoria: because I think a lot of trans people would be happier if they didn't let themselves be convinced by TRAs that they need to believe they are the other sex, or that they are mistreated every time someone misgenders them, or that they need to reach for as complete a transition as possible. I think they'd be a lot happier if they received psychological support to give them the necessary space to decide how far they want to take their transition, and what goals they want to reach.