Examples needed please

[FellOutTheLoft]

Hello, I am looking for examples of everyday sexism and misogyny of a, so called, low level. So I’m not talking about sexual assaults or harassment or catcalling but the kinds of things that highlight ingrained discriminatory attitudes towards women from men or women. The purpose is for a hearing I have to attend soon in which I wish to illustrate what day to day life is really like for women in the UK. TIA.

DS’s school ringing me when DS needed to be taken to A&E. DH is first on the list as he works much closer.

I asked if they’d called DH. They said “no, we thought you’d like to know as soon as possible as his mum”. But for a child who needs a&e, stop arsing about ringing the parent who works an hour away, and get onto the one who works 15 mins away.

I'm on a ship with nearly 100% British passengers that sails only from British ports, for context. Yesterday an invitation to a wine tasting was slipped under the door.

It reads

"Mr and Mrs Husband'sFirstName Surname."

I went and told them that in the 21st century it was not appropriate to refer to a woman using her husband's first name. I do not share a male first name with my husband, I am not an appendage of his in this marriage, I am a separate person with a name of my own.

I have Resting Hacked-Off Feminist face, so it's not that.

That's appalling.

There's a huge amount of built-in sexism (and racism) in tech. Their testing and training data for everything from voice recognition to automatic taps is mainly Californian men, so any automatic system struggles with someone outside that range. But interruption rules must have been deliberately coded.

Birth certificates!! The father's name comes first. It's simply ridiculous. Except for foundlings (a rare tragedy), every baby has a known and incontrovertible mother. It came out of her ffs. 'Father' is a presumption (I.e. can turn out not to be), and is sometimes unknown. Once you think about it, a birth certificate assigning a child first to its father even if unknown, with the mother being the second party, is extraordinary. The epitome of the enduring patriarchy.

Attending a meeting where I was the only woman present and it was assumed I would make and serve the coffee for everyone.
I was representing the R&D department of my university hospital. The meeting was being held a different venue.
(I produced a piece of paper and a pencil and suggested they pass it round the room, write down their name and choice and ask the host to pass it to the caterers).

Is this uk? Under UK law, your company cannot legally stop you from discussing your salary if the discussion aims to find out if there is unlawful pay discrimination (e.g.related to sex or race). Any "pay secrecy" clauses in your employment contract are unenforceable for this reason

Being told how lucky I am DP can cook. No one has ever once told him he's so lucky I can cook.

Older relatives referring to DP looking after the kids as babysitting. No, he's fucking parenting, you dolts. Like I do while he works away 3 days a week.

@Lexibletheflexible - it's not that. I've worked in school offices and I've seen some members of staff ring the mother even when the father was the first point of contact. It's so ingrained in some people.

Minor sexism - everyone referring to all animals as 'he' when they don't know the sex. It's literally 50/50 in most cases and almost all female in others (bees, stick insects, some spiders).

The amount of parents’ evenings where the (usually male) teacher looked at and talked to my husband 98% of the time.

My mother used to complain of this 30 years before. Hardly changed in that time.

Well I've never had any issue putting dad as first point of contact on specific days with one kid and me on the others, then now, grandmother for all kids.

Indeed. I often resort to using the 'two scotsmen in a voice activated lift' clip to explain why no thank you I'm not going to be relying on voice activated stuff anywhere in my life if I can help it.

Scheduling (and kit) priorties in my DDs sport.
Mens First team
Mens Second Team
Colts (Boys U18)
Veterans/Mens Thirds
Boys U16
Women
Boys U15/14
Girls U18/U16
Boys U13/U12
Mixed (mostly boys) U11/U10
Girls U14/U12
Minis (mixed, mostly boys).

I was with my female friend and neighbour when we met the man from round the corner. He told my friend she was “top crumpet” and it made his day to watch her jog past in her shorts. She was completely blindsided, mortified. I left him in no doubt that he was completely out of order. No wonder so many women feel unable to keep fit. He went off with his tail between his legs. I hope he will think twice before “complimenting” someone in this way again. I think he will because I asked him what his wife would think if she knew what he’d said, and he knows I would tell her.

Headmaster of a private school my friends were looking at for their kids when he met them - the mum arranged and booked the meeting. She has an Oxbridge PhD.
Headmaster comes rushing towards the husband, hand outstretched, saying 'Dr. Smith, how lovely to meet you and your wife...'

I believe this clause, if in the UK, is not legal for the very reason that there is a gender pay gap and women need to be be able to discuss pay to determine if the adversely affected by discrimination.

If older stories are of any use, I have one from the 90s. I was one of very few girls in my school doing A-level physics. One day I was early to class, having had a free period beforehand, so sat and read a book. The teacher was next to arrive. Usually he ignored all the girls in the class, but with absolutely nobody else there he felt he ought to make some sort of conversation and asked what I was reading. I was absorbed in the book and didn't like him much so just flipped it up so he could see the cover.

His response was 'Oh, is it a romance?'

I can't find an exact copy online of what was reading, but it was on this topic with a very similar title and cover: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Jutland-Unfinished-Battle-Nicholas-Jellicoe/dp/1526737280/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?

https://committees.parliament.uk/work/6012/womens-experiences-of-everyday-sexism-and-sexual-harassment-inquiry/

https://www.thebelongingeffect.co.uk/everyday-sexism-a-powerful-call-to-action-from-after-laura-bates-what-schools-can-no-longer-ignore/

https://www.college.police.uk/guidance/sexism-and-misogyny-policing/applying-behavioural-science-sexism-and-misogyny

https://www.bma.org.uk/news-and-opinion/casual-sexism-must-be-consigned-to-the-history-books

Went to a venue to talk about room hire for a class. It's my small business, I recently employed a tutor to do the odd class for me. I'm a woman late 40s, he's a man late 50s. He was with me but I did all the talking. Venue employee directed everything he said to my tutor who had barely said a word at this point. Clearly assumed that the man must be in charge when in fact it's entirely my own business and the tutor had literally just started working with me.

Primary school: so many examples.

Boys had more after school sports than girls... when I asked why the girls could not use the pitch 2 afternoons per week I was asked 'where would the boys go?'

They were given a break time slot instead.

I asked about female representation in the areas of STEM and the example that was given were that the recent male scientist who came to talk said Marie Curie was his favourite scientist.

The school sent more boys than girls to a race competition when the could have sent the same number of girls and boys. They also were limited in the number of football teams they could send to a competition so they sent 4 boys teams and 1 girls team.

The house names were all male.. in defense, they cited tradition.

Many frustrating conversations were had!!

It could be, but unlikely. In every school I’ve had children at they call me first regardless of how we’ve entered numbers on the form and even when I’ve specifically said DH should be the primary contact.

one school only ever called me and even when my phone was broken, kept my DC who had thrown up in school until the end of the day rather than call DH when I didn’t answer.

Not an example.
My all girls prep school the 6 houses were named after women in the Ladybird series.
Cavel - blue
Curie - white
Fry - orange
Keller - yellow
And 2 others I forget.

One from school where I captained the chess team. The teacher from the opposing school saw my name - initial only - and guessed a range of boys names before I stepped forward.

Me, engineer, talking to my tenant, musical theatre professional.. 'helps' me back out of our shared driveway when all I need is him to get out of my way, rolls his eyes when I suggest we unplug his multiway sockets to see what is tripping the electricity - guess who waa right?

@ProfessorBinturong I was one of the few girls studying physics at my school. When I did well in a class test, the male teacher sneered, "I see a girl got the top mark"

The mum of one of the boys in my DC's class in primary school, if ever he was a bit over sensitive or fussy about something, she would sneer at him, "You're such a girl," or, "Don't be such a girl." Like being a girl was the worst thing you could be. She had a daughter as well and I wonder how it made her feel, hearing her mum use "girl" as an insult.