The Bluestocking Womens Pub in an Adventure with Pirates!

[Magpiecomplex]

New thread. You know the deal - women's pub, men to the Staunch Ally next door.

Some of us are currently on the trail of an international seed smuggling ring, just for background information.

My West London suburb is not at all posh or pretty but I’ve got everything I need within a few minutes’ walk or bus ride, parks & rivers a little further, & my one bed flat is just the right size for me. Second floor but the lift is reliable, so I’m hoping it will do me long term.

The opening ceremony is the last moment of order.
Now comes football.
Or, more accurately, gerbil football.
This means:

• Nobody is entirely certain of the rules.
• Several teams have different copies of the rules.
• One team has developed a tactical system based entirely on optimism.
• Another has brought seventeen analysts and no goalkeeper.
• The elephant shrews are already issuing stern warnings despite no offences having occurred.

The first match will probably be something suitably dramatic.
Mexico v South Korea will be an excellent opener because both teams have already demonstrated an alarming tendency to win matches. The gerbils respect this.

Meanwhile:

• Geography is producing wall charts.
• Gazetteer is compiling historical statistics nobody requested.
• Glyph is designing commemorative programmes before any games have been played.
• Granite has started expanding the stadium because attendance exceeded capacity by approximately 400%.

The commentary team will be a disaster. Garrulous will speak continuously for ninety minutes. Glossary will interrupt to explain obscure terminology. Gumption will insist on reading tournament regulations during stoppage time.

The elephant shrews will become increasingly convinced that nobody is taking the competition seriously. The elephant shrews will be correct.

The next chapter will be actual football. Which means the tournament committee immediately loses control of events and becomes hostage to whatever absurd thing happens on the pitch.

That is where the real World Cup begins. ⚽🐹🏆

https://myrtlelion.substack.com/p/now-comes-football

Maybe it’s just as well that the gerbils have apparently never heard that American football teams have cheerleaders. Gubbins playing her triangle at the top of a pyramid could be a bit risky.

You had to go and say that out loud, didn't you?

Well I am exhausted! We had to climb over a load of bloomin great boulders to get to the fossil bit of the beach but I had a great time looking for anything cool, and just pootling about in the sun. One friend was mildly enthusiastic, the other was not at all! We of course had a drink afterwards then a 15 minute walk up a big hill to get the bus home. Sadly no dinosaurs were found, but I did find some botryoidal chalcedony (thanks Google!) and this quite fab piece of rock with hundreds of fossils on.

Next time I'm going with a different friend who isn't in to fossils or archaeology but does love exploring and I know he'll quite happily help me search for good specimens even if it takes hours.

It was Pride in town today so on my way home, I saw many...interesting characters! It really has changed since I used to go.

Glad to hear lots of you had good days too.

I like the sound of pasta's party.

My policy of ignoring the football got challenged at Mass this evening. Some of the regular priests must be on the sick list again, as we had the bloke in his 80s who spent most of his working life in parishes in and around Glasgow. He never preaches a homily, but often gives his thoughts on local sport, usually Gaelic games, before the final blessing and a couple of verses of the Bells of the Angelus.

Today he varied that - we had soccer and O Flower of Scotland instead . . .

I don't suppose God will mind.

My walk today was about 3 miles - I don't do kilometres, although they sound a lot further😁. I used to walk more, but my limit is about 4-5 miles these days, before my knee starts to complain. It's all flat here too, which means I only go hill walking when I'm away from home and the coming down can be a trial.

She did…

Oops…

That sounds great, @RumNotRun.

Thank you MarieDeGournay and EmpressaurusKitty! About my name - I saw the word on the back of a box of Earl Grey tea in Denmark and it amused me that it looked like a name (like Charlotte or Collette etc).

I will mostly lurk; I don't talk much, but I love the amazing range of things spoken about here (particularly the descriptions of nature, the exploits of Brains and Batshit and the interesting linguistics facts. And the gerbils, of course!)

It's fine to lurk, if that's what feels right, but I'm glad you popped your head around the door today to say hello, and explain your name.

Any time you feel like a chat and a Bergamotte Smølfesparklers or three, you know where we are

I'm glad so many Grand Days Out were had - sorry you didn't, Fuzzy, and I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

I tackled some of the serious tidying of garden 'stuff' which I have to do in advance of the work starting, weather permitting, on Monday, but ran out of energy before I go it done - that's fibromyalgia, or at least my version of it: I can start something confidently enough, but then very suddenly 'hit the wall' and have to stop completely,

Tomorrow is another day, and the workmen are nice chaps who said they will clear heavy stuff like the potting bench out of the way.

One of the advantages of getting old is that people do nice things like that - when I was younger, and equally in need of help, nobody offered because I looked young and able-bodied.

A Nice Young Man carried my shopping to the car the other day, I paused at the supermarket door and must have looked slightly daunted. In fact it's no harder for me to carry things now than it has been for all the years I've had FM, but now I'm old, I fall into the category of 'people to be helped'

I also find that people are more patient with my occasional confusion or slowness, which I've also had for years. I'm seeing a kinder side to people than when I was younger with hidden disabilities, which is not what I expected.

I don't know why I've come over all philosophical!🙃

You can waft around fragrantly!
I believe bergamots are sort of knobbly oranges but the name is also used for monarda flowers which are rather prettier.

I only knew about the herb, I’d never heard of bergamot oranges. Thanks @ErrolTheDragon.

I think it's the rind of the bergamot orange that gives Earl Grey its flavour. That's why it's citrusy. I don't know if the herb is citrusy.

Marie, FM must be a very frustrating thing to have, when you desperately want to do things and look 100% fine. But it's lovely to find that people are still being kind to the more obviously infirm.

I had a good experience a while ago. My car died in a field when only two of us were still there. The other person, a bloke, insisted on waiting with me while I phoned my gamekeeper mate aforesaid who lives 10 minutes down the road and is a whizz with cars, and wouldnt leave until gamekeeper had rocked up in his knackered pickup full of tools, wire netting, bits of wood, a dog bed, jerry can of fuel etc. Gamekeeper mate then spent 20 minutes trying to sort out the problem, including ringing his mechanic brother for advice ('You could try that, I'd come down but I've had a bit to drink'), and then insisted on waiting with me till the AA had turned up and fixed the car.

It greatly restored my faith in the male of the species. It felt a little strange, though, because I walk alone in relatively isolated places all the time. But those two blokes were obviously very conscious that some other men are bastards and that I was visible from the road, and they voluntarily paid the price, in their time, to wait with a lone female. I liked them both anyway, and it made me like them more.

@EdithStourton it’s hard to keep in mind that some men are dangerous bastards when the ones of your personal acquaintance are decent blokes, but I think we’ve all encountered at least the less decent ones if not the dangerous ones.

The herb (Monarda) is supposed to be citrusy but I've never noticed it. Mind you, my sense of smell is dodgy at the best of times!

Well I believe you since I had never even heard of the herb before now. Every day is a school day!

I've never liked Earl Grey tea as it tastes too much like perfume to me. I do like bergamot in fragrances though and M&S even do a lovely disinfectant called Green Tea and Bergamot, which makes the whole house smell nice, especially if you wipe it along the tops of radiators. A bit pricey though.

I love Earl Grey tea when it's black and fairly weak so the tanning doesn't overwhelm the bergamot.

Twinings created it for Earl Grey because the spring at his home was limestone, which affected the taste of the water. He wanted something to counter that.

Howick Hall in Northumberland is his estate. It has a beautiful garden and a tea room with very good scones.

Speaking of which...

I grow monarda because it's really attractive to pollinators but it's hard work to keep it alive her. It's oversensitive and temperamental and prone to having a fit of the horticultural vapours before wilting gracefully to the floor like a Victorian lady who has just glimpsed a table leg.

Thank you Edith - 'frustrating' is a good word, my head is always buzzing with projects that I can't do, or couldn't finish if I started them.
It's been like that for years, but I've also accumulated several other health issues as well - and of course, advancing years!
But hey, it could be worse.

It's good to hear your positive experience when your car broke down. I think there's a subset of men who are not at all 'blokeish', if you know what I mean.
Blokeish blokes have a way of underlining that you are female and they are male - calling you 'love', talking condescendingly, the occasional innuendo.
Nice men talk to you as if you were just another human being

I agree with Damson about Earl Grey Tea, but I'd be less polite about it - what an awful thing to do to a perfectly decent tea, if I wanted my cuppa with a dash of perfume....

.

I'm sorry I didn't read your post before my anti Earl Grey Tea rant, Pasta - I'll never like it, but the backstory is very interesting, thank you.

Wasn't it Earl Grey who said 'The lights are going out all over Europe...'?

What magnificent scones!!!

By the time Scotland’s 1–0 victory over Haiti was confirmed and news arrived that Morocco and Brazil had drawn, placing Scotland unexpectedly at the top of Group C, the entire Gerbil World Cup headquarters had descended into celebration.

The cheerleaders turned out to be a mistake. Not because the gerbils lacked enthusiasm. Quite the opposite. The problem was that nobody had established what a cheerleader actually was.

Granite had assumed it involved logistics. Glyph had produced eighty-seven hand-painted signs reading SCOTLAND! in increasingly artistic fonts. Gazetteer had brought maps. Gubbins had brought her triangle.

“We need a pyramid!” shouted Gubbins.

This was immediately accepted as sensible.

Within moments, gerbils were scrambling onto tables. Several climbed onto other gerbils. More joined them. Gubbins fought her way to the summit carrying the triangle above her head like a trophy. The resulting structure swayed alarmingly from side to side.

“Is this safe?” asked Geography.

“No!” shouted Gubbins happily. She struck the triangle. TING!

The pyramid collapsed. Fortunately, it landed on a larger pile of gerbils.

Meanwhile, Granite had interpreted cheerleading as requiring equipment and had constructed enormous pom-poms from shredded tournament paperwork. Several fixture lists disappeared forever. Nobody noticed.

Across the room, Gazetteer was attempting to lead chants. “What do we want?”

There was a pause.

“Scotland?” suggested Glyph.

“Yes!”

“When do we want them?”

Another pause followed.

“Before Morocco?” offered somebody.

“Yes!”

The chant never improved.

The elephant shrew referees observed proceedings from a safe distance and made notes for future disciplinary hearings.

The official tournament bulletin eventually recorded:

Group C Update
Scotland 1–0 Haiti
Brazil 1–1 Morocco
Scotland top the group.

The gerbils added a second bulletin directly underneath:

Group C Update
SCOTLAND ARE WINNING THE WORLD CUP.

Technically this was premature. The gerbils saw no flaw in the reasoning.

Gubbins, now standing on top of a filing cabinet and waving a pom-pom larger than herself, announced that if Scotland beat Morocco in the next match, the cheerleading pyramid would be rebuilt.

The elephant shrews immediately began reviewing health and safety regulations. Just in case.

https://myrtlelion.substack.com/p/scotlands-victory