It's not quite ready, but they heard that it's the 25th anniversary of the film, Moulin Rouge! and thought this has legs. Tiny velvety gerbil legs in sequinned stockings.
The gerbils absolutely would stage Moulin Gerbil! with total sincerity, catastrophic overproduction, and a budget that somehow exceeds several small nations despite nobody ever seeing anyone pay for anything in the Bluey.
But yes — planning is essential, because without structure this becomes:
three hours of glitter,
an incident with the fog machine,
and Glenda attempting to tap-dance on a wine barrel while shouting “THE HILLS ARE ALIVE.”
So:
Initial Production Meeting Notes
Convened in the snug beneath Peak Woo
Minutes taken by a capybara wearing pince-nez
Tone
Not parody.
The gerbils are treating this as:
- devastating romance,
- revolutionary art,
- and an excuse to install aerial rigging in the pub rafters.
Audience reaction expected to alternate between:
- roaring applause,
- emotional confusion,
- and “HOW is that hamster-sized accordion on fire?”
Casting
Satine
Gwendolyn
Has:
- tragic eyelashes,
- enormous emotional range,
- and a tendency to collapse elegantly onto chaise longues.
Already practising dramatic coughing into lace hankies despite being perfectly healthy.
Christian
Gideon
Earnest. Overcommitted. Keeps writing poetry on beer mats.
Has learned exactly four French phrases and deploys them constantly.
Harold Zidler
Maud
Nobody else had the authority.
Maud enters every scene by descending from somewhere unexpected while smoking a bubble pipe.
The Duke
Gustav
Chosen because he already owns a velvet cape and radiates “financially threatening.”
Orchestra
This is where things become unstable.
Gubbins — Triangle
Officially: Percussionist.
Operationally: An unpredictable metallic event generator.
She has missed every cue in rehearsal except one, which she hit with terrifying force during an emotional ballad, causing three guinea pigs to burst into tears.
Glenda — Gin & Interpretive Movement
Nobody entirely remembers appointing her.
She insists she is: “the spirit of bohemian truth.”
Current rehearsal notes:
- too much jazz-hands,
- attempted to seduce a spotlight,
- has fallen off the windmill twice,
somehow improves every scene anyway.
Set Design
The capybaras have become alarmingly ambitious.
Planned features include:
- a rotating windmill,
- indoor moonlight,
- confetti cannons,
- a full elephant made of velvet cushions,
- and a mechanism labelled only: “DO NOT ACTIVATE UNTIL FINALE.”
Nobody knows what it does.
Not even the gerbils.
Especially not the gerbils.
Problems Emerging
Rosie the Red Panda
Keeps hugging actors mid-tragedy.
Emotional continuity impossible.
Colin the Dachshund
Has joined rehearsals voluntarily.
Now refuses to leave the stage during “Lady Marmalade.”
Audience surveys indicate this improves the production by 40%.
The Giant Wombat
Has unexpectedly become invested in lighting design.
Whispers things like: “More shadow… more yearning…”
Honestly? Her instincts are excellent.
Most Important Development
Late last night, several gerbils were seen sneaking enormous quantities of red satin, clockwork parts, and what appeared to be fireworks into the cellar.
When challenged, they said only:
“The spectacular spectacular must spectacularise.”
Which, frankly, answers nothing.
But morale is high.
Stay tuned. Re-casting is in progress. For some reason the gerbils forgot Maud was away.