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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Bluestocking Women's Pub - cheapest bar on the internet.

1000 replies

EdithStourton · 22/04/2026 19:55

The thread in which Gosie's mysterious adventures will continue. All women welcome to join us for a virtual tipple, fun, support and arcane knowledge. And tractors.

Bluestocking Women's Pub - cheapest bar on the internet.
OP posts:
Thread gallery
156
EdithStourton · 23/04/2026 14:11

EmpressaurusKitty · 23/04/2026 09:56

@EdithStourton, I know I can’t buy you a drink in here for your excellent work on the TRA thread, but I am going to reserve you the comfiest chair in the crochet corner, with a footstool & a side table.

That's very kind. I didn't think I'd done much, I just lost my shit a bit, but with moderate coherence rather than throwing things.

I'm just so sick of having to repeat the same stuff over and over and over again. How the really regular posters keep going I do not know.

You (and other Bluey regulars) are also brilliant. Oh - but - aren't we all sock puppets? Patting ourselves on the back?
😁

OP posts:
PastaAllaNorma · 23/04/2026 14:13

Heaps of sympathy, Myrtle. Life is so bloody unfair sometimes.

And gerbils, please bring Edith a cask of her preferred tipple in appreciation.

Chickadeeinme · 23/04/2026 14:14

MyrtleLion · 23/04/2026 13:47

Me and bureaucracy are best friends. I love it. And I'm very good at it. Not sure where I'd find work managing it for other companies oe people though.

My own DS's struggles with PIP tell me how common that kind of struggle is (and he lost it because somehow they think autism just goes away). The bureaucracy around any kind of financial help is a nightmare.

EdithStourton · 23/04/2026 14:28

It's all go here. Disastrous Diagnosis (threads passim) has died. DH will have to go and help other family members start to sort everything out.

We knew it was coming but it's still very sobering when it finally arrives.

OP posts:
MarieDeGournay · 23/04/2026 14:39

Very sorry to hear about your loss, Edith. Being expected doesn't make it less of a loss. Sending you lots of love and Flowers x

MyrtleLion · 23/04/2026 14:40

Chickadeeinme · 23/04/2026 14:14

My own DS's struggles with PIP tell me how common that kind of struggle is (and he lost it because somehow they think autism just goes away). The bureaucracy around any kind of financial help is a nightmare.

It's not an easy form because they honestly don't care what your health condition is; it's how it affects your daily life. So DSD was born extremely premature at 25 weeks weighing less than 700g. She had retinopathy of prematurity (too much oxygen at birth which causes retinas to detach and poor vision - fortunately not as common these days) and two brain haemorrhages, one on each side. And many other conditions associated with being born so early.

All of this ought to be sufficient to say she needs additional support because she can't hold down a job or work more than four hours a day. But they want demonstrations that it interferes with daily life.

She is essentially brain damaged which means she struggles in social situations and people think she's autistic. But she doesn't have other autistic symptoms. She appears to be fine and then you realise she has big gaps. So she can't retain information unless she repeats it eight times. She can't cook so the Walrus makes her hot food. She can't change her bedding and she has to be reminded to take her medication and to shower. But she is lovely and friendly and loyal and if she's given simple things to do for not very long, you wouldn't know she has a problem.

These are small examples of how difficult life is and we have had to focus on these to fill in the form.

It's not enough to say she has been permanently brain damaged, we have to go through all the daily living stuff she can't do. And we have to provide evidence from birth through school to now. This isn't easy because she lived in Spain for 16 years.

The evidence we have is difficult for her to read - letters saying how dependent she was on her mum at 21, performance plans from jobs where she struggled to do basic tasks, and medical reports. We've discovered she's not taking her medication properly because she made assumptions about it and that her hygiene has been poor at work. All of this is great evidence for her application but obviously upsetting that we are now finding out.

Many people filling it out would say I’m brain damaged or I can’t see well and leave it at that, but they require what that means when she gets a bus or train. It's very difficult to write it all down in a way that gets accepted. I feel I've done a good job but she has struggled doing it in her own.

It's like the least able people have to fill in the most difficult paperwork to show they need support.

AuntieMsDamsonCrumble · 23/04/2026 15:32

Sorry for your loss, Edith Flowers

AuntieMsDamsonCrumble · 23/04/2026 15:34

You are obviously a very kind and generous step-mum, @MyrtleLion DSD is very lucky to have you in her lifeFlowers

SidewaysOtter · 23/04/2026 15:56

I'm sorry for your loss @EdithStourton

EmpressaurusKitty · 23/04/2026 16:06

I’m so sorry, @EdithStourton x

EdithStourton · 23/04/2026 17:26

Thank you all for your kindness. We weren't close to Disastrous Diagnosis - but there was a big and entertaining personality there which will be missed.

Death is always so bloody final. At least with this one I had said the things I wanted to say. DH had too, and he is being a good support to those more emotionally impacted than he is. Lots of messages flying round the wider family.

OP posts:
EdithStourton · 23/04/2026 17:30

Myrtle, I'd heard that PIP forms are a nightmare.

Any crossing of swords with bureaucracy by someone not bureaucratically inclined is likely to be very one-sided. A friend of mine is borderline illiterate (severely dyslexic, family not into education) and had a lengthy run-in with the authorities. It was eventually resolved in his favour, but only because he knew a serving policeman who was able, as a friend, to help him out.

OP posts:
Magpiecomplex · 23/04/2026 17:31

Flowers for you, Edith.

I'm knackered and will be found in my favourite drink if anyone needs me.

Bluestocking Women's Pub - cheapest bar on the internet.
NotAtMyAge · 23/04/2026 17:45

EdithStourton · 23/04/2026 14:28

It's all go here. Disastrous Diagnosis (threads passim) has died. DH will have to go and help other family members start to sort everything out.

We knew it was coming but it's still very sobering when it finally arrives.

So sorry for your loss, Edith. Even if you weren't close, this was someone you knew and obviously liked. I heard today that my oldest friend (we started grammar school in the same class in 1957) has died from breast cancer. We've seen very little of each other for many years (family, work, distance) but it's as though the door to my schooldays has finally closed and has made me very reflective.

AngleofRepose · 23/04/2026 17:47

Death is always so bloody final.

Edith, never truer words written. I'm sorry this has happened to your family, but very glad you have family support.

AngleofRepose · 23/04/2026 18:16

For anyone who might need cheering up:

Further to my cactus picture on the previous thread, I am pleased to announce that my cactus' companion has been cleaned for the first time in 30 years and she's looking spiffy!

She is called "Northern Red Salamander, circa 1995. Made in China."

But, for the Bluestocking, I'm going to call her Gekko.

Bluestocking Women's Pub - cheapest bar on the internet.
EmpressaurusKitty · 23/04/2026 19:03

Hello Gecko!

I don’t think the ferrets are going to need to reverse any time soon, given Kezia Dugdale’s performance. Although there’s talk of boomerang ferrets on one of the threads now & I think they’d need crash helmets for that at least.

MyrtleLion · 23/04/2026 19:16

Gosie's next stop...

Here's what actually went down on Mull.
The lead from Mount Stuart was good. The painting was exactly where it was supposed to be: hanging in a private drawing room in a house that doesn’t advertise, owned by someone who prefers things interesting but quiet. Not a villain. Not a fool. Just a collector who’d benefited from a convenient ambiguity.
The issue wasn’t theft—it was attribution drift. Decades ago, the piece had been downgraded, probably to ease a sale. Over time that “lesser” identity stuck. Problem is, the underlying work is better than that story allows. Different hand. Different importance. The sort of correction that quietly reorders a corner of the market.
Gosie didn’t break in. She arrived expected—introduced via exactly the right chain from Mount Stuart. That’s the whole game: access over intrusion.
What happened in the room:

  • She looked, properly. Not long, but thoroughly.
  • Asked two or three questions that sounded casual and weren’t.
  • Noted a restoration seam that shouldn’t be there if the current attribution were true.
  • Clocked the frame—period-correct, but swapped at some point, which is often where the story slips.
Then she did the key thing: she named the possibility without making a scene. Not “this is wrong,” but “this may be earlier, by X circle, possibly even the master underdrawing.” Enough to land. Not enough to spook. The owner didn’t argue. That’s important. Serious collectors know when they’re outmatched on the details. No painting left the wall. Instead:
  • She produced a slim set of comparative notes—images, infrared references, a couple of catalogue entries you don’t find online.
  • Agreed the next step: a quiet technical examination, off the public radar.
  • Arranged the right conservator—one who can confirm without leaking.
Her “fee” there and then wasn’t cash. It was access and first look on a different piece the owner has been sitting on—uncatalogued, potentially far more interesting. That’s the long game. By mid-afternoon, she was gone. What changed? Nothing visible. The painting is still hanging exactly where it was. What’s actually changed?
  • A reattribution process has begun.
  • A conservator will travel under another pretext.
  • Two institutions will soon be very interested.
  • The owner’s position has improved—handled correctly, this becomes a coup, not an embarrassment.
And Gosie? She’s already moved on, with better information, stronger ties, and the next thread in hand. From the outside: a quiet visit to Mull. In reality: a precise correction that will ripple out over the next year or two—no fuss, just a line in a catalogue shifting, and everyone who matters noticing.
Bluestocking Women's Pub - cheapest bar on the internet.
ifIwerenotanandroid · 23/04/2026 19:36

💙 to Edith & Not.

AngleofRepose · 23/04/2026 19:42

MyrtleLion · 23/04/2026 19:16

Gosie's next stop...

Here's what actually went down on Mull.
The lead from Mount Stuart was good. The painting was exactly where it was supposed to be: hanging in a private drawing room in a house that doesn’t advertise, owned by someone who prefers things interesting but quiet. Not a villain. Not a fool. Just a collector who’d benefited from a convenient ambiguity.
The issue wasn’t theft—it was attribution drift. Decades ago, the piece had been downgraded, probably to ease a sale. Over time that “lesser” identity stuck. Problem is, the underlying work is better than that story allows. Different hand. Different importance. The sort of correction that quietly reorders a corner of the market.
Gosie didn’t break in. She arrived expected—introduced via exactly the right chain from Mount Stuart. That’s the whole game: access over intrusion.
What happened in the room:

  • She looked, properly. Not long, but thoroughly.
  • Asked two or three questions that sounded casual and weren’t.
  • Noted a restoration seam that shouldn’t be there if the current attribution were true.
  • Clocked the frame—period-correct, but swapped at some point, which is often where the story slips.
Then she did the key thing: she named the possibility without making a scene. Not “this is wrong,” but “this may be earlier, by X circle, possibly even the master underdrawing.” Enough to land. Not enough to spook. The owner didn’t argue. That’s important. Serious collectors know when they’re outmatched on the details. No painting left the wall. Instead:
  • She produced a slim set of comparative notes—images, infrared references, a couple of catalogue entries you don’t find online.
  • Agreed the next step: a quiet technical examination, off the public radar.
  • Arranged the right conservator—one who can confirm without leaking.
Her “fee” there and then wasn’t cash. It was access and first look on a different piece the owner has been sitting on—uncatalogued, potentially far more interesting. That’s the long game. By mid-afternoon, she was gone. What changed? Nothing visible. The painting is still hanging exactly where it was. What’s actually changed?
  • A reattribution process has begun.
  • A conservator will travel under another pretext.
  • Two institutions will soon be very interested.
  • The owner’s position has improved—handled correctly, this becomes a coup, not an embarrassment.
And Gosie? She’s already moved on, with better information, stronger ties, and the next thread in hand. From the outside: a quiet visit to Mull. In reality: a precise correction that will ripple out over the next year or two—no fuss, just a line in a catalogue shifting, and everyone who matters noticing.

Am intrigued and looking forward to the next leg of the journey

ErrolTheDragon · 23/04/2026 19:47

AngleofRepose · 23/04/2026 18:16

For anyone who might need cheering up:

Further to my cactus picture on the previous thread, I am pleased to announce that my cactus' companion has been cleaned for the first time in 30 years and she's looking spiffy!

She is called "Northern Red Salamander, circa 1995. Made in China."

But, for the Bluestocking, I'm going to call her Gekko.

ah, the buddy of the cactus.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 23/04/2026 19:55

ErrolTheDragon · 23/04/2026 19:47

ah, the buddy of the cactus.

Love the design of the coaster, too.

AngleofRepose · 23/04/2026 19:58

EmpressaurusKitty · 23/04/2026 19:03

Hello Gecko!

I don’t think the ferrets are going to need to reverse any time soon, given Kezia Dugdale’s performance. Although there’s talk of boomerang ferrets on one of the threads now & I think they’d need crash helmets for that at least.

I think they are onto horseshoe ferrets now, or some such. Maybe we'll have a definitive term by the end of the day😄

AlexandraLeaving · 23/04/2026 19:59

💙to Edith x

AlexandraLeaving · 23/04/2026 20:00

And 💙also to NotAtMyAge - sorry, struggling to catch up with everyone's news.

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