Daughter in early 20s lonely due to GC views

[Currentquandry]

My daughter is in her early twenties. She is GC and is struggling because so few of her peers have similar opinions. She is very lonely because of this. Are there any online groups she could join to give her a sense of community? She is also ND. Thank you in advance for your advice…

Maybe you should read all the OPs posts. Your advice would have been better aimed at OPs daughters two longstanding friends.

Nah, that's a reach. It's a very unpleasant suggestion and I don't think @AidaP should have said it.

But I don't see it as corrective rape.

This thread has brought all the boys to the yard hasn’t it? The klaxon must have sounded; they will be frothing away in their basements, so excited to be putting the women in their place.

This. Absolutely this. Well said @GlovedhandsCecilia

Oh come on @IggyPopsPlasticTrousers ‘Unpleasant’? It’s a bit more than that isn’t it? Fucking disturbing is what I’d call it. Certainly not ‘kind’.

The irony...coming from one of the most insensitive, unpleasant, opinionated and utterly intolerant posters on here. There appears to be no genuine desire to advise this mother and understand the issue, only to shadow box an imagined enemy. Take the gloves off...you may find it easier to handle nuanced issues with a bit more delicacy.

I said ' very unpleasant ' . I'd also add ' completely unnecessary '.

And yes, ' unkind. '

I guess I'm just an old hippy/punk at heart. I've watched the trans debate unfold in recent years with a sense of horror ( and to be honest, not much skin in the game - I know some trans folk, but not many )

I've seen some really unpleasant viciousness from both sides - including @AidaP's comment.

But I still think there's a way through this, if both sides dial down the nastiness and try and compromise.

You’ve seen feminists threaten transpeople with rape and murder? Really? Have you seen feminists defunding trans services, nailing dead rats to rape crisis centres and protesting outside trans conferences? I must have missed these. Do you have links?

the only compromise I can see is if males with a trans identity stay out of women’s spaces and stop threatening women for saying no.

I'm with those saying she should concentrate on finding people who she has other stuff in common with rather than what her views are/aren't on this subject.
Whether it be book.clubs, mountain climbing, whatever.
You say she's isolated because of her views, how often does it come up every day anyway?!
Even if it did, you should be able to hear others views that aren't the same as yours.
If you're uncomfortable with them keeping on bringing it up, you just change the subject surely or find others who aren't obsessed and fixated on the one subject.

No. There's only one side making violent sexual threats against women who disagree with them. The desperate narrative of 'both sides' doesn't hold up. No matter now desperately you repeat it.

Ah, yes. 'Be kind' on steroids. 'Women, give up your legal rights to single sex services and exemptions as detailed in the EQA2010 and be sufficiently sweet and simpering about it while you do it, lest you make men sad!'

No.

So you don’t see the suggestion of being violently fucked by a rolling pin without consent as the suggestion of rape?

Thanks for clarifying. I think that perhaps your suggestion to be ‘kind’ is even more problematic if you don’t see the issue with that statement. Maybe it is a boundary issue where you are inclined to be tolerant of things that you should not be tolerant of.

Good point.

Most people, even ones in their 20s, don't care that much about trans, so I'm surprised she's lonely because of her GC views. It sounds like she just needs some more laid back friends.

Insensitive because I won't bow down to your narratives and discuss the topics you want to discuss when you want to discuss them?

Okay.

Obsessed seems to be a favourite word. Apparently understanding that humans cannot change sex and refusing to pretend they can ( for an ‘easy life’) is being obsessed.

I think this is a good learning curve for her.

Society is full of different people with different opinions and everyone needs to find a way to get on.

I work with someone who is very GC but also has very right wing views in other areas too.

I do not agree with the majority of their views at all and we steer clear of getting into conversations regarding them but when things do come up we are both respectful of each others opinions and have had some interesting conversations where we try and see each others POVs and explain our own.

Some people have views purely to be confrontational.
I know someone who regularly wears a Trump T-shirt and a MAGA hat (we’re in England).
Keeping quiet with these people is the best thing to do, as they want the attention of someone disagreeing with them.

Whereas with other people it’s ok to give your opinion and you shouldn’t feel silenced.

It is all part of growing up and learning when to speak and when to stay quiet.

There is no symmetry between what extreme transgender rights activists say to people and what feminists say.

We have seen though, many people, including Starmer, declare that it is ‘both sides’ while calling for kindness. What that comes across as is, accept the violence and threats from male people who demand access into female single sex provisions and be kind back and maybe we will stop telling you your ‘no’ is the same as their threats of violent behaviour.

It is a lazy deflection that means that a person doesn’t have to acknowledge the impact of that threatened violence.

It also doesn’t acknowledge the chilling effect it has on woman and girls.

Be kind is the pernicious mantra that has got women into this position, where society champions the rights of trans-identifying men to claim women’s spaces, safety, dignity, privacy, prizes.

You appear to have missed out on 10 years of this debate.

We started off ‘being kind’ and found that it simply led to abuse at our public meetings, death and rape threats online, secret briefings to govt bodies and institutions, and reports to police of ‘misgenderings’, which meant many people received non-crime hate incidents records, some of which they weren’t even told about. Nurses were forced to change clothes beside trans-identifying men.

Oh and people also lost their jobs for daring to question genderism in their workplaces.

Whatever your particular interest/passion, part of learning adult social interaction is learning to “read the room” and identify when you’re losing your audience through boring them or because they disagree with your perspective and have disengaged rather than challenge it. This can be more difficult for ND people but is nevertheless a requirement if you want to have friends/social engagement. Perhaps she is a bit militant in discussing her viewpoint and people her age find it offputting?

Maybe you should give that advice to all young people.

Learning to accept other people have different views and being able to maintain relationships with people who have different views is important. I think you should be supporting her in being able to navigate this. If you struggle yourself with people who have different views, there may be some resources online for autistic people to help them in that area. I have friends/family with different views, some I can have intelligent and respectful debate with, with some I know the subject is best avoided.

Recent posters engaging with the opening post—please see my update made at 9.52am. Thanks to those who offered helpful suggestions.

I work with someone who is very GC but also has very right wing views in other areas too.

And here we have it, the accusation that being GC is being right wing.

From the OP's second post, in case this was 'missed' as well:

"She doesn’t talk about her GC views except at home or in very rare circumstances. But she recently liked a video on social media (not a particularly controversial one but linked to women’s rights/trans issues) and that was enough for two longstanding friends to condemn her. My daughter is happy to “agree to disagree” with people and discuss thoughts but that is not always an option as PP have correctly highlighted."

Re "be kind".

I am sure the OP would welcome any further suggestions that people can make to improve the situation for her daughter. I think social media privacy settings and approach to usage have already been mentioned, although that does seem uncomfortably like shutting women up.

The problem here seems to be with the friends/handmaidens' attitudes and intransigence rather than the OP's child.

🤣🤣🤣

oh the irony!