Concern my child is "trans"

[KiddyMcKiddly]

I have a 17 yo boy. He's got ADHD and likely autism (though this was only observed by his psychiatrist, not formally diagnosed). Sensitive, creative, brilliant mind. Desperately depressed at times, other times very happy. Finds it difficult to get a grip on his emotions.
He's been hinting that there is a secret he won't tell in case his dad and I reject him.
I have noticed he covers the mirror when he has a shower (he forgot to take the towel down one time and i found it).
He's recently started shaving all his body hair (this is not a "body-builder" type vanity - he's skinny as a rake).
Due to the body image issues, and some recent anxiety problems we've found him a therapist as he needs someone to talk to.
But I feel sure, if the therapy doesn't lead him away from it, that he is going to tell us he wants to be a woman.
I will always love him. He knows that I don't believe in gender theory and over the years we have had a number of heated arguments on the subject (I now regret approaching things in a theoretical way as I realise he may have been arguing from his own feelings).
But I will be heartbroken if he follows this path. I don't see how I can see him as a woman. He will always be a boy to me. How could I start using a different name for him?We chose his name so carefully and it has meaning and purpose.
Is there a way I can approach all of this? It feels like I can't stop him if that's what he determines, but I don't believe he will find happiness that way.

Agreed!

And alienating people from their loved ones is a huge red flag for cult mentality, especially when coupled with love bombing, as it happens so much in T groups.

Indeed. Creepy as fuck.

Why are you intentionally using them pronouns for a boy? 🧐 If he has told you to use other pronouns and you personally know him it’s a breach of confidentiality to talk about him on an online forum if you’re a psychotherapist. And if you don’t know him then you are intentionally misgendering him. And why are you implying that there’s something wrong with OP’s ‘views’ as you call it or that they would make her struggle to be “kind, loving and supportive”? It seems quite judgmental and passive aggressive from a psychotherapist. Don’t you cover treating everyone with respect and being non-judgmental in training?

Quite. The whole 'we are your family now' shtick that TRAs use to groom and sow seeds of distrust into the minds of vulnerable young people is disgusting.

If "accepting them as they wish" means lying to the OP's son that he is really a woman, and telling him to distance hinself from OP, then those people do not have his best interests at heart. Unlike OP, who clearly does.

@Limoncellospritzz I have a lot of thoughts in reply to your answer. It certainly made me think. However, I don't want to derail this thread.

I read that as 'even though you strongly disagree you were still kind & loving' so I don't think there was a negative judgement implied. And as most parents I'm sure can relate to we often to struggle to maintain composure when we don't agree with our child's views.

The OP never said whether her son had requested pronouns so maybe this commenter was using 'they' as a way of avoiding a he or she to be polite. In any case the spirit of the comment was to offer the OP much deserved praise rather than make a big deal about pronouns.

What the actual fuck 😂 are you okay?

I used a gender neutral term as the person isn’t sure if they want to identify as male or female.

i don’t know these people and where the fuck have you got the idea I’m talking about my patients online?

I think the heats getting to you my dear and making you rage 😡

I'd tweak this suggestion slightly. He absolutely does need to know the implications of the SC ruling that he must not use the womens, but that is not the same as saying that he must use the mens. The EHRC guidance was pretty clear that those with PC of GR can ask for accommodations to be made that are not simply "use communal facilities based on sex". Although non-binary does complicate that slightly; it's less clear he would have the PC in that case especially if not medicalised.

I really hope OP's son doesn't end up going down that path, it's not an easy one for sure, but it is possible to simultaneously transition and respect the law. We should be preparing questioning people for that. It's great that OP was able to make him aware about implications for sterility. The implications for e.g. changing rooms, people's perceptions, not "passing" are all really worth mentioning too. But there is a chance that he learns of all those things and still decides to go ahead and transition; I did. I hope not, I hope he can find another path, but it's worth preparing him honestly for what he is getting into if he does.

Wishing you the best OP, hope you're coping and I really hope things do improve.