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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

The Bluestocking - your local women's pub, warm, friendly, and not at all unusual in any way.

1000 replies

MarieDeGournay · 17/01/2026 14:46

Welcome to The Bluestocking, the welcome is warm, the conversation is wide-ranging, the food and drink are delicious but magically free from anything they need to be free from, and the bar staff are highly-trained, professional, efficient and very friendly gerbils.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
142
EdithStourton · 25/01/2026 11:49

NotAtMyAge · 25/01/2026 11:32

Poor Edith. You sound just like me on Friday after an appalling night. I couldn't even blame DH as we've had separate bedrooms for years. I was a total zombie all day. Here's wishing you the wonderful TEN hours I had on Friday night after I crawled exhaustedly into bed. I haven't slept like that for a very long time.

PS I'm also the one who knows where everything lives except for DH's tools. Those are his problem.

Ten hours! Ten bloody hours! I have no idea when I last slept for ten hours in one night.
But my sincere sympathies for the night before.

Ha, tools.
I have my own special set, after the morning when, due to school and nursery pick-ups, and the need to feed the dog and hang the laundry before I could begin, I had about an hour and 3/4s to cut a batten to size, screw it to a window frame, staple on some velcro and hang a blind.

I had tidied all the tools not long before.
I could not find the screwdrivers I needed. They were not in the correct tool box. I eventually found them in completely the wrong place.
I also found the small hacksaw in a different wrong place, with no blade.
I looked for blades, but there were none left.
No sandpaper of the right gauge.
There were at least staples in the staple gun, when I finally found it.

By this time it was time to go and do the nursery pick-up. I was livid. I had wasted a massive chunk of my valuable child-free morning finding tools - a job that should have taken 10 minutes.

A few days later I went to the largest ironmongers in the district and bought myself not only a full set of the basic essentials (hammer, slot and Philips screwdrivers, small hacksaw with blades, pliers, etc) but a toolbox to store them in. I hid the whole lot from DH.

Of course, he eventually found out about it, and at various times has asked to borrow things when he can't find his. A while ago I picked up a hammer he was using. 'This is mine,' I said. 'WTF is it doing here?'
'It must be mine. It was with my tools,' quoth he.
'Oh no it is NOT yours. It is MINE. The ones you call yours were in fact my father's, c1960, not this snazzy modern number.'

I swear, I'm going to buy green nail polish and mark every single one of my tools - I have acquired more since, including a very nice tape measure.

Sorry. Rant over.

MarieDeGournay · 25/01/2026 11:53

Lovely knitting, Myrtle!

Knitting booties for the DGS-to-be is a lovely way to mark such an amazing friendship.

  • *Thank you for pareidolia, it's great to learn a new word. Every day a school day, but a very nice one, at the Bluey 😀
OP posts:
EdithStourton · 25/01/2026 11:55

“Women are not wrong at all when they reject the rules of life that have been introduced into the world, inasmuch as it is the men who have made these without them..”
Love the quote, @MarieDeGournay.

Also love the term 'scattergun swearing'. I'll try and remember that.

MarieDeGournay · 25/01/2026 12:01

AsWithGlad · 25/01/2026 00:42

I looked up the last source Wikipedia gives - Jenny Diski, Apologies for the Woman Writing - which it describes as a work of historical fiction based on the life of Marie de Gournay, published by Virago in 2014.
It’s ISBN 9780349005331 in electronic format.

I don’t know if that might be interesting?

Ordered it from World of Books via Amazon, 2nd hand, £12and some change incl p&p from UK, so that makes up for shelling out to get the French biographySmile
Thank you for the suggestion, all the comments about MdeG have made me look into her life more deeply, thanks for that inspiration.

OP posts:
MyrtleLion · 25/01/2026 12:03

EdithStourton · 25/01/2026 11:49

Ten hours! Ten bloody hours! I have no idea when I last slept for ten hours in one night.
But my sincere sympathies for the night before.

Ha, tools.
I have my own special set, after the morning when, due to school and nursery pick-ups, and the need to feed the dog and hang the laundry before I could begin, I had about an hour and 3/4s to cut a batten to size, screw it to a window frame, staple on some velcro and hang a blind.

I had tidied all the tools not long before.
I could not find the screwdrivers I needed. They were not in the correct tool box. I eventually found them in completely the wrong place.
I also found the small hacksaw in a different wrong place, with no blade.
I looked for blades, but there were none left.
No sandpaper of the right gauge.
There were at least staples in the staple gun, when I finally found it.

By this time it was time to go and do the nursery pick-up. I was livid. I had wasted a massive chunk of my valuable child-free morning finding tools - a job that should have taken 10 minutes.

A few days later I went to the largest ironmongers in the district and bought myself not only a full set of the basic essentials (hammer, slot and Philips screwdrivers, small hacksaw with blades, pliers, etc) but a toolbox to store them in. I hid the whole lot from DH.

Of course, he eventually found out about it, and at various times has asked to borrow things when he can't find his. A while ago I picked up a hammer he was using. 'This is mine,' I said. 'WTF is it doing here?'
'It must be mine. It was with my tools,' quoth he.
'Oh no it is NOT yours. It is MINE. The ones you call yours were in fact my father's, c1960, not this snazzy modern number.'

I swear, I'm going to buy green nail polish and mark every single one of my tools - I have acquired more since, including a very nice tape measure.

Sorry. Rant over.

That wasn't a rant, that was a public service broadcast!

I bought a complete drill and drill set from IKEA. Very cheap. Good enough for the jobs I wanted it to do. When I left ex-DP, he hid it. Because he wanted it. Though how a 42 year old adult man had managed to live life without buying any power tools was beyond me.

Fortunately the Walrus came along about a year later, and brought with him two, yes two, large toolboxes, complete with comprehensive drills and all the bits, including cordless drills with spare power packs, and a tiny power drill for "awkward corners". The man knows his shit. And in the ten years we've been together (I know! Longest relationship ever!), he has never had to buy more because he bought the proper expensive tools first time.

So we don't go traipsing round hardware stores ogling power tools that often.

MarieDeGournay · 25/01/2026 12:05

EdithStourton · 25/01/2026 11:55

“Women are not wrong at all when they reject the rules of life that have been introduced into the world, inasmuch as it is the men who have made these without them..”
Love the quote, @MarieDeGournay.

Also love the term 'scattergun swearing'. I'll try and remember that.

Remember it, and do it!Grin

Here's another Montaigne quote that I think may find favour with those of you who have cat-bosses:
“When I play with my cat, who knows if I am not a pastime to her more than she is to me?”
😼

OP posts:
Boiledbeetle · 25/01/2026 12:11

I was once offered the choice of a holiday abroad or a drill as a present by my then boyfriend. He was most put out when I chose the drill.

On tools, if you share a house always ensure your name is on every tool you own, either scratched in or with marker pen. It's the only way to stop thieving sods declaring tools as theirs because it's in their toolbox (because they didn't return it last time they "borrowed" it)

Magpiecomplex · 25/01/2026 12:14

EdithStourton · 25/01/2026 11:49

Ten hours! Ten bloody hours! I have no idea when I last slept for ten hours in one night.
But my sincere sympathies for the night before.

Ha, tools.
I have my own special set, after the morning when, due to school and nursery pick-ups, and the need to feed the dog and hang the laundry before I could begin, I had about an hour and 3/4s to cut a batten to size, screw it to a window frame, staple on some velcro and hang a blind.

I had tidied all the tools not long before.
I could not find the screwdrivers I needed. They were not in the correct tool box. I eventually found them in completely the wrong place.
I also found the small hacksaw in a different wrong place, with no blade.
I looked for blades, but there were none left.
No sandpaper of the right gauge.
There were at least staples in the staple gun, when I finally found it.

By this time it was time to go and do the nursery pick-up. I was livid. I had wasted a massive chunk of my valuable child-free morning finding tools - a job that should have taken 10 minutes.

A few days later I went to the largest ironmongers in the district and bought myself not only a full set of the basic essentials (hammer, slot and Philips screwdrivers, small hacksaw with blades, pliers, etc) but a toolbox to store them in. I hid the whole lot from DH.

Of course, he eventually found out about it, and at various times has asked to borrow things when he can't find his. A while ago I picked up a hammer he was using. 'This is mine,' I said. 'WTF is it doing here?'
'It must be mine. It was with my tools,' quoth he.
'Oh no it is NOT yours. It is MINE. The ones you call yours were in fact my father's, c1960, not this snazzy modern number.'

I swear, I'm going to buy green nail polish and mark every single one of my tools - I have acquired more since, including a very nice tape measure.

Sorry. Rant over.

Pink paint all over the tools Edith. Makes it really blindingly obvious, and possibly reduces his willingness to use them.

Magpiecomplex · 25/01/2026 12:16

I've just done my tax return. I will be sitting in a corner cuddling Rosy and muttering under my breath about money-grabbing bastards for the rest of the day. Send cheese.

Boiledbeetle · 25/01/2026 12:16

@MyrtleLion

"he has never had to buy more because he bought the proper expensive tools first time."

So true. I still have the expensive saw my mum bought me for my 16th birthday. Still works perfectly.

On the toolbox front I made my own toolbox! To be fair I didn't have much choice, it was one of the things I had to make during my apprenticeship for my City and Guilds in carpentry.

FuzzyPuffling · 25/01/2026 12:58

Would any gerbils/ quokkas/ Bluestockingers like to help me celebrate my birthday? I promise not to eat Cake.

Taztoy · 25/01/2026 13:01

FuzzyPuffling · 25/01/2026 12:58

Would any gerbils/ quokkas/ Bluestockingers like to help me celebrate my birthday? I promise not to eat Cake.

Happy birthday!

Magpiecomplex · 25/01/2026 13:01

Happy birthday Fuzzy!

The Bluestocking - your local women's pub, warm, friendly, and not at all unusual in any way.
Boiledbeetle · 25/01/2026 13:16

Happy birthday @FuzzyPuffling

🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎁 🎊

I'll just set your present down.

The Bluestocking - your local women's pub, warm, friendly, and not at all unusual in any way.
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/01/2026 13:18

Happy birthday, @FuzzyPuffling! I hope you are having a lovely day.

@EdithStourton and @DrAuroraSoupDragonsFriend are absolutely right about including an error in each thing you make, @MyrtleLion. I read somewhere that Buddhists think that only God can create perfection, so if we try to make the things we make perfect, we are trying to be God, and are getting above our station. It makes a good excuse for the odd mistake in my work, so I’m happy to believe it!

ifIwerenotanandroid · 25/01/2026 13:24

Hope you're having a lovely day, Puffers! No need to eat Cake, you can just eat cake.

The Bluestocking - your local women's pub, warm, friendly, and not at all unusual in any way.
Boiledbeetle · 25/01/2026 13:27

Oh! I appear not to have got the fish memo.

Enjoy your Highland cow slippers @FuzzyPuffling

The Bluestocking - your local women's pub, warm, friendly, and not at all unusual in any way.
FuzzyPuffling · 25/01/2026 13:28

Boiledbeetle · 25/01/2026 13:27

Oh! I appear not to have got the fish memo.

Enjoy your Highland cow slippers @FuzzyPuffling

Perfect. Cosy flipper feet at last! Thank you.

Igneococcus · 25/01/2026 13:29

Oh, a fellow Aquarian, Happy Birthday Fuzzy, we shall be eating haggis, neeps and tatties in your honour here in Scotland today.

FuzzyPuffling · 25/01/2026 13:30

Igneococcus · 25/01/2026 13:29

Oh, a fellow Aquarian, Happy Birthday Fuzzy, we shall be eating haggis, neeps and tatties in your honour here in Scotland today.

Happy Burns' Night to you!

Igneococcus · 25/01/2026 13:32

FuzzyPuffling · 25/01/2026 13:30

Happy Burns' Night to you!

Thank you :) I'm looking forward to a wee dram (or maybe two) tonight.

Chersfrozenface · 25/01/2026 13:32

Happy birthday, Fuzzy!

The Bluestocking - your local women's pub, warm, friendly, and not at all unusual in any way.
MarieDeGournay · 25/01/2026 13:47

Happy Birthday Fuzzy! I hope you have a lovely day with lots of fishcakes fish cakes😁🎂🍾

The Bluestocking - your local women's pub, warm, friendly, and not at all unusual in any way.
OP posts:
AuntieMsDamsonCrumble · 25/01/2026 13:48

FuzzyPuffling · 25/01/2026 12:58

Would any gerbils/ quokkas/ Bluestockingers like to help me celebrate my birthday? I promise not to eat Cake.

Wishing you a Very Happy Birthday @FuzzyPuffling

Hope you are having a great day 🎂🍹🍾

MarieDeGournay · 25/01/2026 13:59

Igneococcus · 25/01/2026 13:32

Thank you :) I'm looking forward to a wee dram (or maybe two) tonight.

The bargerbils are ready for Burns Night!
[recycled image]

I'm in two minds about the apostrophe, I've invented a law that if the word is being used adjectivally rather than a possessive, it doesn't take the possessive apostrophe.
Heated arguments may be had in Pedantry Corner, until the barmanagerbil asks us to take it outside, this is a respectable house ..😁

Sláinte maith/slainte mhath to everybody celebrating tonight.

I'll be doing what I do every Burns night - reading something from my grandfather's old book of Burns' poetry, chosen at random. Some years it's more of a challenge than others, depending on length and language😶

The Bluestocking - your local women's pub, warm, friendly, and not at all unusual in any way.
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