Looking at men differently now I know too much?

[clingfilmed]

In recent years I've seen so much in the news and online about men's abuse and violence towards women. A man who looks totally normal and pleasant and is perhaps in many ways a good man might still be going home and creating fake AI nudes of women he knows or watching extreme porn or abusing his wife or kids or using prostitutes or cam girls or has a fetish that degrades and dehumanises women or is a complete misogynist.

There is a post on the relationships board now where a married man is hoping that just because a mum of his sons friend has been friendly towards him she might fancy him and be up for it.

Then looking at many of the men I know day to day how they talk to and interact with their wives and families is depressing to see, almost like they don't care at all.

I know its not every man, I know some men who I do think are good. I do look back to the rose tinted days of my teens when I would idealise boys and think they were so amazing and now knowing what I do about general trends and some men in particular its quite a disappointment.

I can't really be arsed with this endless merry go round of 'who has it worse'.

In response to me talking about perpetration rates not victimisation rates.

Read what I write or stop replying to me.

Sex is a higher-risk activity for women than it is for men, so we are likely to be choosier than about our partners. We are also far less likely to orgasm during penetration, so the rewards for having casual sex are less. Is this not self-evident?

And the high proportion who would abuse children, even their own, if they got the chance and could get away with it is sickening to think of.

I'll reply to whatever I want on a public forum, thanks. The admin are the ones who decide what's appropriate, not you.

Having to potentially become a father against your will and financially support a child for 18 years is surely not an inconsiderable risk, and a lot more likely than being murdered.

Men will choose to take that risk for a guaranteed orgasm. They can wear condoms to substantially reduce that risk, and the smarter ones do.

It's the woman who is pregnant for nine months, not him. It's also the woman who faces abortion and any psychological consequences. And she probably won't even orgasm. What's in it for her?

I am not alone in noting that you often reply to something in a way that indicates that you didn't read what was actually written. You've done it sufficiently often that it feels intentional.

Men are the problem. They will fuck anything and make it their priority. https://www.mumbailive.com/amp/en/crime/mumbai-sees-rise-in-sexual-assault-cases-against-stray-dogs-91634

To be fair a woman can substantially reduce her risk just as much if he wears a condom

Never in my life have I been the one asking to bareback. The men I've slept with often have asked.

Talking to female friends indicates that my experience is commonplace.

Wow, so the other posters that disagree with me also disagree with me? 🤯

And lo, you do it again.

You attack straw-men, not people's actual arguments. Posters mentioning this isn't them disagreeing with you, it's them asking you to engage with the arguments actually presented.

Sometimes it's better to just state one's view. I wouldn't bother arguing with a BNP supporter, for example, because it'd be pointless. I know there'd be nothing they could say which would enlighten me or provide food for thought. It's the same with people that write lengthy justifications of sexism or the unconditional dislike of a whole demographic.

Also, you keep me-railing the discussion with your personal stories which don't really prove anything and aren't verifiable. Sometimes it's better just to outline your view so that people passively reading the thread know that not everybody agrees with the narrative.

Dropped back in to see how things were going, and was amused to see the above.

Sometimes it's better just to outline your view so that people passively reading the thread know that not everybody agrees with the narrative.

This seems to be a popular approach on the TRA and MRA side. While it can be frustrating for those of us who really want to get to the bottom of things and love the challenge of meaningful debate, I fundamentally agree that it can, indeed, be helpful. I've not yet read a poster who subscribes to this approach who I think is doing their "side" of the argument any favours. Operation #LetThemSpeak exists for a reason. Thank you, to all such willing participants, for your service.

Feminism isn't comparable to the BNP. HTH.

I note that you make no acknowledgement of my statistically-based posts.

Me too. This really shocked me. The sheer ordinariness of the men involved terrified me. I actually found myself walking past men in the street with whom i (accidentally) made some sort of eye contact wondering what they were really thinking, either about me or about some other woman. Not a pleasant thought.

I've sort of got over it now, but really only in the way you get used to things, which is not great.

He speaks for me. So that's 100% of the sample of 2 on this thread.

As a deemed man on FWR, he doesn't speak for me. I've never experienced anything resembling this.

Before someone chimes in with the 'but you're a gay man!', gay men aggressively direct these um, feelings, toward other men. I never felt anything remotely like this.

The old quote-mining dishonesty again, I see.

Plenty? So more than enough to go round, then? Doesn't tie in with much of what we read on Mumsnet, does it?

Having now read the thread, I'll just say I wish with all of my being that I would have been prepared for men in my late teens.

#notallmen but way too freaking many of them, like most of them.

@seethlaw, I have a young cousin who is a transman. What amazed him was the way men speak about women when they think no woman is present. They slag off their wives and girlfriends - very often in a way that would be curtains for the relationships if the women could be flies on the wall.

In my experience, it's very dependent on what kind of atmosphere is being fostered.

For example: I'm very lucky, because my place of work is more egalitarian than most, with women occupying almost all possible posts for the same pay as men. I don't think it's a coincidence that most men there don't tend to exhibit the behaviour you describe - though even then, I've had more than a few appalling moments.

Now put those same men in a more competitive environment, and all bets are off. More competition means more misogyny in general, which is directed at the female colleagues obviously, but also at all the women in the men's lives. It's like some kind of weird competition the men have between themselves to show who's the least dependent on the women in their lives, and especially who's the most harrassed by said women.

I mean, I guess women do something similar when they get into, "Ugh! Let me tell you about my husband's latest stupid move!", but... It doesn't feel the same. As a rule, women complain about the person who is their husband and who happens to be male. Sure sometimes there'll be rants about men being like this or that, but it's not systematic. When men do it, it feels like it goes the other way around: like their wives are women first and people second, and the men slag them off first and foremost on the basis of their being women. It's unsettling. It's like you want to remind them that, "She's not just any woman; she's the person you love!" Which is something I rarely felt around women ranting about their men.

This, don't read it if you don't want to potentially be depressed and angry

https://archive.ph/UExCb

https://unherd.com/2026/06/brussels-europes-pimp-city/?edition=us

For 50 Swiss francs ($50), customers were invited to choose a woman from an iPad menu, then order her to give him a blowjob along with his cappuccino.

It's not that men hate women, though some will, that they feel contempt for women, though some do, it's more like we're an appliance, like a toaster or perhaps a vending machine. Insert money and orgasms are delivered. However these men view us it's not as something worthy of respect.