She/hers everyhere on event programme i'm attending, what do I do?

[Cerialkiller]

I casually agreed to meet a relative at a local education conference later today, she is one of the speakers. she booked me in, all good. Just gone through the programme and everyone has pronouns and suddenly im gripped with uncertainty about going.

I can't make a scene as its her event but everyone will have name badges including me and it didn't even occur to me that this would come up. I work from home freelance in a pretty male dominated industry so thought I had avoided all this shit!

Any ideas how I can carefully avoid she/her pronouns without making it a big deal? Not just the badge but if it comes up in conversation. I'm really afraid I'll say something sensible out loud, acidentally that's against dogma and out myself. Whats worse it that my relative is a big TRA supported, manages to shoehorn it into most conversations. I think she suspects im at the very least not as into it as she is but this is really not the time or place to get into it.

My current plan is to go late, meet her for lunch, stay for her talk and then make an excuse to run off. If things run late then I'll have to make a dash to pick up the kids anyway. Otherwise do a lot of nodding and smiling. The name badge will deal with when I get there.

I'm now wishing I hadn't spent the last couple of days catching up on all the videos from the genspec conference as its just entrenching my principles. I don't think I can put she/her on the badge, I just can't.

I hope i'm making a bigger deal about this then it is, my stomach just dropped when I saw it. I have zero practice with this, i'm also super awkward and struggle to lie off the cuff.

If the issue of pronouns comes up a direct ‘oh don’t be so silly’ would work and if badges are already printed ask for a pen to cross any such nonsense out.

I am a vocal and proud TERF, it is long overdue that we challenge and put the deluded firmly in their place.

I think at this point this thread is about assuaging my imagined concerns (which is has) by preparing me for imagined conflict. I'm ASD so having a battery of phrases ahead of time is reassuring, although i'll be dissapointed not to use any of them now.

I completely agree but I'm so awkward that i'm more likely to do the cause a disservice, especially if something is sprung on me unexpectedly as I'll immediatly fall back on the 'you want rapists in woman's prison?!' argument that will make me seem unhinged, correct or not.

Please let us know how it goes? I have these ‘worries’ myself!

How would they put your pronouns on your badge without asking you for them? Surely assuming you're 'she/her' is against the whole thing they are trying to do? <clutching at ever-decreasing straws>

Well a lack of internal logic has never stopped them before...

As pp has said, I fear my sister may have forgotten my actual pronouns (neenee/neeneenee) and put down she/her because she loves the 'western invented binery system', or hates it? I dunno can't keep up.

I'm sorry, thats so funny, just scared the cat off my lap with laughing.

Also 'your redundent attempt to mock me' followed by a flounce, is YET ANOTHER good phrase to use for anyone questioning my lack on pronouns.

Thanks so much!

I'm over sensitive to other people's emotions plus I feel anxious if I have to lie so the best I can do in these situations is live my own truth.

" I'm sorry I don't really have pronouns so I didn't know what to put?" "I don't think I really have a gender identity so I left it blank" ". I don't mind what pronouns you use for me so I left it blank". All these would feel like I'm being honest to myself without being overly combative to those who believe in genderism.

I think you’ve got it sorted, OP, but there’s always the option to play dumb:

”What are your pronouns?”
”How do you mean?”
”Well, do you like to be referred to as she, or he, or something else?”
”Well, I’m a woman… Sorry, is that - is that not clear?” <rubs upper lip self-consciously> “Shit, is my ‘tache back again?! I just can’t keep on top of it.”

I may go down this route depending on circumstances. That's probabaly what I would have done (and may still do) before asking on hear but my loins feel girded now!

Heading off in a moment, will update this afternoon.

I just say call me Mrs please. Or Miss as the case may be.

I fail to see why it would come up in conversation, unless one of the themes of the conference was gender/trans policy in education or something.

Just politely send a note to say you'd rather not have pronouns on your badge.

It's someone in HR ticking boxes at the conference organiser. I doubt all the people wearing it think TWAW and men should be in women's spaces.

Don't let it distract you from what could be an interesting experience.

When it would be too awkward to outright refuse, I say that my pronouns are (n/a). Or (Flibbertyfloo/Flibbertyfloo's).

If they give you the badge already done, just nicely say there seems to be a mistake and ask for a blank tag and pen to write yourself one, just putting your name. That way anyone you're talking to will just assume you were a late addition hence no printed badge.

Stabbing a Weetabix doesn't exactly shock anyone here, you numpty.

Brave is maybe incorrect. Reckless combined with a genuine "don't give a f-" attitude to things like the fact I can't be bothered with people who are idiots or people who cannot handle hearing my honest opinions, not least because I am pretty self-sufficient and don't fear losing friends.

I also don't care if people think I am ranting like a loony - not least because every single one of these ideologues knows full well that they have a mother and father with XX and XY chromosomes respectively. I wish I was better at showing more calm reason in conversations.

If someone asked me my pronouns, I'd be asking, incredulously, in a pretty pissed off manner, "What?? Are you saying you can't tell that I'm a woman???" and act as offended as I could.

I've never been to a conference where everyone wears their badge. You're not a speaker or there in a professional capacity. You're not there to network, unless I've misunderstood. So if you want to speak up, do, but dropping the badge into your pocket / handbag and heading off to check out the buffet would be the most obvious course of action for me.

Are you actually ok? 🤣

"As a straight woman I could never date someone with a vagina even though I love men and some men have vaginas. Is my sexual orientation evidence of my transphobia and if so how can I become less bigoted?"

.

My pronouns are I, me, he, she, him, her, they, them, we, our, my etc etc dependent to who I am referring to when I am speaking.

My pronouns are never he / him or she / her for someone I am talking to.

My pronouns are not at all interested in someone's gender identity, to the point that the only men I would consider referring to as "she / her" are gender critical gay men (and only then in very specific jokey circumstances where I was confident of not causing offence).

Haha! That will sort out the geese and swans from the foxes and the rabbits, AND give the wallabies something to think about. 🐿

(I am starting my own identity identifier labels, I think they will catch on.)