She/hers everyhere on event programme i'm attending, what do I do?

[Cerialkiller]

I casually agreed to meet a relative at a local education conference later today, she is one of the speakers. she booked me in, all good. Just gone through the programme and everyone has pronouns and suddenly im gripped with uncertainty about going.

I can't make a scene as its her event but everyone will have name badges including me and it didn't even occur to me that this would come up. I work from home freelance in a pretty male dominated industry so thought I had avoided all this shit!

Any ideas how I can carefully avoid she/her pronouns without making it a big deal? Not just the badge but if it comes up in conversation. I'm really afraid I'll say something sensible out loud, acidentally that's against dogma and out myself. Whats worse it that my relative is a big TRA supported, manages to shoehorn it into most conversations. I think she suspects im at the very least not as into it as she is but this is really not the time or place to get into it.

My current plan is to go late, meet her for lunch, stay for her talk and then make an excuse to run off. If things run late then I'll have to make a dash to pick up the kids anyway. Otherwise do a lot of nodding and smiling. The name badge will deal with when I get there.

I'm now wishing I hadn't spent the last couple of days catching up on all the videos from the genspec conference as its just entrenching my principles. I don't think I can put she/her on the badge, I just can't.

I hope i'm making a bigger deal about this then it is, my stomach just dropped when I saw it. I have zero practice with this, i'm also super awkward and struggle to lie off the cuff.

I was going to say it wont be a problem as usually for an event like this you are asked for your pronouns when registering, and that is what gets printed on your badge. There is generally an option for prefer not to say, and then you get a badge with just your name on it and nobody notices or cares.

However the issue is that if your relative has paid they have probably said what your pronouns are and so you will get pronouns on your badge.

I'll look puzzled at the toilet doors. Look pointedly at my name badge, pull out a sharpie and cross out the she/her and put in zee/zer then wonder around looking lost and muttering about there being no toilets for me and how disgraceful that is.

You have no reason to feel silly about wanting to talk about it on here.

You said you work at home in a male-dominated industry. You wanted some perspective from women on here. That's absolutely fine.

I hope it's an interesting conference anyway.

Oh fuck you're right! She will have as well! How very presumptive of her!

Thanks, She's an excellent speaker so her bit will be good if I can catch it. I'm usually bored to death at conferences, even ones i've chosen to go to!

It's making me realise that i'm clearly turning into a hermit (despite having a husband and children) and maybe I should get out more.

My pronouns are your majesty/empress of the Universe. Thats what I identify as and that's what I shall be referred to at any given opportunity.. its even on my facebook profile. :-)

Ooh I have a ready-made reply which I’ve never had to use - you can have mine!

“I am strongly opposed to universal public pronouns. I think they put young people under intolerable pressure to make a public statement. You would never dream of doing that with sexuality”.

And then watch them implode. I mean all of that from a GC standpoint but even if I was a true believer, I would still think that because just like with sexuality, it’s up to people how much they share.

its fine, take a litter tray with you whip it out and let loose in the middle of the keynote speech

Pronouns are very important to people who exist outside the western invented binary system that was created to keep women like chattel. If you don’t agree with it, the best you can do is just keep your prejudice to yourself, your opinion isn’t warranted and is also offensive to those whose identity differs from the status quo.

I'm writing this on my hand...with the aforementioned sharpie. Useful in a number of circumstances.

I also like 'Oh I haven't decided yet...is that OK?' with a sad expression while looking at the floor.

Her opinion is as valid as anybody else's and if people find it offensive then it's up to them to deal with

Haha, that's comedy gold.

Oh, wait, you were serious weren't you.

I'm sure there'll be a lot of interesting stuff to discuss with these people. If anything potentially 'outing' comes up, just smile and nod. I would find it hard to keep from speaking the truth in that scenario, so mouth firmly closed is the only way to avoid potentially throwing a grenade into the discussion. I would just accept the she/her on the badge. And don't have any alcohol!

I’d waffle a lot around with some safe sentences.

Oh dear! I always worry so much about pronouns. I’m afraid that people will feel pressured to use them and worry about getting it wrong offending or outing people. It’s such a worry.

Realistically, the choice you will have to make is display the badge or not. I’d turn it round if it were me.

No one is going to actually require you comment on it all.

'I'm outside the western invented binery system' could be an excellent thing to to say to someone offering me a badge. I could just storm off angrily afterwards. Thanks for your help!

I think i'm brave enough to ask some strategic questions/innocent statements if anyone has any clever ones.

I think you'll find that women being treated as chattels has everything to do with sex and bugger all to do with 'identity'.

If someone printed she/her on my work badge I'd be deleting it with a sharpie pen. I've got zero time for this shit. I just got into a similar argument on a university course I paid to go on. I absolutely forbade them to put my pronouns on my badge and refused to tell them what my pronouns were.

If it’s not a work thing you don’t have to wear the name badge.

I think you are overthinking a bit if you feel you need to go I’d just wear something subtle in green/white/purple and ignore the name badge and all pronoun requests.

I would take my own name badge and say “oh I can’t use the ones with pins / the sticky ones because my top is made of a delicate fabric so I brought my own.”

Let's face it, if it's anything like most conferences I go to the topics of conversation will be: the weather, where you've come from, what you do for work, what you thought of the last talk, and maybe from a few very keen people some in depth discussion around the industry and latest developments.

The overall theme will be "boring but it's better than being in the office".

There's really no need to be tying yourself in knots and thinking up elaborate strategies to avoid conversations about something that is supremely unlikely to actually come up in conversation.

Or “I can’t wear a lanyard because the cord irritates my skin for some reason”

And don’t get into the argument with people at an event like this. Tackle it with dsis another day

It sounds like I definately need to take a sharpie with me, I dont work for Sharpie LTD I swear, Other permenant pens are available.

All this is making it sound like such fun to go now.

That's brilliant!