Advice please - TIM teacher just arrived at DD’s school

[KnottyAuty]

DD reports that the new teacher has asked to be referred to as she/her and Ms Smith. They are obviously male. DD isn’t happy about the power imbalance of potential behaviour points and detentions for non compliance.

I’ve got no idea how to advice DD how to handle this but obviously know from reading here that using this language is a safeguarding problem. Ms Smith should follow the same rules as all the other male teachers. If everyone must use this language, then it looks like the school is unable to tolerate GC beliefs.

Suggesting that DD respectfully avoids pronouns doesn’t seem workable as using the teacher’s name will include “Miss”….

Is there a gender neutral way of referring to a teacher like “Professor”?!

What do I advise DD so she can work within her GC beliefs? And what should I write to the school to say about this?

eta clarification

Interesting one! My general policy is that I respect an individual’s wishes in terms of what they want to be called. It’s the use of female only spaces and the more general policing of language and determination to erase the existence of biological women in that (people with cervixes; chest feeding, etc) which is where I fight my battles.

I should have said it’s a girl’s school. I’ve never thought about this much but the idea of an authority figure insisting on preferred pronouns, in an environment potentially ripe for ROGD is what’s challenging me..

Maybe explain to her that pronouns aren't a belief system but rather a social convention that signals respect for other's people's dignity as in their right to choices regardless if you agree with them or not.

Quite a useful lesson in the social contract one would rationally think.

You are wrong.

Enforcing the use of pronouns as part of the cult of ‘gender identity’ is very much enforcing a contested belief system on others. To do so to children is a massive safeguarding issue.

Absolutely! We are all down with that.

But what about the respect and social contract the other way? Healthy boundaries bounded in mutual trust and respect?

How do we strike a balance?

She calls them Ms Smith. It’s about respect, not anything else.

when my sister who is a teacher got married she shared the news with her pupils and explained that although she was now Mrs X, professionally she wanted to stay as Miss Y. Everyone did it out of respect. You can respect someone while holding different beliefs to them.

What "healthy boundaries"?

Sure - it’s a very diverse and multicultural school. It happens all the time already - no one is forced to practice the religion of others etc.

DD’s beliefs preclude the use of “Miss”. It would be somewhat rude imo to say “Mr”. What’s a polite compromise?

Teacher Smith, Professor Smith should be fine no?

We talked that through considering “Ms” as that’s the “blurred” version. It would be polite but unfortunately it wouldn’t be GC enough for us to live with

A male teacher telling female students that they must use female pronouns is not a ‘social convention that signals respect for other people’s dignity’ at all - its forcing your beliefs on other people in a situation where there’s a power imbalance and is coercive to say the least.
Language matters!

Will DD actually need to say a name at all? If she needs teacher's attention, can't she say "excuse me?"

Your daughter calls them Ms because that’s what is respectful. I have a colleague who is very pro a cause I am against (I won’t mention exactly which because it will derail the thread massively). I am still respectful to her and her beliefs because that’s how you can function in society.

Fine in third person - what about in class as a direct address?

Not respectful at all - coercive.

I wouldn’t use a name to address them at all - ‘excuse me’ will suffice.

Smithy?

I agree with this.

What if the student refers to her/his particularly butch female teacher as 'Sir'? By your logic their 'belief system' shouldn't be compromised….power imbalance & all that….

I would prioritise my dc getting an education and not getting the grief that would come from making a stand.
I'm sure she could use the title when she can't avoid it while inwardly rolling her eyes.

I would use it directly. It's respectful and she could do this with all teachers if she doesn't want to make a distinction.

School convention is Miss or Mr for direct address which is a bit limiting… we’ve found ways to be polite and respectful but sec realist for all other cases

But they're a female teacher as you state, so why would she do that?

I disagree. I am gender critical, I don’t agree with the use of single sex spaces by men. But I also think that if someone asks to be called something you should abide by that because it’s respect for them as a person and seeing them as more than how they identify. Surely the issue is with the agenda of trans women using single sex spaces, not with the existence of trans people at all?