Advice please - TIM teacher just arrived at DD’s school

[KnottyAuty]

DD reports that the new teacher has asked to be referred to as she/her and Ms Smith. They are obviously male. DD isn’t happy about the power imbalance of potential behaviour points and detentions for non compliance.

I’ve got no idea how to advice DD how to handle this but obviously know from reading here that using this language is a safeguarding problem. Ms Smith should follow the same rules as all the other male teachers. If everyone must use this language, then it looks like the school is unable to tolerate GC beliefs.

Suggesting that DD respectfully avoids pronouns doesn’t seem workable as using the teacher’s name will include “Miss”….

Is there a gender neutral way of referring to a teacher like “Professor”?!

What do I advise DD so she can work within her GC beliefs? And what should I write to the school to say about this?

eta clarification

What about Mx? That would seem to fit here.

your DD cannot be compelled to use Miss/Ms/Mrs and or She/Her if they do not want to. The school cannot compel it, the teacher cannot. Government ministers have confirmed this.

Well all know that pronouns are rohypnol.

Your DD can be kind, polite but not bend to gender ideology and the school and teacher cannot do anything about it.

Your DD will in fact be an inspiration to all the other pupils who do not want to comply with an ideology either.

Cool

Now can you do elements of coercive control?

How do you apply it to a teacher -student transactional relationship?

An adult obtains a position of power and authority by choosing to gain employment in a female single sex school.

His role design results in being in charge of the supply of service and have an input into the grading and ranking the individual student output.

He being of the other sex requires students to comply with his self belief that he is female and of the same sex as the student.

Very few trans women cut off their penis (is it not something like >80% keep it). A lot of them like having a penis for their 'euphoria boners'.

OP does not say what age her daughter is. As a contrary teen I would have delighted in addressing this bloke as MISS Smith with particularly sarcastic emphasis on the Miss. Many parents reported on a thread recently that younger teens are now dismissing NB/trans woo as tedious attentioin-seeking nonsense. Miss Smith might find a room full of sneering disdainful teenage girls less fun than he imagined.

But does the colleague require you to repeatedly voice support for the cause with which you actually disagree? If not, it’s not the same at all.

Requiring pupils to repeatedly deny what they see as reality, in a situation where there’s a power imbalance, is unacceptable imo. I’m not suggesting they go out of their way to upset the trans teacher by calling them "Mr", but having to call someone you know is male "Ms" is not just "showing respect", it’s a positive action that validates unreality.

@KnottyAuty

My compromise would be to purposely never address the teacher with a male or female title. This to me would be fine as I would not be outwardly accepting what is untrue, but it is also respectful in that it is not needlessly insisting upon a title which may upset the teacher.

”Excuse me” is a perfect way to do this, and won’t be noticed.
I’m I am a teacher abroad and we use a gender neutral Prof, but many children just raise their hand or come and talk to me, so I wouldn’t bat an eye if they choose not to use my name.

Should your daughter have to talk about the teacher in 3rd person then Teacher …… should be fine and if questioned she should say that she feels that addressing the teacher in this way is a respectful compromise for everyone .

Even though objectively it is your daughter who has to do most of the leg work here, I would tell her that sticking to principles often requires effort , especially when your ideals go against the mainstream but that if she compromises politely then she won’t have to put in the massive amount of energy it takes to go against things entirely.

Obviously if she thinks that it’s worth the energy and effort to be able to state what is reality, so address this teacher as a male, then that would be her (your ) choice, but it wouldn’t be for me.

I think that your daughter either moves to another class, or you get agreement from the Head that she is allowed to use a different title. I don't love Mx (mix), but it's probably your best option here, as it's popular with the "queer community" so is the one the teacher is least likely to get worked up about. But of course the teacher will be very resistant to not being called Miss, so your daughter and you will need to be strong and persistent.

The teacher will probably be on the eagle-eyed look-out for anyone who's avoiding using Miss, so I doubt that "excuse me" would work long term.

OP hasn’t said that their DD will be sanctioned for incorrect use or lack of use, merely that they imagine they might be.

Until then, nothing is being enforced, and avoiding addressing the teacher is both a possible and reasonable approach.

I have got carried away @KnottyAuty

Reasons Why a Pupil Should Not and Cannot Be Compelled to Use Wrong-Sex Pronouns

Gender identity is a subjective belief system and ideology, not an objective fact It is contested and not shared by the majority of people, who recognise sex as binary and immutable. Compelling anyone, especially a pupil in a school setting, to use pronouns or titles that contradict biological sex amounts to forced participation. This violates legal protections, safeguarding principles, and basic human rights....

Point by point....

1. It Enforces a Contested Belief System on Others

Gender identity is an ideology akin to a religious or philosophical belief, not a universal truth. Forcing pupils to use wrong sex pronouns requires them to affirm and participate in this belief, even if they hold gender-critical views. Schools cannot compel adherence to one ideology while ignoring others, as this discriminates against GC beliefs, which are protected under equality laws.
In an our society, no one is forced to practice or affirm others' religions or ideologies, so a pupil isn't required to recite prayers or affirm supernatural claims. Just the same, GC pupils should not be coerced into affirming that a male can be a woman, as this erodes mutual respect and tolerance.

2. Power Imbalance and Coercion Make It Abusive

Teachers hold authority over pupils, with the ability to issue detentions, behavior points, or other punishments for non compliance. This creates a coercive environment where pupils fear repercussions for not participating in the teacher's ideology, turning education into indoctrination.
Such compulsion is Orwellian, compelling people to parrot lies as truth under threat, which undermines free thought and expression. It's not voluntary politeness but enforced speech, which can lead to broader societal harm, like court cases where victims are forced to use wrong-sex pronouns for their abusers.

3. Safeguarding Risks to Children

Requiring pupils to ignore their senses (spotting a male in the females) dulls instincts and teaches them to disregard potential threats, which is a major safeguarding failure. This is especially dangerous in a girls' school, where an authority figure insisting on female pronouns could normalise boundary violations and increase vulnerability to grooming or exploitation.

Pronouns act like Rohypnol, numbing natural perceptions of sex differences. Forcing this on children prioritises an adult's feelings over pupils' safety and mental well-being, distracting from learning and causing cognitive dissonance.

4. Legal and Policy Protections Prohibit Compulsion

No one can be legally compelled to use preferred pronouns if it conflicts with their beliefs. Government guidance and ministers have confirmed that schools cannot enforce this, as it violates protections for philosophical beliefs under human rights laws. Pupils have the right to express GC views without punishment, and schools must accommodate this, not suppress it.
If a school enforces wrong-sex pronouns, it signals intolerance for GC beliefs, breaching equality duties.

5. It Undermines Education and Mental Focus

Pupils are in school to learn, not navigate ideological minefields. Constant mental gymnastics, avoiding natural language or forcing unnatural pronouns diverts energy from education and creates unnecessary stress. This is amplified in a power-imbalanced setting, where fear of punishment could lead to self-censorship or isolation from peers.

6. Majority Non Agreement and Broader Societal Harm

Most people do not subscribe to gender ideology - surveys show widespread recognition of sex as binary. Compelling minority beliefs on the majority erodes social harmony, as it prioritizes one group's demands over others'. This can lead to resentment, as the ideology requires everyone to play along and be nice unlike other beliefs that don't demand universal participation.
It sets a precedent for further issues, such as males accessing female spaces which directly impacts safety and privacy. In a girls' school, hiring a male teacher who demands female pronouns already blurs these boundaries. I see red flags.

7. Anti-Science and Morally Dubious

Sex is a biological fact, not a feeling. Forcing pupils to affirm otherwise promotes anti science rubbish, teaching them to lie about observable reality. This is morally wrong, as it prioritises adult validation over children's truthfulness and development.

This is absolute garbage. You as a parent should be rejecting this at the highest level for all these reasons.

This is before we ask what the schools policy is about trans identifying males in a female only school? I assume you have asked....

you do not need agreement or permission from anyone, least of all the head.

I am not saying this is the case for all trans-identifying people or even trans-identifying men/males - but it is quite commonly reported within the trans community itself that leaning into a trans identity via consuming sexually-explicit content, frequently including content containing other paraphilias, cements/solidifies the trans identity and becomes a cycle. This is something I learnt from reading social media posts by trans people enthusiastically sharing memes/experiences - not GC people.

We know from observing other patterns of sexually-explicit content consumption (e.g., straight men watching increasingly violent porn) that there is often a ratchet effect, and the viewer's brain demands more and more extreme content; to me it would be more surprising if trans content did not follow a similar pattern.

I don't see why they can't just be respectful and call them what they request. It's just politeness. It doesn't mean you have to believe the person has actually changed sex.

I mean I think it would be better if they just used first names like they do in further and HE.

Well think about what will happen. Teacher arrives and tells everyone to call him Miss. All the other girls do so. Your daughter calls him Mx. He tells her off. She explains in front of the class that she refuses to call him Miss because of her gender critical beliefs - he is not actually the woman he says he is. He disciplines her and/or complains to the Head. The Head summons DD for a meeting. Or you complain to the Head that she's been disciplined. Head summons you for a meeting. All of that is fine, but will require real courage from your DD and there's more room for something going wrong (eg DD gets upset and is rude to the teacher). Talking to the Head in advance, allowing the Head to look at the legal position on this (which you'll "remind" them of) and to argue it out with you and to explain it to the teacher, with the approach from teacher and your DD being agreed in advance, would make things easier.

knotty

There may be no other option for you DD except to avoid using pronouns and to use the generic 'teacher' if needed.

I wonder if this video is helpful in sorting out your thoughts.

https://x.com/KnownHeretic/status/1925636096576070118

The tweet with it is :

"Be wary of those trying to bypass or hijack your instincts. Our higher brain functions like abstract thinking sometimes actually disrupt our ability to remain grounded in our bodies and responsive to our instincts. But we need our instincts just as much as ever, if not more."

An earlier tweet of hers was in response to the twitter discussion earlier in the year of using pronouns. This is it below:

"Using wrong sex pronouns is not benign, neither is signal deception when it comes to sex.

Sex deceivers are a danger to society.

Sex recognition is our most primal survival instinct and those who try to disrupt, confuse, or otherwise obfuscate our ability to trust this instinct are abusively eroding our social safeguarding capacities.

Integrity in communication is an instinct for all animals. It is a natural response to expose deception in signal communication. Normalizing sex deception damages the health of the society for reasons of both safety and procreation. For the sake of societal health, it behooves us all to expose and call out sex frauds when we see them. This behavior is antisocial and antisafeguarding."

https://x.com/KnownHeretic/status/1889779668099932364

I’m probably going to get flamed for this, but you keep saying “we” and “us”.

Is your daughter definitely gender critical, or is this coming from you?

Avoidance is the safer way to go. I couldn't call a male person Miss or Ms, and your daughter shouldn't have to either.

'Excuse me' should work for direct address, and if she has to talk about this person she could say 'my English teacher' or whatever it might be. Pronouns can be avoided altogether.

There's an argument that calling this person he/Mr to his face, as reflects reality, might upset him and should be avoided. Fair enough. But he can't compel people to address him in the way he wants either, even if they're young people. Demanding Miss is no different than demanding they say 'your Majesty' or 'my Lord'. Very unreasonable.

I agree that Mx would be an option. Doesnt denote male or female. I suggested it earlier too

@DiscoBob please see my 7 detailed points above about why people should not be coerced in their behaviour. Happy to expand any of them

This has the potential for problems if the teacher is likely to be upset by mistakes, even if they are genuine.
I was a teacher and I used to get called all sorts. Miss "wrong teachers name", the odd "Sir", even "mum".

I'd be thinking to avoid confrontation and just not call the teacher anything at all. That's more easily done if it's a once-a-week subject lesson. Trickier if they're a form tutor.

That very public scenario results in both the teacher and the head being fired in the current UK environment.

Is that how you would have behaved [do behave?] as a student?

I think you need to go in and speak to the school. Your DD is completely within her rights not to address a male using female terms. The teacher should respect that and a number of solutions could be worked through, e.g., using "please" or "excuse me" instead of a gendered title like Miss or Ms; the teacher accepting "Mr" from students who don't subscribe to his belief system. Alternatively your DD could be moved to a different form group so they don't interact.

This is a good guide SSSIS.