Trans men and the menopause

[Senso]

Hello. I’m new here and am looking for information and support.

My DP’s niece is 21 and in the process of transitioning from “her” to “they” to “him”. Currently she is “they”.

Whilst I’m glad they have the support they need from the family, it worries me greatly that the effects on the body are not being properly understood. IMO they are too young to fully grasp the enormity of the road ahead given that they are biologically female.

As a perimenopausal woman myself, I know that one simply does not fully comprehend just how big a change it is until you are going through it yourself. DP certainly does not but he is a man after all. However his sister has gone through menopause so she has experienced it.

I realise that it is not my place to say too much of my own personal opinion and DP’s sister is frankly a nightmare to deal with at the best of times so mostly I keep quiet. But I have made it clear to DP that whilst I am supportive of his niece on a human level, I will not collude in the delusion that she will ever be anything other than biologically female.

what worries me the most is the hormones. We know how they change the body and I cannot fathom how DPs sister isn’t more concerned about what will happen to her biologically female child when the time comes for a woman to go through the biggest hormonal change since puberty.

any advice welcome. TIA

I feel for you - it’s such a terrible thing to have to watch happen. I guess all you can do is to try and communicate what you know to your relatives and hope for the best. Sadly it may result in SiL wanting to cut you off but in your position I might feel that was worth it to have done my best to warn dniece about what she’s doing to herself. This ideology literally rips families apart - it’s just awful.

Are the grandparents involved in the conversation at all? Might they have a relationship with DN where they could at least suggest she holds off for a bit to build her bone strength/gain maturity if fully briefed by you?

Both sides of grandparents are no longer alive. DN grew up in a chaotic environment where her mother had an overly intense relationship with DN’s older “golden child” brother and was very much the scapegoat child. Her mother is almost fanatical in pushing her psychological beliefs and ideology onto her children in the guise of “cultural awareness”.

The rest of the family walk on eggshells due to the mother’s emotional intensity including my DP. We have had many conversations about this where I state that whilst I will keep my opinions to myself, if put on the spot I will not collude with the madness. DP is, I am afraid to admit, not a courageous man. Time and time again I have witnessed him faking his own position for the sake of “peace”. We have been together 15 years and so I am well aware of this side of him, but the difference here is that I feel that he is actually throwing his niece under the bus just to avoid conflict with his sister. Like I said before, it is making me question our relationship going forward.

This whole thing feels like a massive experiment conducted by “clever clever”people who are using children to push their own agenda to prove some sort of misguided point. Meanwhile these poor brainwashed children are paying the price for this arrogance

Menopause occurs immediately female hormones are suppressed. Inducing menopause in a healthy young woman isn't treatment or health care. Can you imagine the damage to her bones apart from anything else?

Female eastern European athletes who were doped with testosterone in the last century suffered terrible consequences and often an early death. Female bodies need female hormones to be healthy.

It's ironic that just as we are starting to understand the full impact of menopause young women are deliberately choosing to have this inflicted on them.

I suppose the question is - can you live with yourself if you don’t intervene? I say this as someone who is in a similar situation (close friends child). It’s like watching a car crash in slow motion. I have said as much as I can I think without alienating them. I was very frank in early days. I refuse to use prefer pronouns but will use neutral ones. It’s just heartbreaking

Sorry, no, putting massive doses of testosterone into a female body basically accelerates the girl/ woman into menopause. For example, vaginal & uterine atrophy & all their attendant risks & disbenefits aren't bugs of this drug regime, they're features.

IDK why you'd assume medical advance in this field. Just as an eg; surgeons have been remodelling mens' gentials since the early 20th century & have not yet bothered to produce one piece of "vaginoplasty" research fit for Cochrane Review, nor have they developed any surgical standards for anything other than "no-depth vulvaplasty". This area of "medicine" is the Wild West, do not expect improvement.

This, why is it that they don't want to see any of the info out there that discusses the concerns? 5 or so years ago, I would have felt sympathy, but now, less so.
Some of these transitioners are so vocal re BIGOT! TERF!! I will ruin your life if you don't submit....I have compassion fatigue.

Doubt that it will ever be possible to replace mammary glands or restore fertility to a body flooded with an opposite sex hormone. But never mind, because sexual pleasure will also be a closed book. Has no-one explained all this to OP's DP's niece?

It's such a shame your niece is not getting mental health support to help her to work out why she wants to run away from the person she is.
I'm sure younger people would be more resilient if society encouraged self-appreciation and care rather than sold the idea that delusions are real.
You can only voice your concerns for her health from a position of loving her, then step back (you haven't caused this!).

This is it though. She IS getting support but in the sense of supporting her desire to transition regardless of the actual physical consequences. I really consider it to be a form of severe mental disorder but if I even dare gently suggest - to her mother, not DN - that there are forms of support available to help her understand deeper why she feels like she is a man and not a woman, it is met with hostility and aggression. DP is useless and freezes during these conversations. A rabbit caught in headlights. I am beginning to really lose respect for him and it is affecting our entire relationship

Is that really true that it affects sexual pleasure? I though testosterone enhanced sex drive for both men and women

This!! As a woman with adhd and endo and menopausal, I have days where I feel less feminine so it has a huge effect on my MH someone definitely needs to connect the dots. I also work in SEN and it’s like a pandemic of “trans” teens in our school. All autistic!

Possibly in very small doses, but in the large doses designed to bring about physical changes to make a female appear more masculine as it cause vaginal and uterine atrophy, that also causes severe pain when having sex or orgasm after a shortish period of time - maybe a couple of years.

There are quite a few instances reported (obviously there are huge attempts to suppress all negative info by trans activists and some even warn patients against looking for full information) of the vaginal and uterine atrophy getting so painful after 5 years that the only option is a hysterectomy.

Many girls also report clitoral overgrowth that happens quite quickly (within months). This means that the tender area protrudes from underwear and causes chafing etc which can again be very painful.

The promotion of phalloplasty in the NHS has thankfully gone a bit quiet. A couple of years ago they were opening a hospital dedicated to such procedures. These have been openly promoted at medical conferences in America as being a great profit generator due to the eye wateringly high complication rate - from memory 75+% .

Obviously the US pharmaceutical companies (2 headed up by trans identifying men (‘transwomen’) sell a lot of their drugs and services to the NHS and have pumped a lot of money into ‘marketing’ trans as a concept across Europe.

Scott Newgent is a campaigner on this and is very open about her experiences and wish to prevent other girls making the same mistakes she did. Obviously she receives cj stand threats and abuse from the trans activists who want her to be quiet.

@Senso loss of oestrogen can also cause incontinence....imagine being a 21 year person trying to find your life partner whilst experiencing incontinence and painful atrophy....neither conducive to sex as many post childbirth/older women know too well! Whereas someone given adequate mental health support may come to realise and accept they are who they are and someone will love them regardless of their identity. Having excess testosterone also can cause mood changes (irritability, mood swings,anxiety) in women...knowing the emotional lability of ADHD'ers , having a teen with it and being used to that extreme rollercoaster, this would also be a concern .

No, it will happen pretty much immediately if she takes testosterone. So the risk of skeletal damage etc. is very high.

women start to lose bone mass from the age of 30/35 whilst bone density is built up til your mid 20's....that early 1/3 of your life is incredibly important in determining what happens to you from peri menopause onwards. It's not a case of imagining we will be able to rebuild damaged skeletons in the future and guess what, the treatment for under 50's is generally taking oestrogen!!

Also bear in mind that many trans charities signpost to Gendergp which has deliberately set up an complex international legal structure to evade U.K. drug regulation and has given puberty blockers and hormones to children with either zero or minimal medical supervision - at one time they would sign up any child with access to a credit card as a ‘secret shopper’ discovered.

I have linked to the BBC article for speed but it is worth reading up on the court documents etc in this as the BBC have played it down because they are utterly biased in this area. This girls life was put at risk. Unfortunately she is not just an extreme outlier, the system is set up to create more cases like hers. This was just one that came to public attention.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-68944273?app-referrer=deep-link

But the effect of testosterone on the female reproductive system causes atrophy e.g. of the vagina. Removal of breast tissue removes sensation from that area as well. Removing the female external sex organs and attempting to give a woman a penis can cause septicaemia etc. If the clitoris is interfered with - and it is purely an organ for pleasure (which is why it is removed in FGM) - and the vagina atrophied then there are no pleasure sites left.
Testosterone given in large quantities to women sterilizes them and removes sexual function.
Sex drive is not the same as having sexual pleasure.

A very small amount can enhance female pleasure, within normal female limits.

From what I’ve read/ heard, large amounts overly and permanently enlarge the clitoris (which can become very uncomfortable in day to day life, especially with low oestrogen) and triggers extremely painful uterine cramping, especially after an orgasm.

From what I’ve personally been learning about perimenopause and female hormones, the rise of testosterone naturally each month with ovulation helps bone density along with natural progesterone and natural oestrogen and of course physical activity that stimulates bone.

However, these hormones are suppressed with cancer drugs/ puberty blockers and hysterectomies thus risking bone density. This is a huge concern for much older women who have to have these drugs due to breast cancer.

it should be a huge concern for young women too.

(I’ve had Bc and am now more aware of all these issues as I’m on tamoxifen and of course worry about bone density when everyone around me is happily waving their hrt prescriptions.)

Posting this again, and flagging up that the author went through cancer treatment as a young woman and sees the correlations clearly

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2025.2531167

Wow that is frightening @WarriorN

I mean, even if you didn’t detransition those issues are all just as relevant and debilitating for those that remain trans. What a life :-(
I hope that the world wakes up soon.

i lost a friend in 2020 when i liked a JKR tweet (“never contact me or my family again”) and was so upset to be accused of ‘hate’ towards her and her trans child (as far as she was concerned just the liking of the tweet comprised a hateful act). Now I am doubly upset to think what her child will go through, and I just can’t fathom it. I really really can’t ☹️

There appears to be some autism or ADHD or mental health issue or eating disorder or loathing or being scared of becoming what the body is - female. So they or them or cutting bits off and saying she is he, is a way of sticking head in the sand and ignoring or postponing. Mental health support is what is needed though.

I think in many cases where the person has autism, they (are encouraged to) attribute their feeling different/like they don’t fit in, as due to the fact they’re trans, rather than accepting it’s a feature of autism. As vulnerable people, they’re ripe for exploitation by the movement.

@Sensoplease listen to this podcast nutmeg posted. I listened to it this week, and Elaine Miller, pelvic health physiotherapist and very funny woman talks about the effects of different hormones on the female body, including lack of oestrogen and addition of exogenous testosterone. She handles the subject honestly and with compassion and I too learned a lot about my pelvic floor that I didn’t know before!