Trans men and the menopause

[Senso]

Hello. I’m new here and am looking for information and support.

My DP’s niece is 21 and in the process of transitioning from “her” to “they” to “him”. Currently she is “they”.

Whilst I’m glad they have the support they need from the family, it worries me greatly that the effects on the body are not being properly understood. IMO they are too young to fully grasp the enormity of the road ahead given that they are biologically female.

As a perimenopausal woman myself, I know that one simply does not fully comprehend just how big a change it is until you are going through it yourself. DP certainly does not but he is a man after all. However his sister has gone through menopause so she has experienced it.

I realise that it is not my place to say too much of my own personal opinion and DP’s sister is frankly a nightmare to deal with at the best of times so mostly I keep quiet. But I have made it clear to DP that whilst I am supportive of his niece on a human level, I will not collude in the delusion that she will ever be anything other than biologically female.

what worries me the most is the hormones. We know how they change the body and I cannot fathom how DPs sister isn’t more concerned about what will happen to her biologically female child when the time comes for a woman to go through the biggest hormonal change since puberty.

any advice welcome. TIA

@Senso
Having read the thread Senso it seems that many posters are urging you to take a position on this, in the hope that you can prevent your niece from going down this path which may harm her in the medium and long term.
None of the information is incorrect in my view, taking cross sex hormones is not the panacea that people are led to believe (particularly unhappy, vulnerable people). But people believe what they want to believe. And in my experience, raising the contraindications of cross sex hormone treatment just alienates you from the person who wants to engage with it. They won't want that info, and if you force them to face it, you become the bad guy. It sounds like in your family, that wouldn't just be for the young person in question, but everyone involved.
Unfortunately you can't stop this young girl on her journey, even with all the info at your fingertips.
It's good that you're looking out for her, and you have an understanding of the down sides, but you can't support her out of this hole until she's ready to leave.

Unfortunately you can't stop this young girl on her journey, even with all the info at your fingertips.
Maybe not but I still think it is worth trying. A different scenario entirely but when I was her age I was in a very toxic relationship. Family members who saw red flags did not say anything as they thought they would not change my mind. Fast forward a few years when it all fell apart, I wish they had said something. I was young and very naive but I would have realised that not everyone saw things the way I saw them. That is useful information to have.

I’ve just listened to the podcast about the effects of testosterone on women and it is a really good, informative and measured listen, but at the same time horrifying and depressing to think what women are putting themselves through.

A neutral and supportive conversation with your DP's sister would be to ask if she's found the reddit "r/ftm", especially the many posts there about the effects of testosterone - you yourself should have a good read, if you haven't already. Then you can express that you are concerned for her (your SiL) as you know she's got to be prepared to see her beloved (presumably!) daughter change (get acne, put on weight, grow a beard and learn how to manage an atrophied vagina and an enlarged clitoris). And you can see that this may well be very hard for her. And make sure you drop into your message/conversation that you've learnt which of the effects are not reversible (find out, if you haven't already). If DP's sister hasn't yet done her research, it'll be one hell of an eye-opener. It's up to her to talk to her daughter about whether they're fully informed about the reality. Reddit "r/ftm" is first-hand experiences, not a medical website couching everything in neutral language. The posters thereon are talking about their struggles. DP should be sat down to read it too. The family ought to know the intimate bodily details of how hard this is going to be. No-one can turn on you or badmouth you for suggesting consulting an F-to-M resource!

Should have said, if you're not familiar with reddit, once you're into r/ftm, type "testosterone" into the search bar.