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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Teacher asked DD how she IDs

161 replies

S1894PCohen · 01/10/2025 16:40

My DD is a tomboy - short hair and trousers all the way - but has always been very clear that she's a girl. While I respect how other people want to live their lives and their right to believe whatever bollocks they like, I don't do gender ideology and neither does she.
Ever since she's started secondary school, she's been asked by other kids if she's trans. It boils my piss and I've contacted the school about it but she tends to just tell people she's a girl and shrugs it off as she doesn't want to make a fuss.
However this week she was mistaken for a boy by a teacher. When she and her pals told her she was, in fact, a girl, the teacher took her aside at the end of the class and asked "how she identified" and if she'd "ever identified as anything other than a girl". DD says this teacher flies a pink and blue flag above her desk...
I am livid - it's bad enough DD gets this shit from other kids, let alone a teacher. I've no doubt the teacher thinks she's "being kind" but I feel her behaviour is steeped in reactionary gender stereotypes. I'm minded to complain - WWYD?

OP posts:
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TwoLoonsAndASprout · 02/11/2025 18:41

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Wrong thread?

ToWhitToWhoo · 02/11/2025 19:56

TwoLoonsAndASprout · 02/11/2025 18:41

Wrong thread?

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Yes, sorry. Will ask for it to be taken down.

NotTheSameTwentyFourHours · 02/11/2025 20:27

S1894PCohen · 01/10/2025 17:22

OK, but she'd already "misgendered" DD by calling her a boy and she'd been put right. It should have been left there.
She's not the first teacher to have mistaken DD for a boy but she is the first to have subjected her to further questioning about her gender ID instead of just accepting she got it wrong.

Show quote history

Honestly it sounds as though she was being rather excessively nosey and trying to pry some kind of very personal confession out of her for vicarious enjoyment or in order to make a project of her...

NotTheSameTwentyFourHours · 02/11/2025 20:36

S1894PCohen · 09/10/2025 15:13

Hello,

I have an update: the school has agreed that the teacher's conduct was totally inappropriate and unacceptable. They have apologised profusely and assured us that it will never happen again.
My daughter had a chance to spell out exactly how the teacher's behaviour made her feel and the teacher has been spoken to by the SLT and reminded of professional standards and safeguarding obligations.
I also had a chance to discuss RHSE in general - I'm awaiting further information on if/how they teach gender identity theory but it does not feel at this stage that I'm dealing with a captured organisation.

Thanks so much for the helpful and supportive comments and advice - it made a difficult situation feel much more manageable.

Oops just noticed that this is all resolved and to some degree a "zombie thread".

ScrollingLeaves · 02/11/2025 23:48

S1894PCohen · 01/10/2025 16:40

My DD is a tomboy - short hair and trousers all the way - but has always been very clear that she's a girl. While I respect how other people want to live their lives and their right to believe whatever bollocks they like, I don't do gender ideology and neither does she.
Ever since she's started secondary school, she's been asked by other kids if she's trans. It boils my piss and I've contacted the school about it but she tends to just tell people she's a girl and shrugs it off as she doesn't want to make a fuss.
However this week she was mistaken for a boy by a teacher. When she and her pals told her she was, in fact, a girl, the teacher took her aside at the end of the class and asked "how she identified" and if she'd "ever identified as anything other than a girl". DD says this teacher flies a pink and blue flag above her desk...
I am livid - it's bad enough DD gets this shit from other kids, let alone a teacher. I've no doubt the teacher thinks she's "being kind" but I feel her behaviour is steeped in reactionary gender stereotypes. I'm minded to complain - WWYD?

Isn’t it against guidance for schools to promote sex stereotypes?

What an interfering, dangerous teacher.

ScrollingLeaves · 02/11/2025 23:49

Sorry. Please ignore. This thread was over with.

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 03/11/2025 09:40

S1894PCohen · 09/10/2025 15:13

Hello,

I have an update: the school has agreed that the teacher's conduct was totally inappropriate and unacceptable. They have apologised profusely and assured us that it will never happen again.
My daughter had a chance to spell out exactly how the teacher's behaviour made her feel and the teacher has been spoken to by the SLT and reminded of professional standards and safeguarding obligations.
I also had a chance to discuss RHSE in general - I'm awaiting further information on if/how they teach gender identity theory but it does not feel at this stage that I'm dealing with a captured organisation.

Thanks so much for the helpful and supportive comments and advice - it made a difficult situation feel much more manageable.

Curious if there was any further fall out and how official the school made this new policy if you can share?

wiffin · 03/11/2025 10:56

S1894PCohen · 01/10/2025 16:53

Hmmm but surely being told once that DD is a girl should be enough? Why mither on about gender ID? Very intrusive.

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Absolutely. People are who they say they are. And it's personal/private anyway and I didn't think were supposed to question somebodies identity. Just to accept it.

Original poster
S1894PCohen · 03/11/2025 11:14

SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 03/11/2025 09:40

Curious if there was any further fall out and how official the school made this new policy if you can share?

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Hi there,

I’ve been meaning to update so thanks for the nudge. I’ve had no further contact from the school despite their promise to send over information on what/if they teach about gender ideology in RHSE. I am not sure whether it’s reluctance or oversight - I will chase.

My daughter is no longer being taught by the teacher in question but she (the teacher) is still in the school. I don’t know whether she’s still flying the flag in her room. I did bring this up in the meeting and it was noted but I don’t yet know if anything has been done about it.

OP posts:
SingleSexSpacesInSchools · 03/11/2025 11:26

S1894PCohen · 03/11/2025 11:14

Hi there,

I’ve been meaning to update so thanks for the nudge. I’ve had no further contact from the school despite their promise to send over information on what/if they teach about gender ideology in RHSE. I am not sure whether it’s reluctance or oversight - I will chase.

My daughter is no longer being taught by the teacher in question but she (the teacher) is still in the school. I don’t know whether she’s still flying the flag in her room. I did bring this up in the meeting and it was noted but I don’t yet know if anything has been done about it.

Show quote history

thanks very much for the info appreciate it!

In my experience, and quite a few others, saying one thing and doing another is a specialism of schools, hence all the FOI nonsense and official complaints. I would insist, if you are able, to get something in writing about this, both a public policy change and of course an apology. Assume this teacher is still doing it otherwise...

BonfireLady · 03/11/2025 18:24

It's great to see your update OP. I had been wondering where things got to with the teacher's flag and it being clear (or not) on what the message was to children about gender identity at a whole-school level.

My experience is very much as SingleSex describes. My children's school has made some changes but fundamentally, they are still putting vulnerable children like my daughter at risk with how they approach gender identity.

In their case, they coerce children to believe that the only way to show someone respect or be kind to them is to validate their transgender identity. They don't accept that they need to follow the statutory safeguarding (KCSIE) guidance to differentiate between children who might be LGB from those who are gender questioning, nor do they recognise the significance of autism (part of this same section of KCSIE) and how it can become conflated with gender identity. They also have no interest in the Cass Report (referenced in this section of KCSIE..).

Plus they allow staff to freely express their gender identity belief to children, similar to your flag bearing teacher. Without clear evidence to the contrary, if I were in your shoes I would be sceptical that the school has a good handle on this, based on what you've said.

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