Teacher asked DD how she IDs

[S1894PCohen]

My DD is a tomboy - short hair and trousers all the way - but has always been very clear that she's a girl. While I respect how other people want to live their lives and their right to believe whatever bollocks they like, I don't do gender ideology and neither does she.
Ever since she's started secondary school, she's been asked by other kids if she's trans. It boils my piss and I've contacted the school about it but she tends to just tell people she's a girl and shrugs it off as she doesn't want to make a fuss.
However this week she was mistaken for a boy by a teacher. When she and her pals told her she was, in fact, a girl, the teacher took her aside at the end of the class and asked "how she identified" and if she'd "ever identified as anything other than a girl". DD says this teacher flies a pink and blue flag above her desk...
I am livid - it's bad enough DD gets this shit from other kids, let alone a teacher. I've no doubt the teacher thinks she's "being kind" but I feel her behaviour is steeped in reactionary gender stereotypes. I'm minded to complain - WWYD?

It is quite, quite true that you absolutely shouldn't push your ideology onto children.

Which is precisely why the OPs - frankly alarming - syntax needs calling out.

Surely this is a safeguarding issue?

I wonder if the conversation has been recorded on SIMS or what other data system they use.

There is no reason for a teacher to ask about gender ID. Gender ID doesn't appear in the Equality Act. So why is the teacher collecting that information?

What are they going to do with it? The school has to comply with the data Protection Act. Personal data can only be collected for specific reasons, must be accurate and you, crucially, need to give permission for that processing.

The standard data schools collect is things like name, parent/guardian name, address, phone number, sex, any medical issues / allergies, the marks awarded for exams etc.

You seem to have a problem with comprehension. Let me make it clearer for you. Gender identity ideology/theory lacks a scientific basis and does not form part of any UK law. I think it’s bollocks but I respect your right to believe in it. Does that help?

I think the poster will say that your hurty words have literally violenced them.

I’m glad you are going to complain. I fear this shit happening to my 12 year old daughter. She’s at an all girls school which can be the most toxic type of school for gender woo.

I was a short-haired tomboy at 12. My mum was a short-haired tomboy at 12 (actually sh still is at 78) My grandmother was a short-haired tomboy at 12 in th3 1930s! None of us had to put up with this pseudoscience gender ideology nonsense. I don’t see why I have to worry about an activist teacher getting their hooks into my DD.

Please please complain.
this is yet another disaster created by trans ideology.
my own daughter, 17, would love to have short hair but daren’t because of all the questions and whispering about whether she’s a boy or not which she can’t be arsed with.

No problem with comprehension at all; your mindset, particular belief system, and parenting skills are all very clearly on display in your opening post.

So glad you’re going to complain.

I doubt this will be the first or last child the teacher has done this to a child.

Tell her to identify as a person who doesn’t like people prying into none of their business. PPPNOYB!!!

I’d probably add an f word in there too but I am generation X and did give a fuck at that age and still don’t. Teachers know your place.

And you are illustrating exactly why the OP should complain.

How old is your DD? It sounds as though she is reasonably assertive and confident in her style etc. After you’ve complained about the teacher, is it worth rehearsing some lines for DD to use beyond just I’m a girl so this stuff doesn’t keep cropping up through her secondary school career?
My DS had similar the other way round for a while as he has long hair

I repeat: I respect your right to believe whatever bollocks you like.

Yes, they really are.

A mindset that believes in an individual’s right to belief, but that that has a personal belief system that clearly values science and reality over lying to children. A parent that considers safeguarding important and permits her daughter to be unashamedly herself, without suggesting she is anything other than the girl she is because she happens to like trousers and short hair. A parent that stands up for her daughter when she has been made uncomfortable by a teacher who acted in breach of guidelines.

Brava, Op 👏 best of luck with the complaint

I'm sorry you are alarmed by my syntax. Hope you're OK.

kind

😁

This woke nonsense does not belong in schools.

Methinks some posters need an emotional support pal #BeKind

My guess is that this teacher is not one who would extend a presumption to goodwill to others who had double checked the identity of a gender questioning child.

She didn’t even meet the standards of her own internal logic where you are supposed to immediately validate the child’s identity. (Otherwise they’ll commit suicide).
So she’s a hypocrite as well as everything else.

I would complain. My DD is similar with short hair and will only wear trousers. She had been called male by a teacher and some kids asked her if she was trans. I emailed the student manager to tell her to ensure no teachers call her a boy. In her case I think the teachers may have made an error and hadn’t got a clue who was in their class but again how backwards are we in 2025 that short hair and trousers = male?? When I was at school there were loads of girls with short hairstyles.

As a teacher, I once called a boy a girl because I was looking at the back of his head and he had long hair. Of course I apologised soon as he turned around!!

Mistakes can be made, as long as they are corrected. The issue I would have is that teacher questioned student afterwards, that’s where potentially a line has been crossed, if your daughter felt uncomfortable anyway?
It does sound like you take more issue with it than her though?
Let her lead on this.

She was embarrassed and furious - that's why I am complaining.

Then complain - you didn’t state that she was furious, only that YOU were.

Oh, did I not make that clear? SHE'S furious. Hope that helps.

Good for you putting in a complaint, OP. Despite some posters here tying themselves in knots trying to explain why the teacher might have persisted, she should have stopped asking once she had been told clearly that your DD was a girl and not given any further info like 'but I call myself Simon and I think I'm really a boy.'