Incident with male security guard

[Femalespaces]

My daughter works at a store within a supermarket. They have to use the public toilets. This morning she went to the toilet before her shift at like 7.30 am. Women toilets and locked in a cubicle with her lower clothes down using the toilet.
She was aware someone had come in the toilet. But all of a sudden without the door being knocked a foot appeared under the door and he opened it from the outside and opened the door. She says she screamed and pulled the handle up and said ‘what are you doing?’
As she left the toilet he tried to speak to her. She phoned me in a panic and I advised her to report it straight to her manager. She said the manager said ‘yes he does it sometimes. There is a problem with the toilets and then can lock shut with no one in them’.

Ive told my daughter this isn’t good enough. And to raise it with the manager of the store. My daughter is young (just post school age). The woman involved could have been a child or ND etc and as a woman who has been raped I feel sick. I have drafted a letter very quickly I’m at work - please can I have your advice

this is the letter I have so far
3rd September 2025

Dear Sir/Madam (The Manager) of X Supermarket at X location

This morning Wednesday 3rd September 2025, I received a very distressed phone call from my daughter X. X has recently started work at X, within the X supermarkert.
She left for work about 7.30am and before her shift upon arriving at the store she went into the FEMALE toilets at the store to use the toilets. She was in a cubicle and the cubicle was locked. She was using the toilet for intended purposes. She was aware of someone coming in after her, but could not hear what they said. The toilet door was locked.
To her horror a foot appeared under the door and then someone attempted to open it from the outside. She immediately screamed and pulled the handle up and screamed ‘what are you doing?’. The door had been opened from the outside.
The man involved was the security guard from the store.
This is totally and utterly traumatising for X who phoned me in a panic and distressed whilst I was on my way to work. Horrifyingly she immediately reported it to her manager, X at X who said ‘I don’t like it either, he does it sometimes. The toilets can get locked without anyone in it so he says he check them’.
THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE for multiple reasons.

1. Biological male are NOT allowed in FEMALE safe spaces -this is a UK Ruling
2. He opened the door on a female user when it was locked
3. This is an assault
4. It sounds like he has done this before from what DD has been told.

This is utterly terrifying. Speaking as a woman who has been sexually assaulted myself, female only spaces are protected. I can not see why a male is in there, or indeed in there at all given his position.

I need help please - help with drafting a letter
[Post edited by MNHQ to remove name]

How do you know he could see her feet?

I thought you didn’t want to scaremonger?

Yes originally had ‘if’ in it but the page keeps refreshing and losing my messages. I don’t know if he could see her feet but she saw his before the door was unlocked. This is why it is important to check sightlines to assess the situation.

For OP if you are writing a letter, the Health and Safety at Work (1974) is a legislation to quote. You need working safe facilities.

edit: refresh happened again and it lost the quote which this post was aimed at which questioned how do you know he could see her feet.

She was sitting down, he was presumably standing up so completely different angle.

Per above

And
Your daughter needs to put in an grievance.
So she needs to look at the process the employer has (if they have one)

https://www.acas.org.uk/grievance-procedure-step-by-step

She has notified her manager so that was an unofficial grievance.

This morning Wednesday 3rd September 2025 I arrived on the property at xx:xx.
[Was the store open to the public or was it just staff who can access the toilets?]

Entered through the staff enterance and went directly towards the womens/female toilets at the store.

The only provision for female staff in in the public area beside ...

[Then detail how open the space is leading up to the toilets
This is to show how a security guard should have seen DD move from the entery point to the toilet.]

The toilet block designated as a female/womens toilet consists of a door leading into a lobby and a second door? with a circulation space with 2/3/4.. lockable cubicles and a shared space with 2/3/4.. wash basins.
The cubicle has a ¾(?) door [ what size gap at the bottom? ]

[If there is a gap why did he not look along the row for her feet]

The door is fitted with a twist/turn lock which shows engaged on the external face the door.... And a handle......

The door is a inwards opening door or opening outwards into the space?

I had just (?) entered / less than (within) 20 seconds of my entering the 1/2/3rd cubicle and locking a door i heared someone coming in enter the lobby /circulation space.

The person may have called out however this was indistinct and was happening while the person moved to stand outside the cubicle I was in.

Without any attempt to directly establish if the cubicle was occupied or not the person who I subsequently identified as a male staff member proceeded to open the door from the outside by I assume disengaging the lock mechinism.

I was very shocked to see the door begin to open which resulted in my screaming and attempting to pulled the handle to hold the door closed

[This is to show the man should have felt a physical resistance to his moving the door ]

As I recovered from my shock i called out a verbal warn of ‘what are you doing?’ however by this stage the male staff member had fully opened the door to witness me in a state of undress (naked from the waist down) [ < Documenting the obvious ]

I recognised the male employee named .... who works as a/ the security guard from the store.

[Then how she got the door closed
Scrambled to redress
And came out to find he was still in the actual toilet space and had not attempted to remove himself to allow her time to compose her self
Or Finish doing what she needed to do
Or allow her wash her hands in private]

He attepted to engage me in a conversation with in the toilet area.

[Did he begin with an apology?]

I was much too upset and embarrassed and angered to respond.

[Again if he is a regular on the morning shift he should know that female staff use the toilet before shift starts and the general public arrive. ]

I immediately reported it to my manager
X at X

My manager stated that this member of staff has entered the womens toilets on a number of prior occasasions. And from the subsequent comments does not appear to have been assigned any security task within the female/womens toilets.

My Manager has also said that this staff member has reported that there is a problem with the locking mechnims on the cubicle doors and that they can selflock.

[I want the womens cubicl doors fixed so they nolonger self lock.

I want the incident investigated as to why the employee failed to make a reasonable attempt to establish the women toilet and individual cubicle was empty

From norw until the door/locks are fixed I want a female employee to check the womens toilets where possible.

I want training so that
• no male member of staff enters the women toilet unless directly instructed to do so by management
• no male member of staff opens a cubicl door
• there are proper checks [ < look for feet is a basic check]

Regulation for quoting
^https://www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/1992/3004/contents^

Failed this:
Maintenance of workplace, and of equipment, devices and systems
5.—(1) The workplace and the equipment, devices and systems to which this regulation applies shall be maintained (including cleaned as appropriate) in an efficient state, in efficient working order and in good repair.
(2) Where appropriate, the equipment, devices and systems to which this regulation applies shall be subject to a suitable system of maintenance.
(3) The equipment, devices and systems to which this regulation applies are—
(a)equipment and devices a fault in which is liable to result in a failure to comply with any of these Regulations; F1...
(b)mechanical ventilation systems provided pursuant to regulation 6 (whether or not they include equipment or devices within sub-paragraph (a) of this paragraph); F2and]
F3(c)equipment and devices intended to prevent or reduce hazards]

General obligation

Sanitary conveniences
20.—(1) Suitable and sufficient sanitary conveniences shall be provided at readily accessible places.
(2) Without prejudice to the generality of paragraph (1), sanitary conveniences shall not be suitable unless—
(a)the rooms containing them are adequately ventilated and lit;
(b)they and the rooms containing them are kept in a clean and orderly condition; and
(c)separate rooms containing conveniences are provided for men and women except where and so far as each convenience is in a separate room the door of which is capable of being secured from inside.
(3) It shall be sufficient compliance with the requirement in paragraph (1) to provide sufficient sanitary conveniences in a workplace which is not a new workplace, a modification, an extension or a conversion and which, immediately before this regulation came into force in respect of it, was subject to the provisions of the Factories Act 1961, if sanitary conveniences are provided in accordance with the provisions of Part II of Schedule 1.

There needs to be a solution that doesn't dismiss deaf and hearing impaired people. (Aside from anything else, if you can't hear that someone is banging on the door, you can't exactly prepare yourself by pulling up underwear etc.)

If someone is visible on the floor I agree the door must be opened - but if it's just a case of not answering, then a female colleague should be asked to open the door if necessary.

All of which underlines the need for properly designed cubicles, with spaces at the bottom, so it is possible to see if someone in there is in trouble!

its not the security guard's job to check the loos (unless theres a crime being committed inside)..it's the job of the cleaner...this "security guard needs sacking...contact who he actually is employed by not the store...hugs to your daughter x

Visual sweep manager/cleaner/security check of toilets.
Bend¹ or crouch² down scan along the floor until such time as one has seen each toilet has no feet or personal belongings.
• Two points of reference is to see the backwall of the cubicle and the base of the toilet

Move an reposition ones body within the open circulation space as needed.

If one is unable to carry out a sucessful check for feet or personal belongings seek out other staff members until such time as a staff member is sucessful in carrying out the visual check.

¹ please refer to H&S document H&S4Dummies (?) for instruction on how to safely bend down in a enclosed space
² please refer to H&S document H&S4Dummies (?) for instruction on how to safely crouch down in a enclosed space

I was 17 when this happened to me. There was no previous made up ‘rightful’ reason why he should’ve been there so it was the first time (as far as we know) it had happened.
I told my boss who was disgusted and thankfully supportive, she rang the police and the security guard was questioned. Cctv was checked where he could be seen waiting for his opportunity to enter the toilets. No further action but he was sacked. I actually felt guilty about that bless my cotton socks but all these years later I see it was the correct course of action.

Stand back a bit? Crouch down? Making a bit of an effort to check under the door isn't very difficult and should certainly be far higher up the list of options than "storm unannounced into the cubicle".

You need to adjust your letter to concentrate on the facts. It is not illegal for a man to enter a woman's toilet in the UK. There is no law against it. Male cleaners, security guards, maintenance operatives, police, firemen etc and dads taking their young daugters in are all entitled to be there. Secondly this was not assault and you need to be very careful using that sort of language. I would also remove your comments about your own sexual assault as this letter isn't about you. I would highlight in your letter that the security guard needs better training and more importantly that the door is fixed.

Agreed and maybe lose most of the hyperbolic language and sticks to the facts.

dads taking their young daughters in are all entitled to be there

This is really not true. Some women may not mind men bringing girls into the women's toilets, but many do - and there is no entitlement for a man to do that.

Men entering women's toilets to do a specific task as part of their job (eg cleaning) is a different scenario.

You've seen his contract then.

I think men crouching down to look under the door looks really dodgy.

If he or anybody can see up into the cubicle from a crouched position the floor to doorb gap is way too high

Someone reported my earlier post for telling the other poster to "go away" with a common swear.

Yeah thanks for that too! 😡

So here's my response from above minus the swearing at the poster, just in case that one goes pop too.

"And you can (go away) too! 😡

Have I somehow fallen through to AIBU or are you and the other poster trolling?

How is this an ok response to me relaying my relatives experience of rape at her workplace by another staff member?

What is wrong with you?!

Is it scaremongering for me to say to the younger women in my family to be careful on a night out and to never leave a drink unattended because someone might spike it? Because that happened to me.

Where is the fucking line between this happened to me / someone I know, and scaremongering?

Is anyone who suggests a way to keep women safe scaremongering, or is it only when it's regarding trying to keep as safe from being raped as possible?

I've spent most of the day quite upset over the other posters comment and have returned to find a duplicate from someone else!

I can't wrap my head around yours and the earlier same response here in FWR.

If you're trolls well fucking done, you are the first ones I've come across that've actually managed to upset me. Serves me fucking right for talking about something so personal I guess.

You and the earlier poster are a pair of complete (horrible people)!"

Genuinely cannot get over these responses in FWR of all places!

Putting myself in the shoes of a store manager, I would want to see a factual account of what happened, and an indication of what your DD would like to happen next ie checks done only by female staff, an assurance that action would be taken ref the male security guard. The draft with the ACAS link is spit on. Despite the seriousness of the issue and the fact that it was frightening for your daughter, the highly emotional tone of your draft will not help in securing the support if the store manager. Your DD needs to write the letter, as PP have said, and not use capitals for emphasis.

Yeah you're right, best just slam the door open, that's much preferable.

Disgusting language. Reported.

Presumably there was a gap beneath the cubicle door in which the guard could see it was occupied? So the excuse that he wanted to open the door because it could be locked while empty doesn't make sense.

What on earth was he trying to do?
I can only presume there could have been incidents where people were using drugs in the toilets and OD'ing. But in that case they need to knock loudly and then say loudly 'are you ok?' And only if they've been in there for ages. Then if they're suspicious of what's going on inside wait by the door and confront them after.

It's never justified to burst in on someone. And she was clearly a staff member. Which I believe should have their own seperate toilet facilities anyway in a workplace like that.

No, unless you can prove intent.

This is more likely to be a mistake. Very unpleasant but not an assault

I think it's an unpleasant & unfortunate misunderstanding & whilst I totally understand your DD distress & embarrassment I really don't think your letter will achieve anything other than further embarrassing your DD.

Assuming the security guard works in the shop it is likely to be part of his job to check toilets. Yes he certainly does need to be re- trained but I don't think he has assaulted your DD.

Male staff will often have to enter toilet areas usually when the disabled alarm is pulled.

Where I work the security guard has to check the toilets after closing & before opening. We did have one incident where a drug user had collapsed in the toilets & was not found until the following day. These are fairly standard checks in shops, supermarkets, restaurants loos.

I would encourage her to raise it with management herself & stick to the facts, your letter is highly emotive but not factual.

It's unacceptable that it happened & there needs to be changes in training & processes.