Banned from breastfeeding group for objecting to males breastfeeding

[snickerdoodle1990]

Hi everyone,

I gave birth a few months ago and had some breastfeeding difficulties, so joined a local breastfeeding support group in my city. It’s basically a place to go for support with feeding, plus meet other mums/have a cuppa and biscuit etc. They also have a FB group. It’s become a nice, friendly place to go once every couple of weeks.

Recently, a trans-woman (male) has joined the group asking for support because their wife has not long had a baby and the trans-woman is wishing to breastfeed too, apparently through use of hormones and domperidone (?) to stimulate supply (I did not realise this was possible at all)

I really really object to this person being present in a group of women who are seeking breastfeeding support, trying to come together in their breastfeeding experience and also revealing themselves intimately

I told the group leader my concerns and she basically told me to shove it - said that the group is a safe space for everyone and they support all who wish to breastfeed and that I shouldn’t come back because I am a bigot

I am horrified as are the other women, where do we all stand and what would you do?

And this support group is not legally recognized as single sex, so - as the organizers have seemingly made clear - all are welcome.

No they didn’t, they had an issue with a certain members views that didn’t align with what the purpose of their group was and that was to provide support on issues related to breast feeding

You clearly have no idea what misogynistic means 😂

Not just ‘a certain members views’ though.

OP says
I am horrified as are the other women, where do we all stand

This suggests her views were shared by most of the group.

Sometimes I want to give the so called ‘pro trans’ lobby the benefit of the doubt. I definitely think trans people should be allowed to live presenting as they wish, and not have lives made difficult by hateful acts and unnecessary discrimination. But the fact anyone can defend a male seeking to both breasfeed and newborn and also involve vulnerable mothers in that - let alone defend the group that prioritises male need for validation over female safety and comfort - makes me think in fact ‘pro trans’ are not coming from a place of rational good intentions but of misogynistic dogma. It’s like defending a sex abuser being allowed in a rape crisis group. Some things are just wrong and should be clearly marked as such.

Nonsense.

This thread is by a new mother horrified and made to feel uncomfortable by the intrusion of a biological man into what should be a safe space.

The misogyny is appalling.

It seems I should have been clearer. The baby's father can I suppose call himself whatever he likes, but that doesn't change the fact that he cannot actually BE both the child's mother and father at the same time.

The irony of this comment is likely lost on you.

Spot on homophones have rights too 😉

Agree,
Some women on here won’t be satisfied until trans women will be left with no rights at all
The world has changed and we need to change with it, in order to do this narrow minded backward views need to be left behind and some degree of acceptance is necessary

Exactly.

It's dripping with misogyny.

🤐

Your comment is nonsensical

That would apply to your comprehension skills.

You see, that’s nonsense, accusing people of being narrow-minded and backward simply because they don’t agree with you.

Needing to resort to insults is generally a sign that your argument isn’t a strong one.

It means woman hating

Breast feeding women can have no possible practical advice for a male person wishing to breastfeed. This person is clearly there for validation of his gender preference and I suspect is probably relishing that his presence has caused - what we Scots call a stooshie within the group. If he had an ounce of decency he'd withdraw and leave the mums to it.

No, it’s called having an open mind and being acceptive of others and change, It had nothing to do with misogyny but I don’t think you can quite understand that

Not automatically but if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck...

I'm genuinely not down on all men. I like, love and respect many men. And there are many good eggs. And I'm sure the same is true for trans identified men. But they are still men. And being an abusive pervert isn't exactly extremely rare is it...

So it comes down to what we believe is rarer given what we know:
He is sexually attracted to women
He has male equipment in good working order
He wants to join in a women's breastfeeding group
His claimed reason for being there, to meaningfully breastfeed his infant, doesn't make sense / isn't based in reality

So which of the following is possible:

• Is he so captured by his own ideology that he believes he can breastfeed his baby, and genuinely wants to do so, believing that this will benefit his family?

• So extraordinarily motivated by his self interest in feeling affirmed as a woman, that he just doesn't care about anyone else - how uncomfortable he will make women at the group, their babies, his baby, his baby's mother?

• A man with a sexual fetish, who wants to exploit the breastfeeding group and his baby, because it sexually arouses him?

I believe any or a mix of all three is possible and plausible. We know very well that many men engage in antisocial sexually motivated behaviour. As you put it, are "abusive perverts". We know because we've all experienced it, and every other woman we know has experienced it. Because we understand about Gisele Pelicot, for example. What we also know is that trans identification doesn't make this less likely. This isn't transphobia. It could be termed man-phobia. Only the law has (rightly) recognised that this particular "phobia" is actually justified by the behaviour of (some) men which is why women deserve special protection in law. To fail to understand that women are justified in fearing sexual violence and harassment by men, is misogynistic. To tell them they are transphobic when it's literally happening to them, is gaslighting.

Accepting people’s right to live as chosen gender free from harm is not the same as accepting male right to breastfeed an infant. Everyone has limits on their rights for the balance of society and safety of others - this is not limited to trans people as we are so often told. You cannot really be suggesting that it is reasonable or desirable for newborn children to forced to ‘affirm’ the gender of adults? What about their rights?

I think we can all agree it is happening.

However, what this biological man is proposing to do is to take massive amounts of hormones and other drugs to induce lactation.

There are three possible reasons for this:

(1) to induce lactation to affirm their delusion; or

(2) to induce lactation to feed their child (which is a terrible idea because off all of the drugs and synthetic hormones they need to take to lower their testosterone levels); or

(3) they are doing this as part of their kink.

In any event - this man should not be in a breastfeeding group for new mothers as he is not a new mother and he is not lactating and even if he induces chemical lactation he shouldn’t be attempting to put this down a poor babies throat.

People are allowed to not be ok with what this guy is doing. I’m not ok with it and neither is the OP who has been kicked out of a breastfeeding group for new mothers for a biological male.

Just find another group? 🤷‍♀️

Women: we think this man has dodgy motivations, it looks like a sexual fetish, and it's very bad for the baby.

TRAs: omg, soon we'll have no rights left!

Operation let them speak strikes again

Or we can refuse to "change" and fight on against the absurdity of a male being allowed into a women's breastfeeding support group upsetting the people the group was supposed to help and support! Not all change is good.
Nobody (well not many) want trans people to have "no rights at all" but some sort of common sense and actual reality needs to prevail .