Banned from breastfeeding group for objecting to males breastfeeding

[snickerdoodle1990]

Hi everyone,

I gave birth a few months ago and had some breastfeeding difficulties, so joined a local breastfeeding support group in my city. It’s basically a place to go for support with feeding, plus meet other mums/have a cuppa and biscuit etc. They also have a FB group. It’s become a nice, friendly place to go once every couple of weeks.

Recently, a trans-woman (male) has joined the group asking for support because their wife has not long had a baby and the trans-woman is wishing to breastfeed too, apparently through use of hormones and domperidone (?) to stimulate supply (I did not realise this was possible at all)

I really really object to this person being present in a group of women who are seeking breastfeeding support, trying to come together in their breastfeeding experience and also revealing themselves intimately

I told the group leader my concerns and she basically told me to shove it - said that the group is a safe space for everyone and they support all who wish to breastfeed and that I shouldn’t come back because I am a bigot

I am horrified as are the other women, where do we all stand and what would you do?

I’m really sorry to hear this. I was devastated to hear about the La Leche League and how it’s been similarly destroyed. I do know that lots of BF counsellors are unhappy so if you look around you will hopefully find a GC bunch. Such a shame xx

efited to add: is this a private group or offered through a public service? If the latter you could write to the service to ask where their single sex group runs?

Oust the lead or make a new group. There's no saving her (and him).

I would not go back. I would try and continue to meet up with the others. The group leader sounds like a lost cause, but if the group is part of a bigger organisation, I'd look at their policies and consider addressing the issue with them.

I watched an interview a few days ago on Mr Menno’s YouTube channel. One of the former trustees of La Leche League who was forced out because she objected to the men’s invasion was talking about her experiences. She mentioned that she is part of group who will be announcing soon a new breastfeeding support group for women. She said they would be announcing the name of the new organisation soon.

Also, does this person even bring a baby with them? Do they even definitely have a baby? I suppose it's even worse if they actually have a baby and are really doing this, but if they're just turning up with a story, they're clearly using and abusing the group for kicks.

Is the group part of a national network, or just a local one that’s been set up by the "leader"? If it’s part of La Leche League, unfortunately that is their policy (though presumably they could change it, following the Supreme Court decision, if they wanted to, by saying they ran single-sex groups for women).

If it’s a council-run or NHS-run group I would think they’re now on shaky ground if women users object.

If, as you say, the other women feel the same way as you do (as I would too), there’s nothing to stop you all setting up your own group without that leader.

Well if all the others feel the same just meet with them - create a private WhatsApp group or something.

Leave the group en masse and start your own private meet ups that are not affiliated with any organization.

Yes they have a baby and the wife comes too. I just find it so wrong that this is allowed to happen, I feel it totally and utterly undermines your experience as a breastfeeding woman to be honest. I know we could just meet up elsewhere or sort our own group out but I think why should we?! Literally why are we being forced out of a breastfeeding group (which only women can do) by a man??

I’d suggest you invite the wife to your new group…. And maybe signpost her to a trans widows group for when she sees the light.

In the current climate, I would probably be contacting the Times or the Telegraph, and I’d probably mention to them the former LLL trustee who was on the Mr Menno video too so they can do the legwork and reach out to her for a comment.

I would also drop an email to Sex Matters, as they’re well-connected and can probably put you in touch with people who can help.

Is the group funded by or affiliated with your local council or NHS trust or LLL or NCT or anything, or is it just this one woman on her own?

That poor women needs signposting to Women's Aid as she's in an abusive relationship. A man trying to breach the mother baby dyad for his own fetish.

Good suggestions! Thanks. It’s a couple of women on their own… There’s a few pop up groups across the city and they go to postnatal wards etc to help new mothers

Nothing has stimulated 'a supply' for him. Men don't produce breastmilk. Even men with implants and artificial hormones. Whatever he's 'producing' (🤮) shouldn't go anywhere near a baby's mouth. I'd never go back to that group and I seriously could not have a lower opinion of anyone who condones a poor baby being encouraged to feed off a pair of man boobs.

Is it a council run group? Go above the group leader and point out the supreme Court ruling. Transwomen can be excluded from single sex settings for reasons of privacy and decency.

I am very sorry to hear this.

I am horrified that a bfeeding group is being used because a male wishes to feed an untested nipple secretion to an infant. Considering the studies also have shown the amount those male people can secrete is nowhere near enough to feed and infant, this is concerning.

That's terrible op. I hope breastfeeding is going ok for you anyway. I'd put a complaint in writing to the organiser but also find a different group. Could you take other members of the group with you and meet in people's houses with a health visitor? It's ridiculous that you have to do this but your time to sort out breastfeeding is short and getting involved in a battle might not help when you have new baby stress.

This is contemptuous of breastfeeding women. I relied on a group, as I had no relatives nearby who had breastfed. I can’t imagine having some lad gawking across the room at mothers who are breastfeeding their babies. Some women will remove themselves rather than be part of his peep show. I can’t believe people running a breastfeeding group are treating women and babies as just extras in some man’s fantasy life.

Also, depending on what your council’s stance is on gender woo, it might be worth considering contacting social services about the other baby, just so they’re aware.

But that’s a bit of a prickly one, as they might take the transwomen’s side and turn the tables on you for being a bigot, so I’d definitely proceed with caution there.

Honestly, it does feel like the world has gone utterly, utterly mad when there’s more chance that the national press will understand about child safeguarding than the social workers whose job it is to actually protect children.

Men do produce breast milk if something makes their prolactin go high enough. It's the same milk as women produce. I dont think they should, I'm not in favour of this man at the group at all but it does happen as a side effect of some drugs, like certain antipsychotics.

I highly doubt that. Women’s milk changes from colostrum when we give birth to older babies. Where are the rigorous test results of whatever men produce. And what nightmare of drugs will baby be imbibing along with that.

Men do lactate as a side effect of some medication in the same way some men develop breast tissue.

It is not the same as breast milk produced by baby’s mother which aside from having antibodies etc in the early phases the composition of breast milk changes to meet the baby’s needs. In addition to that even if this man is lactating it will be disruptive to the mum being able to establish breastfeeding and milk supply especially in the early weeks.

And that’s before we even get to the motivations of the man involved.

Yep I totally agree - it genuinely feels like the world has gone completely insane. To think that a group of women including me might boycott a breastfeeding group because a man is there trying to breastfeed a baby seems utterly bonkers to me.

Poor baby

Can social services "turn the tables" in any meaningful way here, given the OP has no connection to the baby? I can see how this could be a very real fear if it was, say, one family member reporting another, but in this case it seems pretty risk-free? Aside from any blowback from the couple themselves.

Who the hell is prescribing this shit?

we don’t even prescribe domperidone to women frequently, due to side effects and risk!