We have been given a huge responsibility.
Word Salad to English Translation: We have identified a huge gap in the market for scamming vulnerable people
You, the trans community, impoverished by a Labour government which is working for a world in which one cannot be trans and flourish, have nevertheless entrusted us with many hundreds of thousands of pounds.
Word Salad to English Translation: We need to shit on you by telling you, you are worthless so we can exploit you. We are deliberately trying to tap into your insecurities and lack of confidence. Believe in us, we have your best interests at heart whilst we tell you that you can't possibly achieve anything in life. In no way is this grooming you by telling you we are the solution to your unhappiness.
I know how hard much of this money has been to earn because you have told me. And we must spend it wisely.
Word Salad to English Translation: Lookie, I'm referring to YOUR money as if it's OUR money. Nothing odd or creepy or coercive to see here.* *Honest gov.
I want to emphasise this because we will need your trust.
Word Salad to English Translation: When you are being groomed being told about trust is a massive red flag. Normal people don't ask you to trust them. They don't need to. Their actions speak for themselves.
JK Rowling is, in this life at least, accountable to no one for how she spends her billions.
Word Salad to English Translation: I have inserted an obligatory reference to the Trans BogieWoman in order to convince you I am on your side.
We must explain ourselves to you. But sometimes, for us to tell you about litigation we are supporting will be the wrong thing to do. To give our cases the best chance of succeeding – in a world in which parts of the judiciary are conspicuously hostile to us and the trans community – they must happen away from the limelight. We will tell you about them when we can but that will sometimes be when they are over.
Word Salad to English Translation: After saying JKRowling is unaccountable to others. I suggest we are accountable before immediately pulling away that point and saying the exact opposite in the hope you don't notice. I give a shit excuse for this lack of accountability. Remember when the teacher told you to be wary about the adult who tells you they have a big secret? Well this still applies. This is a red flag.
But we will not be idle.
We have teams engaged and working on about twenty legal initiatives. We are involved in one case which is already before the courts. We are convening a group of trans-led organisations to try and ameliorate some of the downsides of this work being done by a cis-led organisation.
Word Salad to English Translation: We can't count or tell you about these super secret plans. Instead we will blind you with Maggie Chapman App generated words to make us look clever and important, and of course, on your side.* *
We have convened a group of highly qualified solicitors and barristers who want to work on trans cases for free or at ‘friendly’ rates.
Word Salad to English Translation: We are either exploiting them or they are fanatics with an agenda to push too.
We have instructed an expert team to produce legal advice on what the Supreme Court’s decision means.
Word Salad to English Translation: We have openings for creative writers who had their shit book rejected by publishers and then screech about how life isn't fair because it's better than JKRs.
We will produce guidance for the trans community – and those who don’t cohere to patriarchal archetypes – on what to do if they are challenged for using the spaces that align with their sex.
Word Salad to English Translation: We will lie to you so you part with your cash.
We are hiring a discrimination lawyer.
Word Salad to English Translation: They couldn't get a job at a reputable firm which pays well. They work for peanuts and see this as an opportunity to make a name for themselves whilst learning how to grift.
We have employed a leading journalist to talk of the pain caused by the Supreme Court’s clumsy social engineering.
Word Salad to English Translation: We have hired a failed journalist as a propagandist who doesn't understand law to confuse the public
We are producing pro forma legal letters for when trans and gender nonconforming men and women are forced into the wrong spaces.
Word Salad to English Translation: We intend to help trans people get the sack and to abet them into circumnavigating safeguarding protocols which could potentially put the public at risk from someone who does actually have criminal intent.
This is some of what we have done already.
Zooming out for a second, it remains clear that we are no longer compliant with our obligations under the European Convention on Human Rights.
Word Salad to English Translation: We aren't actually going to explain this. It's a great sound bite to suck you in though and pretend there's injustice here. We are feeding on your grievances.
Perhaps Labour no longer cares about this – the so-called justice secretary Shabana Mahmood has started to use the language of the right in how she talks about the Convention.
Word Salad to English Translation: Biggly! Did you see this? I hope you are paying attention at the back. Jolyon just did a Trump. Yep he did. The only other prominent person who uses the phrase "so called" on a regular basis to try and discredit his political opponents is Good Old Donnie. Yet here is Jo, who regularly accuses everyone else of using far right tactics, using one straight out of the Great Orange One's playbook himself. If you aren't marking this one as a big red flag, you should.
But ultimately this is the question our work must confront the Government with. Is Labour’s desire to eradicate trans people from public life greater even than its attachment to international human rights norms?
Word Salad to English Translation: Dear Reader, human rights norms are to treat all people as equals. This includes women and homosexuals. It is not a norm to put one group on a pedestal and say they can do no wrong. Whilst simultaneously saying this group is incapable of achieving (see above put downs and exploitation of lack of confidence). Dear Reader, Mr Maugham is lining himself up here in a classic way - "Only I can save you and help you from salvation. Without my help you are doomed to persecution and exploitation". Are you starting to feel uncomfortable yet? If this sounds sinister, they'd be a reason for that.
I get thanked a lot for standing up for the trans community.
Word Salad to English Translation: Oh look we've finally hit the "I" word, in which the hero of our story, places himself front and centre on a pedestal. Nothing to see here.
In fact, the thanks run the other way. I wrote, in ‘Bringing Down Goliath’ (Penguin, 2024), about how advocacy for trans people has opened my eyes to how the world is for people without my privilege.
Word Salad to English Translation: Let's get to the point. I'm here for the profit. I've got a book to flog. And after I've made my sales pitch, I need to follow it up with the humility routine to tone it down. My snake oil needs to do the usual routine of shouting "I am the Messiah. I'm humble like him too, I promise".
The work has given me “a skeleton key to a whole new moral universe”.
Word Salad to English Translation: It's not a cult. Jolyon doesn't want to be an alternative moral cult leader whose firmly in it for the money and power / ego trip. Oh no. Jolyon is just doing it because it's morally just the right thing to do.
I'll get my tenner across to you very soon Fantastic Mr Fox.