Ask me anything about my experience as a trans man who wholeheartedly defends women’s rights

[13J]

I really didn’t know how to title this.
But I’ve replied to a couple of posts over the last few days regarding trans people and the SC ruling.

For those who haven’t seen my previous posts.

i’m in my mid 30s.
i transitioned at 18, started testosterone at 20 and had full top and bottom surgery at 25. I also hold a GRC. I am told I pass extremely well, and most people are quite surprised if they learn I’m trans after having known me a while.

HOWEVER,
As much as I believe that everyone’s right are important, I do not believe eradicating women’s rights in the name of trans rights is okay.

i do not believe single sex spaces should be invaded by the opposite sex, and that people should be made to feel uncomfortable in their safe spaces.

I KNOW you cannot change your sex. I know I have not changed my biological sex.

i know I have a surgically altered female body, not a male one.

i have been rejected by most trans people and in most trans inclusive spaces for disagreeing with the loud minority on these points.

I’ve been called transphobic on many occasions because of it,

And as I have become older, I have come to a deeper understanding that gender is nothing more than a social concept, and while I am happy in my life and the choices I made.
i am not sure I would make the same ones again if I knew then what I know now.

So I just wanted to open this post up and say if anyone would like to know anything further about what I’ve experienced or my personal beliefs. Then feel free to ask, I will answer as openly and honestly as possible and no topic is off limits.

i am speaking only for myself, not for other trans people, but I suspect that many of them feel this way, they are just afraid to voice it because of the backlash they’d receive.

Thank you for your honesty and willing to talk about this, OP; and I'm so, so sorry to hear about your childhood abuse and traumas inflicted on you.

But there’s also been some high profile trans men who have done us no favours either because they’ve done things like have children and demand to be known as the child’s mother whilst simultaneously demanding the world see them as a man, and naturally those two things don’t go together. So people tend to think they just want special treatment (which I imagine is true).

I haven't personally heard of any that way around, but I'm familiar with the case of Freddy McConnell, who got pregnant and gave birth and went to court to fight to be allowed to be listed on the birth certificate as the child's father. I believe Freddy lost in the end, as in UK law, if you give birth to a baby, you are legally and unequivocally that baby's mother. It would be highly, highly irregular for any baby to have a BC without the mother named - presumably it could only ever be possible in the case of an abandoned newborn whose mother didn't come forward and couldn't ever be traced.

It always struck me as very strange that a woman would go to such great lengths to identify as and be treated as a man, but then to choose to do the most categorically, defining (as a sex class) female thing possible.

Absokutely women’s rights should be protected.
You cannot erase someone else’s rights to further your own agenda

But you don't have any issue with a transman using male toilets and changing rooms? Is that not erasing men's rights - and the exact same principle that led the SC to having to make their recent declaration wrt transwomen seeking access to female facilities?

Obviously, the risk of fear and assault is very, very different - although I suppose, theoretically, a sizeable transman who was also a predator/assailant/sex offender could overpower and perpetrate horrors on a pre-teen lad or a vulnerable and/or elderly man - but there's also the crucial issue of dignity and an equal right to protected same-sex facilities, just like women have bravely fought for and now (thankfully) been vindicated on.

How can you demand protected same-sex facilities for women but not for men? Surely failing to support the latter has the natural effect of hugely weakening the argument for the former?

Erm.... Why has my post pointing out that this week the supreme Court ruled that legally a transwoman could not become a woman, and a transman could not be a man???
Explain yourselves mnhq! Do you not believe in the rule of law???

I'm really sorry to read that you had such an abusive childhood, I was a "tomboy" growing up and also dealt with abuse so I can sympathise with a lot of what you've said.

I'm wondering whether your desire to be perceived as male may have come from wanting to protect yourself from men?

I'm also interested to know what "living as a man" looks like to you? since there's no one way to live as a man or woman it seems to me more like a perpetuation of stereotypes to say someone lives as a man/woman.

OMG, how could I forget Trios? Still remember the TV adverts now I think about it!!

Hi 13J

I am mum to a trans man. I'm gender critical to a point but also want to support trans people, like a lot of people here.

My question is whether it is worth my son getting a GRC. He seems to think not. I think for it's useful for marriage and pensions. In fact son says he would not get married without a GRC.

However, he is worried GRC's will be ended and revoked. So there is no point getting one.

Any thoughts?

Thank you

Ps I am so very sorry for your early experiences. Xxxxx

It is a small place yes, I’m sorry that you weren’t welcomed as you’re not from here-my parents used to always say if they met someone English, ‘oh our son in law is English….but he’s a lovely fella!’ They didn’t see anything wrong with this 🙄.

The trans community were quite nasty at the LWS Belfast event so you may be better off without them. It sounds like you have settled well & have some good friends here now though. I hope we can start to have some more honest discourse like this in general as it’s so much more progressive

@13J

Thank you for this thread. I've got a lot out of it.

Thoughtful, open-minded (that's not quite the word I want but can't think of it right now) people who have transitioned have insights into society and social gender that no one else has and I always value those voices. I think it is so sad that trans activism's focus on validating a trans person's inner gender identity has drowned out other ways of thinking about trans experiences.

Is there any perspective or insight about being trans that you feel is usually missed and you wish gender critical women knew/understood?

(I mean gender critical in the proper sense of feminists who are fine with gender non-confirmity and think transitioning is a bad practice because we should be getting society to move away from gender altogther not just swapping which box people are in.)

I'm so curious and have lots of questions, but I'll carefully read the thread as I'm sure others have the same. I just wanted to pop on and commend you for starting this thread and for standing up for your convictions!

Thank you OP for sharing so much, and for your candour and insight.
This has been a very interesting read. You sound like an incredibly strong and astute person, it's great to hear your insight and personal experience.

Trios were amazing! Unless I'm imagining it, they brought them back recently for a very short period, but then they went away again

%3D

@IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta

Like you I struggle to get my head around why you’d want to be recognised as male and then do something as massively female as give birth
I couldn’t of done it, but others can so that’s great for them,
But then as you pointed out, in that particular case at least, they wanted to have a child naturally, which is what women do, but then be recognised as the father, which women can’t do.

But there have been trans men who’ve kicked up just as much ‘look at me I’m special’ fuss, as trans women.

And men’s spaces should absolutely be protected just as much as women’s.

But, Women campaigned because they were uncomfortable, men aren’t saying they feel uncomfortable or feel threatened by trans men (as far as I know). They aren’t complaining about their spaces being used by trans people. Trans men. (As far as I know) haven’t been convicted of sexual offences against men in these shared spaces. So nobody talks about whether men feel comfortable
And nobody talks about trans men, because largely they’ve never been the issue.

And if someone was to come on here now and say ‘what about men’
I don’t think it would be received well.

As I said previously, I use a third space, which is usually a disabled facility wherever possible

It isn’t always possible so then I’m faced with going in to a female facility and being challenged and having to tell a women that I’m trans (which by law I am not required to do as I hold a GRC)
Or I nip in to the men’s, nobody looks at me twice, I pee and leave.

One of those options makes me comfortable and doesn’t bother anyone else.

The other is going to make everyone uncomfortable

There should be a third space that means trans people don’t ever have to go in a ‘gendered’ space.
But there isn’t one.

If there is, it’s a disabled facility, and then you’ve got disabled people saying we shouldn’t be using them if we aren’t disabled.

As you pointed out yourself, theoretically a trans man could overpower and assault a man, as could a man, in a male only facility.

By that theory, a trans man, with testosterone may be able to overpower a woman, but everyone here is saying they are comfortable with trans men in women’s facilities.

A trans man is just as capable of rape if they’ve had surgery, or object rape if they have not. Just like a woman is capable of assaulting another woman, and assaulting a man (it’s rare but it happens).

But by those standards nobody should share a space with anyone because we are all capable of harm if we want to be.

@Italiangreyhound

For me, I got my GRC in 2009, then you NEEDED it to be considered male so it was worth it for me. It meant all my legal documents were male, and yes, for marriage.

if your son wants to marry a woman, currently he’d have to have a same sex marriage which he may be uncomfortable with.

But honestly, I’ve no idea what will happen with the GRC now so he may be right, it could be pointless.

legally I am male for all intents and purposes, but the GC ruling now means I need to be considered female in some situations, so I don’t see how both can coexist.

@NaiceBalonz I’ve never read any TERF roleplay fanfiction
But thanks for your input.

@buckeejit
i find the trouble with NI is that if one party agrees with something, the other will disagree on principle so it doesn’t matter what your views are, there’s going to be r someone who disagrees.

@FlirtsWithRhinos

That people only learn from experience, theirs and others.

I wish we lived in a world where the concert of gender didn’t exist. It didn’t define what you should wear, or play with or how you should act.

I wish sex was just a biological thing that relates to reproduction, and didn’t define your salary, right to vote, your role within the family etc.

But that’s not the world we live in.
Most of us are just making the best of our circumstances, we felt that transition was right for us, at the time. Wishing no harm to anyone.

@1SillySossij
I can’t speak for MNHQ but nobody here has disagreed with you. Myself included.

i cannot become a man. And I never said I could.
i can use a male name, dress in a male way and have gender affirming surgery that aims to ‘mimic’ the male body.

Legally, i hold a gender recognition certificate and at the time of writing for all legal intents and purposes I am considered male.

in light of the ruling, the law may change
Bur right now, it hasn’t.
it has clarified women’s right to a single sex space. And clarified what is meant by the term ‘woman’.

No law ever said anyone would change sex and nobody on here is saying it now.

Thanks so much.

My son has relationships with males and females but has now said he identifies as gay. But either way he would not want to marry as a woman.

I guess as a mum I just want him to have as much protection as possible.

Thanks so much for answering everything so candidly.

From the BBC " this means a Gender Recognition Certificate - a legal document that recognises an individual's gender identity, will not now change a person's legal sex"

Ihave a question. You say you wholeheartedly defend women's rights, do up also wholeheartedly defend men's rights not to have a biological woman invading their single sex spaces?

Safety is one part of the reason we have single sex spaces. Privacy and dignity also count.

They're included in law because most people prefer single sex spaces when vulnerable.

I haven't read the full thread yet, but thank you for what you said.

I want to say that I think your post shows a difference in the thinking of females vs males. See, you have a the lived experience of being female. Of developing from a girl to an 18 year old woman. Of getting your periods. Of your body changing. Of the looks from boys, the ogling. The need for privacy as a teenage girl.

See, the reason you get it is that you have that lived experience.

A male does not. He will never have that lived experience of a developing girl's body, of periods. Of the ogling from boys. Of their body being sexualised.

That, is why transwomen cannot at all relate to the needs of females. That, is why trans men 'get it' more and instinctively understand the need for females to have the safety, privacy and dignity of female only spaces.

And what we really need is for more trans men like you to come out publicly with your lived experience and tell people you 'get it'.

This is so sad I'm sorry you went through all this trauma op.

I'm sorry for your experiences and hope you find peace of some sort.