Ask me anything about my experience as a trans man who wholeheartedly defends women’s rights

[13J]

I really didn’t know how to title this.
But I’ve replied to a couple of posts over the last few days regarding trans people and the SC ruling.

For those who haven’t seen my previous posts.

i’m in my mid 30s.
i transitioned at 18, started testosterone at 20 and had full top and bottom surgery at 25. I also hold a GRC. I am told I pass extremely well, and most people are quite surprised if they learn I’m trans after having known me a while.

HOWEVER,
As much as I believe that everyone’s right are important, I do not believe eradicating women’s rights in the name of trans rights is okay.

i do not believe single sex spaces should be invaded by the opposite sex, and that people should be made to feel uncomfortable in their safe spaces.

I KNOW you cannot change your sex. I know I have not changed my biological sex.

i know I have a surgically altered female body, not a male one.

i have been rejected by most trans people and in most trans inclusive spaces for disagreeing with the loud minority on these points.

I’ve been called transphobic on many occasions because of it,

And as I have become older, I have come to a deeper understanding that gender is nothing more than a social concept, and while I am happy in my life and the choices I made.
i am not sure I would make the same ones again if I knew then what I know now.

So I just wanted to open this post up and say if anyone would like to know anything further about what I’ve experienced or my personal beliefs. Then feel free to ask, I will answer as openly and honestly as possible and no topic is off limits.

i am speaking only for myself, not for other trans people, but I suspect that many of them feel this way, they are just afraid to voice it because of the backlash they’d receive.

@ArabellaScott

I didn’t say the male prison and female ones were comparable.

Nor can I comment on the amount of trans people in either estate, or their individual crimes. There are a lot of men who are sex offenders, some of whom will be identifying as trans women.

But it doesn’t mean that all men, or all trans women will commit sexual offences.

There are female sex offenders too, granted, nowhere near as many but they do exist.

My point way that short of building a trans prison, there is no solution that will make everyone feel happy or comfortable.

And as far as what it means to be ‘treated as a man’ it is individual to each man, just as it is to women what it means to be a women or be treated as one.

Thank you; if you had do you think it would have influenced your decision?

Btw, thankyou for putting yourself out there.

I am so sorry for what you experienced growing up. Horribly similar to the childhoods of other “rational” trans people who’ve spoken for women’s rights and against child transitioning I know of, and also many detransitioned individuals.

I’m a woman, I’m liberal. I have no desire to make your life more difficult, however, I am conscious that women’s rights have been hard fought and need protecting.

i guess I’m interested in whether you think men and women are inherently different? If a man and a woman has an mri, do their brains look different? If not then surely it’s just upbringing?

@Silversixpenny
You are exactly right.

Why not just have a wall of glasses? Why ‘for her’ and ‘for him’? All it does is reinforce those negative stereotypes.

In my case it absolutely was a huge factor and it will be for many others. Even those who aren’t trans, such as yourself.
You want was to pursue something and you were dissuaded because it was for boys, even tho it isn’t.

And then people wonder why more women don’t get in to these fields.

What’s a natural sexual orientation?

Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I wish there were more opportunities for honest and open conversations about this issue so that we can all figure out how to navigate them.

Do you feel, safe in the UK or do you worry about being attacked?

What do you think could have prevented you from going down the surgery route ?

I also think you're very brave to open up like this, and i think real conversations where open free to be open are the way forward

Do you think schools are mainly to blame for the amount of children going down this route in this day and age ?

@FiveBarGate
My husband was born male, he sees me as entirely male but I was post surgery when we met, so I’m not sure if he would’ve viewed me differently had he met me before, or had I chosen not to have surgery. I know gay men have faced backlash for not wanting to date pre op trans men, likewise lesbians with trans women’s and I’ve a straight female friend who was accused of transphobia because her partner came out as trans and she ended the relationship because she wasn’t in to women. Personally I think that’s the opposite of transphobic.

if someone refused to date me because I was a man, I would t be offended, I’d be pleased they saw me that way.

it is absolutely not helpful to deny your past
I am open and honest with people if they’re going to be in my life.

Reinforces stereotypes, and causes restrictions. Had the asisstant not spoken up, he may well have gone for the purple ones. We'll never know. He has always been into pink beyond primary school socialisation, and has shifted his favourite colour now to a lilac purple, which is why I pointed them out. I've worn "men's" frames before, mainly because at that particular time zero of the "women's" frames suited me within my price range and I wasn't about to fork out an extra 50 quid.

Natural= as nature intended

You think nature intended couples to be same sex, not great for evolution is it.

Disclaimer: I'm not anti gay, but it's not the evolutionary advantageous position

OP, thank you for your post, it is really interesting. I am sorry for your experiences but glad to hear you are in a better place now - it sounds like you have built a great life for yourself. There used to be a TED talk from someone who is a trans woman who talked about losing the male privilege they had not been aware of having growing up as a boy. There seems to be such a blind spot to the fact that people transitioning did not have similar experiences to people who dont need to transition. I dont understand why this does not seem to be understood.

I'm in a scientific field, however, thanks OP for your comment, I'm a chemist, forever being "accused" of biology (probably because I'm a woman!) and know a massive amount of physics because of my chemistry degree, masters etc. I can't go back and choose physics A level, but I can be a role model for women in STEM.

@Joystir59 To ne, I am male. I am living as a man, I am legally a man, so I’m in a gay marriage. In fact, I live in Northern Ireland and we had to wait for gay marriage to be legalised in 2020 before we could marry.

Bur If your view is that my biological sex is the defining factor, then in your eyes, I would be straight, and I respect that that’s your view.

@WarriorN
Ive been on here years, initially just to read, because I am interested in people’s views and experiences. I’ve posted a few times under various usernames and respond to posts if I feel I can help.

ive followed some of the debate, but it is hard to keep up!

I do believe that there was research into an area of gay sex that related to a concentration of population: if there were a lot of people, and a gay person had a sibling whonhad had children, it was more likely they were happy to be open about it because "genes had been passed on" and they didn't have the social pressure to reproduce. When I find it, I'll share the link.

@AgnesX
i do think if I’d had therapy before o may have done things differently, but what, and to what extent I have no idea.

Thank you for making this thread.

What’s your favorite biscuit? 🍪😁

Thank you so much for this thread. I think it’s hugely important voices like yours are heard and available to the struggling FtM trans youth. I’m so terribly sorry for your childhood.

my questions are:

do you have a brother? Or raised close to a male cousin or mums best friends kid who was a boy?

and where did you learn that transition was possible?

I had some similarities in my childhood and I’m certain that if I was a child today I would transition. we are of a similar age and I never knew transition was an option until I had realised the problem wasn’t my body and me but sex stereotypes and misogyny

Was it difficult to read posts from a psychological pov? or did you find your self agreeing?

@Icanttakethisanymore

Absokutely women’s rights should be protected.
You cannot erase someone else’s rights to further your own agenda,

It’s a tough one, I think if you scanned babies brains they would be the same. But I don’t know because I know very little about brains.

I believe that environmental factors have an impact and so does upbringing and other psychological factors.

But then you could get two boys or two girls who had the same environment and turn out differently for whatever reason.

And biology has its own impact on the mind, men and women have different bodies, different hormones etc so it’s going to create differences, as is their personal environment and the way they’re treated by the world.

So I’m not sure if men and women are different because they’re differebt
Or if they’re different because they’re told they are.

I'm not anti gay, but it's not the evolutionary advantageous position

Unless having a certain percentage of gay people is a population control measure - more is not necessarily better.

It’s tough isn’t it? From an evolutionary perspective men and women have had different roles so different characteristics would have been advantageous. there is no reason why we’d all be the same. However, being female doesn’t define me (personally) and I wonder if you’d have been born into my life, whether you’d have felt the need to transition?

Does it annoy you that trans men are generally an afterthought in the debate/ coverage of the issues?

Or that both sides of trans are considered together? I can't think of a single controversy involving a trans man. Yet I could reel off the names of transwomen involved in offending, taking places in sports, seeking to be housed in female prisons.

I also think the motivations, issues, things underpinning f2m transition are very different. It doesn't feel to me like those transitioning share very much in common a

@JennyTals

I don’t feel particularly safe in certain circumstances such as walking late at night, But I don’t know if that’s because I’m trans and subconsciously think someone will know, or if it’s because I was born and lived as a girl for 18 years and was constantly told it wasn’t safe.

I feel less safe as things progress within the trans movement. Not of physical attack, but of people assuming that because I’m trans I must hate women or must want to do people harm, or that I want special treatment etc. I fear that people will judge me before they know me.

i do feel school are causing an issue.
Tbey are so afraid of not being inclusive or being called phobic or discriminatory that they’re lost sight of common sense.

And kids are vulnerable and very susceptible to others. I only wanted a metal pencil case more than anything in the world because mi friend had one.

As a teen I smoked to fit in. I lied about my interests to fit in, to be friends, to be liked.

So if a school is making a huge fuss over a trans child because they’re afraid to offend then of course others will inevitably say they’re trans too. But instead of ignoring it, and dealing with it only if it persists, people jump straight on it.

Thanks for your post, I have two friends who fully transitioned in opposite directions. When all of this toxic discourse started, they were horrified, all they wanted was to pass and live under the radar. They hated labels and they were the last people who wanted to protest for or against anything. They wanted to live good lives, be surrounded by good people, and just be allowed to exist in the way that made the most sense to them. They both detested the fact that people might assume that as trans people they would have specific views on anything - they both hate Tik Tok for example (in the same way that my friend with Tourette’s does I guess).

Since then and in light of the ruling this week. My friend who was MAB and is now living as a female was relieved (and is married to a straight man), but it’s the opposite for my friend who was FAB and now living as a male. The latter wants me to go on a march soon but I am struggling to articulate how this ruling has not taken anything anyway from them, not least because they never aggressively wanted anything before - not other people’s spaces, no erosion of other people’s rights.

Any advice with the latter because this is almost a volte face of the person I knew before who now seems to have swallowed an ideology that isn’t actually aligned with their own beliefs? Wishing all the best for you by the way. Their surgery was only last October if that makes a difference in terms of any coming to terms issues. They are a brilliant person but this ruling has come with a side serving of Kool Aid for them. We’re both allowed to feel differently of course, but it’s the immediate reversal of opinion that is difficult to comprehend.