Non fatal strangulation and choking during sex

[ArabellaScott]

Grim read.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62zwy0nex0o

@ArabellaScott

“The liberation of women involves strangulation, fisting, pole-dancing, plastic surgery, and anal sex. What a world to pass on to our daughters”

Language like that isn’t helpful. Thankfully in this day and age you are perfectly entitled to not enjoy these things, but please don’t put others down for their own likes and dislikes.

If your sphincter fails as you get older and you become incontinent/suffer prolapses, will this also be hot/a price worth paying?

Please don’t make it sound like all young women OR young men, enjoy or want this, because they don’t, it isn’t simply a generational divide.
You are clearly happy practicing risky behaviour that could result in serious injury or death and that is entirely your call, I just genuinely hope for your sake that it doesn’t go wrong. There are sadly many dead women who are proof that it does.

Language like what? Genuine question!

I'm not really old, I'm 37.

What I find pathetic are the some WOMEN acting all cool and mighty: oh look at me, I'm so unique, cool and edgy, I luuuv me some 'breath play' (how can you feel cool and edgy using kindergarten terms, beats me), being fucked in the ass, slapped, spat at, bound up, being pissed on, yada yada, it's so liberating, sexy and safe, I enjoy it so much. With the undercurrent of 'I'm so fucking progressive, not like you, you old, boring, pearl clutching hags, whom no one wants anyway'

Enjoy it, I personally don't give a fuck, really. If your 'kind and loving partner you absolutely trust' accidentally chokes you to death one day, I'm sure he'll cry and be sorry, you'll be nice and dead and he'll continue his kind and loving life. But you chose this, so whatever, I can't muster any fucks to give.

What is not ok, is this shit being pushed as normal, 16 year old twits choking their timid 16 year old girlfriends who don't like it at all, and don't want it, but are afraid to say no, because 'everyone enjoys breath play' apparently. Except for frigid, boring grannies. And who wants to be a frigid, boring granny at 16.

And as for 'reasearched and safe', I remember being 16. Some of my similar aged boyfriends didn't know what a clit is and how to find it, and/or were gobsmacked that an actual girl has hair on her fanny or legs, because mags and porn showed them the shaved ones. I can imagine these boys sitting and studiously reading about safe strangulation, yep. Put your hands on the neck and squeeze, more like.

Or adult women, timid, shy, without much spine, people pleasers. Who won't say no for various reasons. And might end up dead or brain damaged as a result.

Pissing into each others mouths won't kill you. So whatever, some people claim to like it, and it shouldn't be made illegal. Choking kills. So that should be a crime.

Yep

I think the issue is about the concept of liking or not liking.

That's exactly why people are saying that extreme, degrading and dangerous porn has been normalised.

if something has been normalised, you're obviously going to get people who think it's normal, and other people who don't.

This sounds shit. 15 years of shit sex, get out while you're still young

Yes, except I have an amount of compassion for women who have been educated by a pornsick rape culture.

Okay I am going to step away from this thread that has clearly stepped back about 40 years, because god forbid women are allowed to enjoy and want more than laying on their back staring at the ceiling. I too wish you well, like I said - we will agree to disagree.

Thankfully in this day and age we are perfectly entitled to use correct language to describe things, if you want to dress it up to disguise what it actually is to make it appear more palatable then feel free. Some of us will continue to call it what it is, violence against women.

Just because a woman wants to do it does not mean that we as a society should just step back and let her make that stupid choice. It doesn't exist in a vacuum. She isn't the only person potentially harmed by it.

Men wanting to choke women = bad because the woman could potentially die or have a catastrophic brain injury. This is not good for women.

Woman wanting man to choke her = bad because the man could potentially end up killing her, leading to a long prison sentence and his life being ruined, leaving fatherless (and motherless) children. This is not good for men.

We as a society do not allow people to consent to being killed/seriously harmed for sexual gratification. So no, the fact that the woman wants this dangerous and stupid thing doesn't make it ok. The rough sex defence went in the bin after the Natalie Connolly case, as it should have.

I agree with lots of what you say but think you're wrong in blaming women.

It's misogyny that is making them act this way most of the time.

The blame lays with men, their porn addictions.

I would love to see the stats breakdown for LGBT couples.

Her conclusions are reinforced by the findings of the porn industry review commissioned by former Prime Minister Rishi Sunak. It found content involving NFS was "rife on mainstream platforms", and recommended making, possessing or publishing porn showing women being strangled during sex, a crime. It isn't currently illegal to depict online.

I find it absolutely astonishing that it's illegal in real life, but not to be shown in "porn." If boys are watching this from an early age, it's hardly surprising that they're emulating it.

The Government ought to act and criminalise it as a matter of urgency.

Schools need to address it, too. It's out in the wild and trying to ignore it, by not mentioning porn in sex & relationships classes seems to be a misstep. Boys need to be taught that it's nasty, dangerous and abnormal; girls too and that they must not accept it, or anything they don't like.

I'd have appreciated an answer to what was wrong with the language I used in pp. But never mind.

You really are down the rabbit hole aren’t you? You’ve been persuaded that this is liberating for you and that is deeply troubling, and it’s even leading you to making misogynistic comments to the other women on this thread. Not cool at all.

What is don't understand is that I thought this poster was defending all those things? So I honestly don't see how those terms were objectionable.

The anus is not designed or meant for sex.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/aug/11/rise-in-popularity-of-anal-sex-has-led-to-health-problems-for-women

"Women in the UK are suffering injuries and other health problems as a result of the growing popularity of anal sex among straight couples, two NHS surgeons have warned.The consequences include incontinence and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) as well as pain and bleeding because they have experienced bodily trauma while engaging in the practice, the doctors write in an article in the British Medical Journal....."

Please @Alittlebit9 can't you see how you are framing this? In what world being 'free not to enjoy' strangulation any form of liberation, as if we should try all these things before deciding we don't like them? Choices aren't made in a vacuum. The concept that it is in any way normal for men to attack women for the pleasure of either person is a truly bizarre one. Every woman who asks to be strangled during sex is creating a sexual experience for her partner that will be part of their sexual enjoyment in the future and may make them more likely to impose it on others in the future. You may not believe it but I'm not therefore suggesting the woman shouldn't do it (though obviously I wish they wouldn't). Just that you accept that 'free choices' come out of lived experience and a social environment, and in this case an environment soaked in porn of increasing violence.

Legally you cannot consent to any form of assault. The exception to this is boxing, however other forms of athletic or competitive fighting are not protected. So while we can focus on strangulation during sex being illegal - a wrestler inside the ring could also be legally prosecuted for assault during a consensual match.

This has been particularly highlighted since a tattooist and “body mod artist” went to jail for gross bodily harm for performing previously “grey area” procedures on consenting clients.

If your concern with strangulation during sex is that people aren’t aware of the risk, then what we are missing is education. Sweeping it away won’t fix or stop any of it, so rather we should focus on open conversations about consent and making sure everyone is informed.

Some here don’t like it at all but many women do experience sexual pleasure from this act. Some even get pleasure from receiving anal sex. I don’t think it’s particularly feminist to deny these women and disregard their voices on their own experience.

Me too, yet takes exception to the correct words being used?! See also their latest post where the misogynistic language is being deployed now, this isn’t someone as at ease with what they’re doing as they would like us to believe. Me thinks they do protest too much!

Would he perhaps like it done to him (I rather doubt that!)

That’s the whole point though, it’s never going to be the other way round is it? He’s in no danger whatsoever.

The issue is it's a lot more dangerous for women, they don't have a prostate, young girls are being pressurised into it, because the boys asking them think it's normal, and so do the girls.

It's good for the man, because the anus is a smaller aperture. So, of course, girls are pressured. Girls and women, obviously.

There's a Mumsnetter who is a surgeon, specifically in the area of, I don't know what you call it, injuries after sex?

Her descriptions of the horrific damage to young girls who 'consented' are heartbreaking.

I would, however, like to ask a genuine question?

What, actually, do you get out of it, other than knowing it's turning on your partner?

You haven’t upset me.

Your husband orgasms while fantasising about murdering you.