Persuading a TA to change her mind

[HalfArsedTerf]

I am passionate about women's fightback against the aggressive gender activists but at the same time I am dependent on my income from running a small business in a small town, so cannot be "out" for fear of TA doing something to harm me. So I do what I can, anonymously on here and on X.

On my FB feed I repost GC news to "friends only". I share screenshots showing the latest madness (e.g. men in women's sports, toilets, prisons etc.) By doing this I have successfully peaked a number of friends. Coward that I am, I never make any comment of my own, so nobody can ever quote me saying something "twansfobic" and then using it to punish me financially.

I found out that a local acquaintance who has for 15 years been on my FB friends list blocked me. When a mutual acquaintance asked why she cited my so-called transphobia. She can only be basing this on my sharing screenshots of news reports on FB.

I don't really understand why a disagreement on this issue means she has to block me. I have a few thousand FB friends and bet we have different views on religion, political allegiance, sexuality, etc. This seems to be the ONE issue which leads to being sent to Coventry.

She is past middle age and (like me) a wheelchair user who is a disability rights campaigner. Her profile declares she is a lifelong feminist, so I find her stance incomprehensible.

I worry that she may poison half the town against me by spreading news of what a hateful bigot she imagines I am and urging other local people to ostracise me.

When I go out I frequently encounter her and although I am nervous I have decided that if I see her, I will confront her, woman to woman, face to face, on this issue. I will try my best to be calm, rational and friendly.

I keep rehearsing things to say in the hope of making her see that agreeing with genderists' demands is not compatible with either feminism or the rights of the disabled to same-sex care. I have seen her advertise for female carers so it's puzzling that she had taken the genderists' side.

Any ideas on what I can say to her that will induce a "light-bulb" moment and make her realise that she is supporting an ideology that harms women, especially the disabled?

I do wonder what people would do if they were actually faced with this issue when they hold such strong GC views.

This is such a misconception though. I'm not meaning to target you, Lara, it's just that this sentence sums up my point really well.

We are faced with this issue. Posters on here are the mothers, sisters, daughters, aunties, fathers and friends of trans people. That's what informs our experience. And, yes, our pro-women views.

It's uncomfortable for TRAs (again, not aimed at you Lara) to acknowledge that. It's easier to say that all "GCs" live in a trans-free bubble, do you actually know any trans people is a common gotcha remark.

Yes. We do.

I am also the mother of a trans person. I wouldn't want to engage with OP on FB either.

The 'you don't know any trans people' is indeed a common gotcha that always fails. Because this is mumsnet and many posters do indeed know people with transgender identities.

Of course, for some posters it is far easier to dismiss an opinion if they can miscategorise it as hateful and bigoted, as what happens on other social media platforms. And part of that misclassification revolves around the belief that none of us know any people who have transgender identities and are therefore ignorant.

Instead of taking the time to understand the points of view, to ask questions and ask what people have read or experienced to understand the point of view, some posters do feel that having read somewhere that MNer are ignorant transphobes who hate transgender people.

I agree @LarasLupins it's 100% the other woman's right to step away

I agree Helleofabore, it's one of two popular (and sometimes amusing) misconceptions. The other being "GCs obviously have a sad, empty and lonely life with nothing better to do than persecute trans people all day".

Erm, nope! Sorry to disappoint. I have a fulfilling and happy life and I want all women and girls to have that too without certain male bodied people encroaching on our spaces, services and sports!

I think it's such an emotional subject on both sides, and both sides need to listen to each other. I would be incredibly upset if OP harangued me in the street and tried to force her views on me. I'm just trying to do the best I can in the situation and offering love and support. I don't think any extreme view that blocks out all others can be good. I'm not meaning you @Helleofabore or you @Greyskybluesky . It just seems extreme to me to be considering accosting this woman as OP doesn't know why she has blocked her. A healthy debate if the other woman starts one is a completely different matter.

LarasLupins. We don't know really what type of relationship the OP had.

There seems to be some confused hurt in the posts that I have read that the OP might also need to get answers on. To me, I read OP's posts not as OP going up to have it out with this woman, but to have a discussion about why she was blocked after all this time.

Not saying this to be contrary, but why would it be accosting if the OP mentions it but a healthy debate if the other woman wants to start one? Doesn't that indicate a negative judgement about the OP.

My experience is it's very often NOT the family doing banishment. And they have NOT been anti-trans or anything but supportive.

It's the trans person that does the rejecting because the very existence of their family is an inconvenient reminder of their past. And they just want to run away from themselves. Which of course is impossible but rejecting your family is the next closest thing.

It's just the way it came across to me. Perhaps I'm wrong. OP seems to have left the building anyway.

Ok, that's not been my experience though

It's been the experience of quite a few people I know.

It's awful to watch happening in slow motion to family members who have bent over backwards for it only to be slapped in the face with rejection and really unfair criticism.

It's funny how this isn't acknowledged as a common outcome... It's ALWAYS regarded as the fault of the family without question. (Which is part of the reason this is a taboo subject - those families feel they have failed in someway or feel they will be judged over the whole situation).

Please don't deny the reality of others because it's beyond your experience.

I'm certainly not denying other people's experience and it's tragic for those families. I only meant it's not my personal experience with my adult child, we're very close thankfully. There are so many points of view on all this that all need listening to.

It's not only in the arts etc.where one is in danger of losing jobs. Nurse Peggie works for the NHS. Maya Forstater was nowhere near the arts. Everywhere has been captured and it's going to take a while to get them unhooked.