Persuading a TA to change her mind

[HalfArsedTerf]

I am passionate about women's fightback against the aggressive gender activists but at the same time I am dependent on my income from running a small business in a small town, so cannot be "out" for fear of TA doing something to harm me. So I do what I can, anonymously on here and on X.

On my FB feed I repost GC news to "friends only". I share screenshots showing the latest madness (e.g. men in women's sports, toilets, prisons etc.) By doing this I have successfully peaked a number of friends. Coward that I am, I never make any comment of my own, so nobody can ever quote me saying something "twansfobic" and then using it to punish me financially.

I found out that a local acquaintance who has for 15 years been on my FB friends list blocked me. When a mutual acquaintance asked why she cited my so-called transphobia. She can only be basing this on my sharing screenshots of news reports on FB.

I don't really understand why a disagreement on this issue means she has to block me. I have a few thousand FB friends and bet we have different views on religion, political allegiance, sexuality, etc. This seems to be the ONE issue which leads to being sent to Coventry.

She is past middle age and (like me) a wheelchair user who is a disability rights campaigner. Her profile declares she is a lifelong feminist, so I find her stance incomprehensible.

I worry that she may poison half the town against me by spreading news of what a hateful bigot she imagines I am and urging other local people to ostracise me.

When I go out I frequently encounter her and although I am nervous I have decided that if I see her, I will confront her, woman to woman, face to face, on this issue. I will try my best to be calm, rational and friendly.

I keep rehearsing things to say in the hope of making her see that agreeing with genderists' demands is not compatible with either feminism or the rights of the disabled to same-sex care. I have seen her advertise for female carers so it's puzzling that she had taken the genderists' side.

Any ideas on what I can say to her that will induce a "light-bulb" moment and make her realise that she is supporting an ideology that harms women, especially the disabled?

Blimey I only have around a hundred FB friends 😆

I'd leave it and if you see her, be pleasant and friendly, and wait for her to mention something. She is going to look like a twit if she tries to make out that this lovely pleasant local business owner (you) is transphobic just for sharing links to publicly available news sites.

This is inappropriate, she’s allowed to disagree with you and choose to not look at what you’re sharing, without being accosted and forced into a debate in the street.

Another perspective: she has blocked you because she realises that TWAW has become untenable these days, and that it is actually her who looks like a fool. She can’t confront you because she knows you are right, so she is resorting to the petty, pointless act of blocking you. Next time you meet her, just give her an extra nice smile. The facts speak for themselves.

As for her spreading rumours about you, I agree with another poster that the best you can do is throw yourself into your work and do your best. You can’t control what others think. I’d perhaps also be a bit wary of the troublemaking person who told you about the block.

I would block you too 💯 and yes, your re-posts would stop me supporting your business

. Her profile declares she is a lifelong feminist, so I find her stance incomprehensible.

You don't get to tell people how to be a feminist!

I mean, your hero JK Rowling hid her gender (some feminist!) and wrote her adults books under a pen name - the name is the man who invented the vile gay conversion. Just horrific and you all lap her up.

But as I say- you don't get to tell people how to be a feminist.

Hear hear.

I don't want to harangue her with loads and loads of other points but maybe one or two more, just enough to make her realise that what she is supporting is anti feminist

The irony!

YOU telling her what she must and must not believe is 100% anti feminist!

What are you actually on about? You're not making much sense, StMarie.

I would leave her to it, if she doesn’t want to know then she doesn’t want to know.

Do you know how long ago she blocked you? I understand your anxiety about her misrepresenting your posts, but if she blocked you a while ago and nothings been said then hopefully that’s reassuring. I think having a conversation about it is more likely to escalate it and give her something more to talk about than a few shared news articles.

She’s obviously told one mutual acquaintance and it doesn’t sound like anything’s come of it.

If you have thousands of Facebook friends then it’s more likely people will unfriend or block you rather than just unfollow you if they don’t like what you post or post a lot as presumably you are not very close to thousands of people.

JK Rowling did what many of the best loved and most successful female authors have done throughout literary history, and chose pen names she thought would help maximise sales of her books.

It's absolutely bonkers that you are equating a female author using a male pen name with men claiming to be women and demanding the right to access women's single sex spaces. Go and read a book about feminism FFS.

And are you genuinely not embarrassed to be spouting such nonsense about it being a tribute to an obscure doctor who supported gay conversion therapy? She has been incredibly vocal about being totally against gay conversion therapy. That's one of the reasons why she opposes young gay people being encouraged to identify as straight members of the opposite sex.

OP there are a few people on this thread with an agenda who are trying to cause an argument. I hope you can take something from the constructive advice that's been given, even if it has been blunt.

I'd be very wary of confronting her, OP. If she is a true believer, any direct conflict will only increase the risk of her targeting your business. I completely understand why you're worried about this, but I think the safest approach for you would be to act friendly to her, as if you don't know anything about the block. Let her be the first to bring it up (if she ever does), and drastically underplay your commitment to being GC. I realise that's dishonest and very frustrating, but letting her think she is successfully starting to "educate" a terf would be one of the best ways to avoid her targeting your livelihood. Whereas direct conflict won't change her mind, no matter what you say, and deepening her dislike of you can only hurt you.

If you really want this to blow up and become the talk of the town by all means challenge her, preferably in a crowded coffee shop or maybe the market. If you want to maintain your standing I would leave this woman be. It's ok to have different views and your chances of converting her are zero. You've more to lose.

When I go out I frequently encounter her and although I am nervous I have decided that if I see her, I will confront her, woman to woman, face to face, on this issue.
I was going to suggest what the above poster has said. Don't confront. If the subject does come up then go for a dismissive "have you blocked me? I hadn't noticed"
It might be an idea to link to some articles about people being peaked, the tide turning, sports bodies finally waking up, etc. Let her be on the wrong side of history, it's not your problem.

I'd echo the previous comment about thinking about why you are worrying that your business might be at risk from a whispering campaign by one person. If you are good at your job and value-for-money then people will vote with their wallets.

And they will learn at smear tests medical appointments times when they are at their most vulnerable

Stop lumping everyone together

Stop lumping everyone together

Hear hear! Back at you StMarie4me you don't get to tell people how to be a feminist

I mean, your hero JK Rowling hid her gender (some feminist!) and wrote her adults books under a pen name - the name is the man who invented the vile gay conversion. Just horrific and you all lap her up.

You had your arse handed to you on another thread for spouting this silly fake news, and here you are trying it again.

If you're blocked, leave her alone. It's social media. If she doesn't want to be sociable with you, it's her choice.

Another perspective: she has blocked you because she realises that TWAW has become untenable these days, and that it is actually her who looks like a fool. She can’t confront you because she knows you are right, so she is resorting to the petty, pointless act of blocking you. Next time you meet her, just give her an extra nice smile. The facts speak for themselves.

I think this is often the case (not saying it definitely is in your case). Cognitive dissonance is a heavy load, and people don't like having it pierced and having to confront these issues.

Sorry meant to quote @Holeinamole

I think you're really over thinking this. If you keep trying to persuade her though then you are likely to make his into much more of an issue than it probably actually is. Just let her step away, no fuss. Don't confront her if you see her, just say hello and move on.

Agree @Lyn397

She is past middle age and (like me) a wheelchair user who is a disability rights campaigner.

Do you see her at events in the course of this disability rights activism, @HalfArsedTerf? If so, I would just be pleasant and not say anything about the blocking.

Are you sure she isn't just a bit irritated by you posting links to news stories without any input from you?

I'm very much GC too, but I wonder if she might possibly be thinking the equivalent of on here when an OP just drops something and asks for opinions or experiences from others, to the inevitable (not unreasonable) response of "You first!"

Could she even be thinking that you hold opposite views to the ones that you actually do and are hoping to snare GC people into responding and showing their hands?!