Persuading a TA to change her mind

[HalfArsedTerf]

I am passionate about women's fightback against the aggressive gender activists but at the same time I am dependent on my income from running a small business in a small town, so cannot be "out" for fear of TA doing something to harm me. So I do what I can, anonymously on here and on X.

On my FB feed I repost GC news to "friends only". I share screenshots showing the latest madness (e.g. men in women's sports, toilets, prisons etc.) By doing this I have successfully peaked a number of friends. Coward that I am, I never make any comment of my own, so nobody can ever quote me saying something "twansfobic" and then using it to punish me financially.

I found out that a local acquaintance who has for 15 years been on my FB friends list blocked me. When a mutual acquaintance asked why she cited my so-called transphobia. She can only be basing this on my sharing screenshots of news reports on FB.

I don't really understand why a disagreement on this issue means she has to block me. I have a few thousand FB friends and bet we have different views on religion, political allegiance, sexuality, etc. This seems to be the ONE issue which leads to being sent to Coventry.

She is past middle age and (like me) a wheelchair user who is a disability rights campaigner. Her profile declares she is a lifelong feminist, so I find her stance incomprehensible.

I worry that she may poison half the town against me by spreading news of what a hateful bigot she imagines I am and urging other local people to ostracise me.

When I go out I frequently encounter her and although I am nervous I have decided that if I see her, I will confront her, woman to woman, face to face, on this issue. I will try my best to be calm, rational and friendly.

I keep rehearsing things to say in the hope of making her see that agreeing with genderists' demands is not compatible with either feminism or the rights of the disabled to same-sex care. I have seen her advertise for female carers so it's puzzling that she had taken the genderists' side.

Any ideas on what I can say to her that will induce a "light-bulb" moment and make her realise that she is supporting an ideology that harms women, especially the disabled?

Best advice on here Lyn397

OP if you have a few thousand friends on Facebook, then they aren't your friends. A large number of them have likely forgotten who you are.

People use Facebook differently and lots won't think about etiquette between muting and blocking.

Given you run a small business I'd think about what it is you want to project about yourself on Facebook.

Is it keeping in touch with friends and family? If so you need to cull a few thousand contacts.

Is it raising awareness of your business? Then everything needs to be strictly professional, no politics and just marketing

Something else? You still need to consider impacts on your business.

But by sharing something like that you are expressing your opinion. It is never a good idea to share anything like this on a SM page. Even people who secretly agree with you can find it uncomfortable.

Firstly, I'm sorry this is making you feel nervous. There are two aspects to this 1. Im worried she could harm my business, 2. How do I convince her to believe what I believe.

1. Do you have any reason to actually believe she would actively harm your business? I have blocked a couple of people on SM as their feeds became a repetitive hammering of a single issue (not saying yours was at all) so I blocked them. Even though I strongly did oppose their views it would never have occured to me to say anything about it in the real world. Certainly not even to start a campaign. However, that may change if they came up to me in public and tried to raise the issue. I honestly would think they were a little unhinged and would tell people of the encounter.

Think of a topic you disagree with politically and imagine someone of a similar relationship level coming up to you to try and convince you about it. I think this tactic will do much more harm to your business.

1. My advice is to not try and convince her. Certainly none of your points, even good ones will resonate if you drop them on her in what she believes is a casual catch up.

Again sorry this is giving you so much anxiety.

OP said in the first post that the blocker directly cited OP's transphobia as the reason for the block.

Separate your business fb from your personal profile, if you haven't already.

Business - keep it professional and related to your business. Posts relating to your private life should be linked to your business somehow. Boundaries.

Personal - use it how you want and accept that some people won't like what you say. Set your own boundaries and accept that others have them, too.

OP actually said "so-called transphobia"
Not the same

@Greyskybluesky That means OP doesn't think it's transphobia. But the blocker said something pertaining to transphobia, ie it's not a total mystery what motivated the block. So not much sense speculating that maybe the blocking woman is actually GC herself, or OP just posts too much on one subject, etc...

Leave the poor woman alone. She disagrees with you. She’s allowed to.

She’s not going to suddenly see the light because that woman from the shop she blocked on Facebook buttonholed her and started making the GC case at her.

If you don’t want people to know your political or moral views to protect your business, don’t post articles on your Facebook page. Stick to non-controversial content only.

I would think she’s far more likely to say things that damage your reputation if you try to convince her what she believes is wrong and anti-feminist than if you are the polite woman she doesn’t know well but disagrees with.

Basically, back off. You’re over thinking this.

I think to be honest I'd pretend I hadn't even noticed and just carry on as normal when you see her. I couldn't be arsed to get into any debate with her over it unless she brings it up herself - in which case I would just ask questions...and more questions...until she ties herself up in knots and realised what she's actually supporting 😂

I think it's really quite arrogant of you to think you need to provide this person with a "light bulb moment".

People are allowed to disagree with you 🤷‍♀️

I don't think there's much point. She blocked you as she no longer wants contact with you. You weren't close real life friends.
If she was going to start badmouthing you I'd imagine it would be made worse if she feels you didn't respect her views and were insistent on trying to change her mind.

I wouldn’t "confront" her or try to make her change her mind, for fear it will just antagonise and inflame her further and lead her to do mischief.

If you feel you must do something, perhaps just say (or write to her) saying you’re sorry to hear that she considers you transphobic as you're not and would want all trans people to live their lives in peace and security. You do feel strongly on the subject of women's single-sex spaces, sports, etc. and realise that she has different opinions, but hope that the two of you can just politely agree to disagree.

Arguing with her won’t change her mind.

As an additional thought, I noticed in your OP that you seemed to be pretty contemptuous of people who didn't agree with you (e.g. - writing 'twansfobia' instead of 'transphobia'). Were you posting things with that kind of tone? I think that's the kind of thing that makes it harder for people to 'agree to disagree' .

And of course, it's your right to not want to be friends with people who don't agree with you, but I feel like it's maybe a bit unreasonable to then be upset when people then distance themselves from you.

Couldn't agree more! The ranting about the blue haired brigade says a lot about the kind of person the OP is too.

The fretting about people blocking you and stereotyping all the people who disagree with you and the very strange obsession with one person being able to ruin your business as well as deciding to confront someone who hasn't done anything to you is incredibly childish OP.

Leave the poor woman alone! She clearly wants nothing to do with you.

Not contempt but RIDICULE.

I write it like that because "transphobia" is a very stupid, made-up word whose only purpose is to silence even the smallest, politest and most reasonable objections to allowing men to enter female safe spaces which are protected in British law, to beat women in women's sports and to putting rapists in women's prisons.

"Transphobia" is a thought-terminating cliche, a weapon to silence women (and men) who have concerns about children being mutilated and put on wrong sex hormones.

I don't suffer from a "phobia", I merely wish to uphold existing law and the social contract.

just let it go.
Ive lost loads of friends over this issue, but ive gained a lot more.

Think of it as the trash that took itself out.

@anon2022anon

"3- a great big chunk of people in real life don't care. "

Then they should be made to. Sitting back whilst ghouls convince little girls to have their breasts amputated is an abrogration of responsibility towards other human beings.

Kindly, if you want to peak people you need to be more subtle than that, in my experience.

I think this is the way to go

@HalfArsedTerf no, that's your opinion. For what's it's worth, I also don't agree with it. But I don't agree with all sorts of shit in the world, or I'm on the fence about other stuff, or I actively don't think about some beyond my original learning of it. We all do. Others have different opinions. This is just the drum you've chosen to bang. Others might choose whatever the hell they want, or nothing at all. Are you sharing shit about, idk, the marriage laws in other countries being lowered, about abortion rights in America, about the lack of mental health support in the UK, about the way autism diagnosis is on the increase but the way the country is set up isn't changing, which is a possible cause of some kids wanting to transition? Or disability rights, or a million other things that we can all join in on? Or have you chosen your subject and YOU have decided, that's what all other people should have at the top of the agenda?

I, and this woman, are allowed to block people if we feel that their behaviour is annoying, or excessive, or that they're all talk and no action, or a million different reasons. You, as the person who has been blocked, have absolutely no right to keep on giving your opinion to her, she hasn't asked for it, she's actively avoiding it.

You can keep on, you can confront her, but you do so knowing that you are likely to piss off someone who has shown you they don't want to see it, and so the repercussions might affect you or your business. If you've changed your mind from the OP and it's worth the risk, crack on.

This sounds a bit unhinged tbh. I routinely block people who happen to be annoying me for whatever reason, or who keep banging on about a subject when my interest is in a different direction at the moment. Sometimes I just decide I don't much like the person. To be considering confronting the poor woman and trying to convert her to your viewpoint seems crazy behaviour. Unless she brings it up herself and wants to discuss it with it would be better to leave it. Also just don't post things that you think might have a negative effect on your business. I imagine posting things without giving a clue what your viewpoint is is probably quite annoying too. I wouldn't know what to think of someone who did that. But anyway I think you're making a much bigger deal of it than us necessary, I doubt she gives you a thought.

Why not hit them with this appalling crime against children?