Newly trans colleague sexual harassment

[parallelignition]

Hi,

Over the past 2 years a male colleague has made inappropriate sexual comments, spoke in length to me about a sexual fantasy and makes various jokes with sexual innuendos. I have reported him three times for the more serious things but has only had warnings. He knows he is on thin ice so over the last year only minor innuendos have been said. Yesterday he made a comment making me feel uneasy (about a threesome). Today he has come out as trans in a meeting.

I feel really upset today. It’s like he’s trying to bring me in to his sexual fantasy where he wasn’t properly able to before. I don’t want to refer to him as she or share toilets with him. I feel I need to mention how I’m feeling to management but don’t know how to without seeming transphobic and getting into trouble. I have to work closely with him unfortunately. Is there any advice on how I can handle this?

No because one thing you learn early when you’re a woman in a tech field where women are particularly rare is that the men will always protect other men. When the TW colleague got creepier I stopped working in that office. I’d visit as I had people based there but never stay long enough I’d need the loo.

I think I would simply report the harassment, factually, making no reference to his 'trans' announcement, but also listing again the previous complaints you have made, and how it is a pattern.

@DisillusionedTech that's so wrong, for you to have to avoid the toilets because no one would back you up. I think your post is a perfect snapshot of why women don't want TW in the ladies toilet and why so many men are quite happy to say TWAW because it doesn't impact them in the slightest.
I'm very glad you're so insightful and protected yourself

I know it’s not always possible or practical but if you can I’d look for another job, my instinct would be to leave before it becomes a bigger problem and you get accused of ‘transphobia’ for daring to mention creepy man has been creepy.

The fact that you e reported him multiple times and they’ve done nothing to protect you made me think of this recent case. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14438119/NHS-nurse-quit-colleague-refused-tea-payout.html

id report him again for what he said yesterday. Remind them this is now the 4th time you have reported him, he’s had multiple warnings and ask them in writing/email what they are going to do to protect you from this ongoing serious harassment.

Thanks for your kind posts Daleksatemyshed

OP, Sheila Jeffreys has just produced a report for the Reem Alsalem at the UN in which she argues that women who are expected to work alongside and affirm and validate TWs are being subjected to harassment:

You might want to listen to her and see if it chimes with you. If it does, you might want to suggest to HR/ management that you feel harassed and would like to raise a grievance.