How best to answer 'What are your preferred pronouns?' in an intervew

[NancyDrawed]

I have been out of the workforce for a very long time but finally have an in-person interview later this week.

The confirmation email is signed by a name followed by (he/him/his). I need to get a job. But I am trying to get my head around what I would say if I was directly asked what my preferred pronouns are.

On principle I would like to say 'I'm not a follower of that ideology so use whichever you see fit' or something along those lines, but is that likely to mean I have no chance of getting the job?

I am clearly female, so a small part of me would want to say he/him/his just to see the reaction!

It might not even come up at all, but I'd like to be prepared.

Are you George Harrison?

Well if you want a potential employer to think you've potentially got a confrontational or arsey attitude, feel free to go along with some of these suggestions.

Otherwise say she/her, no further comment required.

OP said she is 'clearly female' so yes I'd say she identifies that way. I am a female, I identify as female, I'm never upset at confirming I would like to be called a female, even if the question feels a bit redundant.

It's a job interview, if it's important to you to say your piece have at it, but we both know they won't hire you afterwards because they will worry you would be problematic with their workforce and it will seem like you are out of touch with social norms/ expectations.

I left my last job because my boss was a narcissistic bullying tyrant, but when they ask me at interview I'll smile sweetly and say I was interested in new opportunities because that is the social script for an interview question.

Oh come on, they're not going to ask that. What is the point of getting worked up about something that has not happened (and is unlikely to ever happen)?

Strawman arguments weaken the actual argument.

Well, no, it's a useful descriptor.

If someone has a name that gives no information or cultural clues and it's in an email/written form then you have no idea whether Alex is male or female, unless Alex lists pronouns in their signature. You'd be mad that Alex wanted people to know that she was female, instead of people assuming they were talking to Alex a man? Why?

Do people remember preferred pronouns? I have enough problems with names and even faces! Throw pronouns into the mix and I’m doomed.

Difficult/arsehole should cover it.

Many of these companies are not intentionally “woke”. They’ve been institutionally captured. Especially if public sector organisations or large capitalist companies. There’s a connection.

It’s likely the person who signed off the email he/him/whatever did so without giving their brain too much thought as to what it represents. They’re following protocol, for some, they think they’re keeping ahead with the times, scared of being perceived as being left behind.

It’s pathetic really. I doubt you’ll be asked this question in real life.

I’d be tempted to go to town with it if you did get asked! They/them/ze/zir depending on the day of the week, elaborate at length on how it varies each day of the week.

@deargodno why does it matter if Alex is male or female? How will you treat them differently once you know what sex they are?

Because I get a lot of emails addressed to "Dear sir," which is both mis-sexing and mis-gendering me. I work in a predominantly male industry. I have actually had women come up to me before and say that it's nice to have another woman in the company. They appreciate knowing, if they're new, that I'm also a woman.

What on Earth difference would it make to a work related conversation whether Alex is male or female? Worst case scenario - you might get it wrong once and then say “oh sorry” and then carry on like grown ups because until this utter nonsense turned up 5 minutes ago that was what we did. Back before it was decided that “misgendering” someone was “literal violence” we just said “oh sorry I didn’t realise you were a man” and carried on as before

(in fact what research does show is that women are disadvantaged when they draw attention to their sex)

But to go back to the original topic, it shouldn't be asked what your preferred pronouns are as it's considered bad etiquette to do so. It's one of those things where people mention it if they're comfortable doing so but you don't ask otherwise.

I replied "ooh interesting question I've never really thought about it before" they tripped over themselves to not force me into picking an answer there and then I was mighty baffled

@deargodno these days if I saw Alex (she/her) in an email signature I would not make any assumption at all that the person emailing me was female. Probably assume the opposite, given that they feel the need to specify. And indeed, required pronouns being given don't and cannot tell you anything about the person's sex, given that gender identity is entirely separate and not dependent on the person's sex.

In my head: "f&ck off!"

To the interviewer: "Thank you for your time today".

When I went for my first midwife appointment she asked me about my gender identity, I've been asked this before so just answered female as I couldn't be bothered having a long conversation about it. She then asked me if I was assigned female at birth. I said to my husband later that, if I was born male, I'd be a medical marvel since I'm pretty sure trans women can't get pregnant!

Surely they can't ask, in the same way they they can't ask if you're gay/disabled/a parent?

Well, that's very courteous of you, FlirtswithRhinos! My pronouns are he/him, thank you for asking!

My experience of being referred to on this forum is not usually so wholesome.

Wouldn’t a job application ask your sex? If the sex is female, use the feminine pronouns. If the sex is male, use the masculine ones.

Weirdly paranoid, I guess you also believe that the earth is flat and 5G caused covid.

It’s not weirdly paranoid at all. The fact you’re conflating it with flat earth and 5G is kinda odd.

I absolutely would not assume anyone with she/her pronouns on their bio or email was a woman either.

Did you get the job?

In reality, you wouldn’t be asked that question in a job interview! If a company did ask it, I’d think twice about the job.

You could respond

'ooo, that's cool, can I choose whatever I like?'

In reality, I would say "I really don't mind". Then, if they did look puzzled or press me on it, I'd explain my actual thinking.

A name is a label people use to pick you out, but pronouns like he/she are descriptive. If I ask you to use particular pronouns when referring to me, then I'm telling you how I want you to describe me. I find that uncomfortable and one step away from "Pretty Parrot the Great and Terrible". I'd be more interested in how you describe me without me prompting you tbh.

I hope this makes sense to someone!

i've been asked both my gender identity and my preferred pronouns on application forms. I've never been asked directly in interview (i've had a few recently!), but i HAVE experienced having all the panel members give their pronouns while introducing themselves, with the tacit expectation that I would give mine when I introduced myself.