How best to answer 'What are your preferred pronouns?' in an intervew

[NancyDrawed]

I have been out of the workforce for a very long time but finally have an in-person interview later this week.

The confirmation email is signed by a name followed by (he/him/his). I need to get a job. But I am trying to get my head around what I would say if I was directly asked what my preferred pronouns are.

On principle I would like to say 'I'm not a follower of that ideology so use whichever you see fit' or something along those lines, but is that likely to mean I have no chance of getting the job?

I am clearly female, so a small part of me would want to say he/him/his just to see the reaction!

It might not even come up at all, but I'd like to be prepared.

It wouldn't come up verbally at interview I'm pretty sure. It's probably just a thing they do to try and seem 'inclusive'. I'd also imagine you could opt out of having it in your email footer etc.

But that can be discussed if/when you get the job. I certainly wouldn't put it in the forefront of my mind during the interview process.

By it's very nature, they can't choose to put a gender or pronoun there on your behalf without your consent as it's meant to be your own 'identity'.

I would act confused, as anyone would have a decade or two ago before this nonsense became a thing.

Personally I wouldn't want to work for an organisation that believed in this ideology. It's letting yourself in for a world of pain.

@ditalini I completely agree with this and I've never heard a response to this argument.

Asking someone directly to state their religion or their sexuality or their disability on zoom next to their name so that everyone feels comfortable would be ridiculous and never allowed. It's private and we shouldn't be forced to declare it. Why is "gender identity" any different? Why do people need to know?

Yes people will make assumptions and use the pronouns they see fit, but luckily they'll do it behind your back. Someone calling you "he" when you identify as a "she" behind your back is nowhere near as upsetting as being forced to either out yourself or lie.

People make assumptions about many things including sexuality. If a man says they're going bowling with their other half, people will respond asking about "her" on the whole. It's the default. I see it at work all the time. An inclusive workplace would expect others to respect the fact someone is gay but they wouldn't bloody ask you to declare your sexuality as you join the Teams meeting.

According to gender ideology your gender identity works in the same way. Unless pronouns are completely optional and not pressured then workplaces are being the opposite of inclusive.

At my place of work you can add your pronouns to your email signature if you wish (a few people have) but it's not compulsory. I have not added mine and nobody has ever asked me for them.

I was more bothered by the policy of stopping "Dear Sir/Madam" as "Dear (Company)" just doesn't flow. I actively need to do that, whereas pronouns are just sitting there.

“So sorry I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

It’s not a courtesy.

It an attempt to force people to take part in an ideology they want nothing to do with.

Bollocks.
Asking someone what their preferred pronouns are is checking whether you’re a useful idiot or likely to cause trouble.
All my colleagues use them, on closer inspection most are doing so out of fear or because they haven’t thought about it.
OP I doubt they’ll ask, you have to work out whether you’d be prepared to work somewhere you can’t fly under the radar.

I'd probably just say 'whichever ones you think are best' and then take it from there. I just couldn't bring myself to engage with the she/her claptrap.

Remember, an interview is a two-way process!

This lines up with my argument that some people use the whole trans malarkey as a way of exerting power over others. By chopping and changing they can make you dance to their tune and complain to HR if you don't.

I’d casually say ‘female pronouns are fine’ as if I’d never given the matter any thought. Non-committal but non-cultish. I would never say ‘She/her’.

being sensitive to those transitioning or who don't want to be labelled by their sex ir gender

The problem is that as soon as you accept that a man can be a "she", you unavoidably redefine all women in the world from people with female bodies (a simple and unoffensive truth) to people with some sort of mental "womannyness" (a contested belief which many including me find breathtakingly offensively sexist) and falsely rewrite the history of what happened to female people because they were female into a history where these things might also have happened to male peple because they were "womanny".

So what happens if I as a female bodied person don't agree with those redefinitions being imposed on me? If I have no conflict about my sex but simply don't recognise this "womanhood of the mind" these genderists claim I must have Do I have to rename myself a they/them to free up she/her for the men who want to use it? It might be "sensitive" to them and their identity, but how exactly is it sensitive to me and mine? Why, in short, do we assume men's definition of womanhood takes precedence over women's?

That's it! Your pronoun can just be your name, unless you prefer to be referred to as the cat's mother.

beans wants this, beans said that, beans asked me to put it there, beans said it looks better like that.

I'm just going to say my preferred pronoun is my name from now on.

Does that work?

That’s all very well in theory, but in practice most people don’t have hundreds of options available for jobs in the right area they are qualified for which match their skill set and pay a reasonable salary and are within a sensible commute, so can’t afford to perfectly match their ideology with their employer’s. Specially given that some fields, which might happen to be the thing you have trained for and love and are brilliant at, are Stonewalled across the board.

I’ve encountered this as the opening to an interview. I had to say “Sorry, I’d rather not. I’m not into all that.” It wasn’t a job interview as such and it felt uncomfortable, but I couldn’t have lived with myself if I’d gone along with it.

It was fine though. My position was perfectly clear and there was no rancour. The interviewer was probably just working to a script anyway.

It isn't though. It's assuming that the OP subscribes to this batshit gender ideology. She's female. OP says it's fairly obvious she is. No need for anything else really.

Pronouns are a basic element of grammar, so if you aren't a "follower of that ideology," (the English language, and in fact every language?) it may be best to look for a job that doesn't require language. Maybe grunting at people would work.

I'd give them my pronouns.

Out of interest Dad, what are your pronouns? I sometimes need to refer to you when referring to your posts and I'd hate to get them wrong.

If someone is referring to me by my pronouns, they're not talking to me directly, so I genuinely couldn't care less how they refer to me.

Thanks for that, I've been wondering for a while.

It's awkward to pronounce isn't it? Mux Smith. It sound's like McSmith.
I wonder how many teachers are claiming to be non-binary and requesting this?

Look puzzled: 'I'm sitting right here, you can address me directly.'

Polite fuck off: 'If you're asking how to refer to me in the third person, then I ask, do you have a problem with gossip in the workplace? I expect all conversations about me to be addressed directly to me.'

About to walk out: 'Sex-based, like my oppression' — and leave.
^ Love this one!

If they are just a basic element of grammar, given that English has been functioning broadly the same way for hundreds of years, why is it only recently that suddenly people need to be asked?

Is it perhaps that there's something new going on beyond that "basic element of grammar"?

🙄

As @ditalini saud

“Oh come on - of course you understand. The English language operates on the basis that people use mutually understandable shortcuts to get across an idea.
You're perfectly aware that the op understands that I and me are pronouns and that isn't what's being asked for when one is asked to perform the pronoun game.
In case you genuinely have missed it all - the purpose is to pretend that someone's physical appearance can never be used to make assumptions about the gender (because in this game, sex is irrelevant) of the person being asked the question.
It's dressed up as a simple courtesy, but in fact it's one of the statements of faith of the gender movement and indicates compliance with that”

That's fine, but you can't just decide you don't agree with parts of grammar on an ideological basis. Grammar is fact. It's like deciding you're ideologically against gravity or the number 7.