How best to answer 'What are your preferred pronouns?' in an intervew

[NancyDrawed]

I have been out of the workforce for a very long time but finally have an in-person interview later this week.

The confirmation email is signed by a name followed by (he/him/his). I need to get a job. But I am trying to get my head around what I would say if I was directly asked what my preferred pronouns are.

On principle I would like to say 'I'm not a follower of that ideology so use whichever you see fit' or something along those lines, but is that likely to mean I have no chance of getting the job?

I am clearly female, so a small part of me would want to say he/him/his just to see the reaction!

It might not even come up at all, but I'd like to be prepared.

i look at "what are your pronouns" or other references to pronouns as a proxy for asking you what your Gender Identity is, in the same way i regard the way you have to use "bathroom" when you mean "toilet" in the US. It's a euphemism because people are embarrassed to use the actual word/question for some reason.

Just tell them? It’s not difficult

I wouldn't take a job if that question was asked, it's not a legitimate selection question.

But it won't be.

“I don’t feel that’s an appropriate question for a variety of reasons, I wouldn’t dream of asking you about your gender or sexuality.”

Sex based !!!!

Please tell them your favourite pronoun that you use as often as you can in emails, formal presentations and any other occasion when you represent the company and its values and want to impress with your intelligence and excellent educational background is “myself”.

as in

So please get back to myself with any queries that you have to myself and the team.

Janine, our managing director and myself have re written the staff handbook to reflect the views of the workforce as shown in the questionnaire they completed themselves.

Myself and Jeremy will be looking into this issue for yourself.

Jesus Christ, so you can't talk about them without checking what they've decided to be on that day? Fucking hell, how can you be she, he and they? It sounds like the people you work with really need some help.

OP look offended and say 'can't you tell?'

Just say ‘I’m a woman’.

"Oh, just use whatever you think is appropriate."

I'd say "She and her". Best to play along until you get the job. Then you can start to change things!

I had an interview with an agency years and years ago when they said 'we don't like to assume so we ask absolutely everyone this, which sex do you want us to list you as' and I said female. She was very embarrassed asking me but they obviously had been trained to do that when filling in the forms.

So you could just say 'I'm female so I expect people to call me she or her'

Tbh I'm not anti having pronouns in emails as it can help you know if there's a gender neutral name like Bailey or Lesley.

not say it, sing it.

“I ‘m a woman
W.O.M.A.N”

Did OP say she identified as female? I missed that.

I don't identify as female. I just am.

The distinction might not be important to you but it is to me. It's comparable to my atheism being understood only as my being an apostate/ heretic/ infidel etc. I do not wish to be forcibly defined by a belief system that I do not share.

My preferred pronoun is "you", which is what people use when talking to me.

When I'm not there, they can call me what they like. I am trying to think of any occasion in my life when I was in the room and being talked about in the third person, without my actual name being used. Maybe when my Mum took me to the doctor when I was little.

Which suggests to me that the whole pronouns thing has been made up by the "Well, ackshually" wing of the Very Clever Men Movement.

All the political answers are all very well but I suspect op actually wants to get the job here so I’m not convinced it’s a good idea to come across as stroppy, pedantic, impossibly naive and out of touch or any of the many negative things that can be taken from some of these suggested answers.
If you have been out of the workplace for ages you are on the back foot. There’s a good chance you will be working with a team who are younger than you and need to show you will be able to get on with them. Added to which, it is entirely likely the people interviewing you aren’t massive TRAs but have been told by HR they have to do this, so you’re not going to endear yourself by making a thing of this. Just let them tick the box and move on. I think preferred pronouns are problematic for all kinds of reasons but giving them at a job interview is not the hill I would choose to die on.

👏👏👏 well explained

Interesting. It's true that women not playing along when someone asks them a sexist question are often called difficult. But I'm not sure on a Feminist board that's something to be avoided. If it wasn't for difficult women we'd have no vote, not even the pretence of equal pay, marital rape would still be legal...

I get that an interview may not be the place for a Feminist stand, we all need to pay our bills, but I'd tend to the side of pitying the women who have to play along rather than calling the ones who don't "a difficult arsehole", which rather smacks of a value judgement on your part.

If you want the job I wouldn't be difficult at this stage. They might assume you are an all out bigot and think that you don't see colour and you don't believe in the patriarchy etc and decide that you might be a HR nightmare to employ - wait until you are employed to ourt your (legally protected I believe) gender critical beliefs

Don’t say that, or you will end up as a zee or a zim or an erg or drf or some other meaningless combination of letters that means no one is any the wiser.

Some people say they are she /they

• even more bizarre

You just need to say she/her if you want the job. Afterall, we all do things we don't fully believe in at work.

I didn't get it either, but now realise it's for clarity, so we all get it right (being sensitive to those transitioning or who don't want to be labelled by their sex ir gender).

Good luck, I hope it goes well!

I really wish someone would ask me as I’d love to say my pronouns are cunt/tits. If you don’t refer to me as cunt or tits you’re denying my identity.

TBH I'd think again about working there if you are asked for them. Who'd want to work in a company where they've fallen for this claptrap?
I oppose pronouns because they go against my instinct. I need my instincts for my physical safety as a woman and I don't want to be re-educated into believing men can be women.

People refer to you in the third person. Presumably, as you are posting here, you want this to match the sex on your birth certificate. So, I am guessing, she/her.

Or, you can go full gender critical on them, say pronouns are like Rohypnol, you think trans women are men, and you will not be subjected to their gender ideology. You can then hold your arms up in an X so they know your chromosomes.

Personally, I'd just tell them what your pronouns are.

I'd just say "I'm female" and move on. If they press the issue then that tells you something useful about the workplace environment. If they do press further I'd use a response along the lines of "the usual female pronouns".