There's nothing I can do about this, is there?

[Acunningruse]

Visited a different city today for work and went to a branch of Caffè Nero. I was served by what was very clearly a man, despite his attempt to look female and the fact he was wearing a she/her badge. Said man was wearing extremely tight leggings which, as he was wearing a waist-length t-shirt, meant his manhood was obviously visible. His appearance was a source of mumbling/muttering in the queue and he seemed to be enjoying the attention with a lot of hair-flicking.

I m not able to articulate why this made me so uncomfortable- other than the fact that no way in hell would I want to share a bathroom or changing room with this person.

But there's nothing at all to be done, is there? As any objection would surely be met with accusations of "discrimination " and "be kind".

Just so so frustrating. I just wanted to scream "you are not a woman!!!!" But I can't, can I.

Good point. it's likely there were several small kids in pushchairs with parents having a drink.

Wasn't there a incident recently of a kids soft play place being used after closing for an adults private fetish party?

Boundaries - who needs 'em

L

It certainly shows that this "transwoman " is a man, no woman would go to work in a cafe dressed thusly, because she wouldn't feel safe to wear tights and a t-shirt, with no skirt.

What if this man was dressed like this in a primary school canteen kitchen?

We can make a huge list of all the situations when it’s not socially acceptable. Not only this but his choosing to wear it when it’s clearly not norm shows us that he has another unpleasant or sinister motive.

What harm, in all seriousness, is being inflicted upon you by seeing the outline of a penis under a pair of tights? It is mind boggling to be in any serous way upset about this. All it’d ever get from me is an eye roll and a shrug. Would I encourage my son to dress Iike that? No. Would I tell him not to if he did? Yes. Would I go as far as to harass a staff member in a cafe with a complaint over such a thing? No.

if trans women being allowed to exist publicly isn’t ok with you all, then what do you suggest they do? Crawl under a rock in shame? Do you have any idea if the discrimination trans people experience already? Suicide rates? Mental health statistics? You are acting as if trans people are somehow the winners here, coming out on top, when in fact the community is hugely discriminated against and vilified. That person probably struggled long and hard to get the age Nero job. Do you think they walk down a high street in a smaller town late at night dressed like that unless they have a death wish? No.
but you couldn’t let that person feel safe even at work with an employer who accepted them the way they were.

last time I checked every single stereotypical male figure such as Joe Rogan, Elon Musk, Andrew Tate etc, we all transphobes and pretty much homophobes too.
how many of you have in actual real
lfke been harassed by a male identifying man, and how many by a trans person?

@Goldfishonabike why don't you try reading all the responses to you that have answered the same old trope you keep peddling, might save you some typing time and stop you looking daft.

I don't give a shit if this person identifies as a woman or a cauliflower. I don't wish to see what he was displaying. Something you and I have in common is we are both rape victims and while seeing this may not trigger you it makes me feel highly uncomfortable. And more so because I know if I express my discomfort I'm called transphobic. That's why he does it, it's a power thing.

You don't get to judge someone for feeling like this especially when, if I was to misgender this person (literal fucking violence, apparently) I would be Public Enemy No.1.

This isn't denying trans people exist (and we're accused of hysteria?! ) this is asking for the respect they demand to work both ways.

And I'd being asked to dress respectfully makes them unsafe they possibly need to work from home

If "Bob" , a man, worked at café Nero, with short hair and a beard, with he/ him pronouns, would those people supporting this person wearing tights and a short top consider it appropriate?

What harm is there in trans women dressing like most women? If you really "feel" like a woman and want to fit in as one, wear boring old women's clothes. The truth is, many trans women are doing the community harm by behaving more like men than women.

Why do the men we so frequently read about on here dress as a fetishised version of women? Two examples that quickly spring to mind are the US public defender and the Canadian teacher.

Why can't women complain about men acting out their fetishes in public when we are the target of them?

A man working in a Caffe Nero wearing tights will in all likelihood be cleaning tables in the seating area. Wearing tights like this will no doubt give him the sexual satisfaction of literally shoving his cock in the customers' faces. I'm surprised Caffe Nero hasn't had more complaints! I'm more surprised men haven't complained.

Do you think women don't struggle to get jobs? Many single women bringing up children and juggling jobs don't get jobs because they are discriminated against because bosses consider them too much of a risk with needing time off etc.

The suicide rates and mental health statistics of women and girls that have been raped or sexually assaulted by men don't matter to you? Walking down a street at night is risky for all women and girls whether dressed for a night out or bundled up in cold-weather clothes.

At least a trans woman has the advantage of male physical strength to fight back. Not to mention the male upbringing of not having to worry about provoking an attack from a man by not being "polite" enough to appease him. On the flip side, a timid-looking woman or girl will be an easy target for a male predator.

You mentioned in one post that younger people are more accepting. Why is this? If anyone else's experience is that of my DGD it is because Stonewall and their money-grabbing off-shoots have pushed the "be kind" agenda in schools.

My DGD's primary school has mixed toilets that girls won't use alone and try to avoid all together because the boys are waiting for an opportunity to bully them by trying to take photos. In one instance, one girl was shamed because she needed to wash blood off her hands after cleaning up her period. UTIs in girls not drinking are on the rise, too. Thankfully, fathers are starting to kick up a fuss because mixed toilets as the cheap quick-fix to appease the two boys wanting to identify as a girl is not working.

It's funny (not really) that we're not allowed to shame transwomen for their unacceptable choice of clothing in certain settings but boys are allowed to shame girls about their biological functions?

Trans women ARE the winners in so many cases. Lia Thomas is just one example of men taking women's places in sports. I think just about every woman on this board understands that male entitlement is at the root of many trans woman's expectations of winning in life and trampling all over women's rights for the expectation of safety, privacy and dignity.

It's a fact of life that many men, however they identify, will attempt to get their sexual kicks out of having power over women. Whether that's by causing distress mentally or physically. Caffe Nero man is one of them. He knows exactly why he puts his tights on in the morning and it isn't as a fashion statement.

absolutely correct, it’s gaslighting to pretend to be oblivious.

Spot on!

Agreed @agent765

‘Straight’ men are not using women’s toilets, changing rooms, women’s prison spaces, women’s refuges. No one is arguing that straight men are never dangerous. But enabling male people to access women’s discretion is increasing the risk of violence.

It is very clear to me that some transwomen intend to harm women. Gaining access to women is the motive for their ‘transition’.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Well said.

Applause! Every damn word of this

Imagine being so marginalised, vulnerable and oppressed that you forget to check your cock and balls aren't hanging out when going to work!

I mean, as a woman, I've lost career and job opportunities due to sexism and biology but I've always been so privileged, I've always managed to keep my tits and fanny from hanging out!

@Goldfishonabike you are being ridiculous. Just like autistic children, trans people don't get a free pass to ignore clear social norms. They are kindly reminded and helped with what is appropriate.

@Acunningruse are there any further updates?

Would any corporate body allow women to dress in a hyper sexualised manner, in a public facing role, unless it was specifically one where that was the usp? I very much doubt that a café chain that is on the high street, open during daytime hours, would sanction it.

Maybe he thinks it's a pubic facing role, not public facing?

I cant think of anything I'd like to see less when being given a plate of sausage and tomatoes.

Well done for speaking out OP. He's obviously making women uncomfortable.

If he was innocently unaware that he had his dick on display then now he knows and he wont do it again.

If he was getting off on showing off his dick, then now it's on his record, so if his behaviour escalates in future (which it often does with exhibitionists) then it will be more difficult for him to get away with it.

@Goldfishonabike just wanted to mention that paraphilias cluster.

So, for example, a man who has a paraphilia where he is sexually aroused by cross dressing is likely to have other paraphilias such as exhibitionism.

Thank you for all the solidarity on this thread, to those who "get it". Thank you. To clear up a few things:

• I visit lots of different Caffè Nero stores(I get a discount there so cheaper for me than other chains) and have not seen staff in any branches wearing aprons;
• this person made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable but I refuse to be sidelined and inconvenienced by visiting a branch farther away;
• i visited again today and the person is still wearing skin-tight leggings. I will be sending an email to them to ask if this complies with their uniform policy. Any tips on wording appreciated.

Are you serious, Goldfish? Women are not in any way a physical threat to men. Women's reproductive organs do not put men in danger. Women's breasts cannot be used as a weapon to harm or injure men. Women's sexuality may annoy or bother men, but it doesn't threaten them with violence. Men commit nearly all sexual violence, usually against women.

A man displaying his penis (whether covered or not) is either threatening women or taunting them with women's inability to control him.

If I could give a single piece of advice to other women then it's to trust your instincts. If a man makes you feel extremely uncomfortable then act on it right away.